Came out to my sister and she wants to tell my mom

[Emily1996]

She's threatening to tell my mother, because it's too big of a secret for her to keep. What can I do? She doesn't accept me at all, everytime we have an issue she screams slur words to me like the F word, and the T word. She said stuff about me being possibly abused, etc... She also says things about how trans women are clocky they don't pass, all of them are hookers, etc... (and you know I used to think those stuff too when I was 10-14 but then I realized that there is people like Laverne Cox and my sister watches orange is the new black but she is still transphobic). I tried writing her stuff but she still doesn't get it, I'm not good at talking to people face-to-face.

My mom is even more transphobic than her. I'm not thinking that this is all my fault I should have not expressed myself at all. My father? I don't know... I think he might be transphobic too, but maybe less than them.

What can I do? Should I tell her that I was just confused? What can I else say for her to accept me as me?

[Jessica Merriman]

Oh sweetie! The cat is out of the bag now. Instead of trying to retract it you better instead get ready for some really tough times now. There is no telling what you will have to go through now. We will all be here when it get's really bad though. Hang in there and stick to your resolve. I am sorry they are like that.

[Emily1996]

Sometimes I just feel so guilty, she makes me feel like I'm a bad person for being myself when I can, and I feel bad for doing this to my family.

[Jo-is-amazing]

Just be honest, if she's going to tell she's going to tell, there's nothing you can do about it. The best thing you can do is he calm and collected and when she does stay strong and determined, treat it as a fact of your.life rather then the definition of it. If this is going to be something that you'll do regardless there's no point in denying it unless you are entirely dependant on them. I recommend finding a few really good essays and reports on trans people, and what it's like to be trans, just so she realises that you are serious and that this isn't the end of the world.

Sorry if this isn't helpful, it's what I did, although my parents were never openly transphobic
Sorry again
Best of luck

[Jessica Merriman]

I feel bad for doing this to my family.

Honey they are the one's who should be ashamed and guilty for making your true life a struggle. You are only accountable to YOU in this world. They lived their life as they saw fit and now it is your turn. Just be kind and compassionate when you deal with them. Show love and realize this is all new to them. 

[ImagineKate]

I agree with Jessica. On the bright side you don't have to hide anymore. Silver lining?

[Emily1996]

My mom is muslim and I don't think she will ever accept me, though I know she loves me, It's just impossible. Yes I'm totally dependent on them, and it will be this way until I go to college I guess next fall.

[Jo-is-amazing]

Then rely on her love for you. Don't ask her to accept it, just ask that she be tolerant of you and who you are. No matter what you look like you will always be her child, you may need to remind her of that though

[ImagineKate]

I don't get this. In Iran they force gays to undergo gender reassignment. I think that while much of the Muslim world is not progressive, some Muslims are. Give her the opportunity to love her new daughter, she might like it.

[Jessica Merriman]

Baby religious views led my family to shun me so be prepared for that possibility. Just promise you will not live your life under anyone's finger, but your own. Be you, be happy, be well adjusted and if anyone says anything, it is their problem, not yours. 

[Emily1996]

I don't think she will accept it, and when she knows it she will try to change me by restricting me from my freetime, etc... and I will live in hell. She already knows I have something I'm not telling her and she's doing that.

[Emily1996]

I don't get this. In Iran they force gays to undergo gender reassignment. I think that while much of the Muslim world is not progressive, some Muslims are. Give her the opportunity to love her new daughter, she might like it.

My mom is from a country where there is only death penalty for lgbt individuals.

[Emily1996]

Baby religious views led my family to shun me so be prepared for that possibility. Just promise you will not live your life under anyone's finger, but your own. Be you, be happy, be well adjusted and if anyone says anything, it is their problem, not yours. 

It's hard when you don't have freedom.

[helen2010]

Emily

This is a very tricky situation.

I agree with Jessica that the 'cat' may be out of the bag.  This means that you appear to have 3 alternatives:

-   take this head on and speak with your father (if he is likely to be more supportive) or else with your mother before your sister does. 
-   you could also ask your sister for some time and think through how you wish to communicate this.  Writing down your thoughts, preparing material (as Jo suggests) and choosing a time that works for you will also help 
-   you could deny the conversation with your sister or say that it was a joke to see if you could trust your sister with bigger secrets.

Only you understand the family dynamic and the consequence of a major confrontation before you leave for college.  I don't want to suggest that any one of the above or indeed any other alternative approach will work best for you.  This is a tricky situation..Keep your cool.  Think clearly and try to control the communications process and the key messages/information.  Honesty is usually the best approach but ....

Safe travels

Aisla

[Jennygirl]

Then rely on her love for you. Don't ask her to accept it, just ask that she be tolerant of you and who you are. No matter what you look like you will always be her child, you may need to remind her of that though

^^ I think this is some sound advice on the way to word it. Good way to tickle the love receptors

It is all in the delivery, and taking it slow if you expect her to be intolerant. Try not to ask too much of her at once. Sometimes it just takes people a bit more time to come to terms with it, it is best not to rush the info on her. Be understanding of how hard this will be for her, and you will be in a better position for her to do the same for you.

Best of luck sweetie

[ImagineKate]

I think Emily's fears are legitimate. Islam isn't exactly the most progressive religion there is.

Maybe the best bet is to put off transition until you can get out of the house. You're over 18 right? Maybe it's time to plan your way out.

[Emily1996]

Emily

This is a very tricky situation.

I agree with Jessica that the 'cat' may be out of the bag.  This means that you appear to have 3 alternatives:

-   take this head on and speak with your father (if he is likely to be more supportive) or else with your mother before your sister does. 
-   you could also ask your sister for some time and think through how you wish to communicate this.  Writing down your thoughts, preparing material (as Jo suggests) and choosing a time that works for you will also help 
-   you could deny the conversation with your sister or say that it was a joke to see if you could trust your sister with bigger secrets.

Only you understand the family dynamic and the consequence of a major confrontation before you leave for college.  I don't want to suggest that any one of the above or indeed any other alternative approach will work best for you.  This is a tricky situation..Keep your cool.  Think clearly and try to control the communications process and the key messages/information.  Honesty is usually the best approach but ....

Safe travels

Aisla

My father doesn't live with me it will be useless, as he has no type of relations with us...

[Emily1996]

I think Emily's fears are legitimate. Islam isn't exactly the most progressive religion there is.

Maybe the best bet is to put off transition until you can get out of the house. You're over 18 right? Maybe it's time to plan your way out.

Not yet but soon, and I'm not near financially stable... I never had a job and being transgender is not really something good to put on your resume, and I'm in high school it's not like I can get a full time job, it would be really hard for be to be independent.

[ImagineKate]

I hate to say it but getting free of your parents is how you're going to do this. Even if you have to wait a little. College may be the best since you're starting soon. Even better if you're going away to school. Colleges have Lgbt resources that can help.

[kaylagirl0806]

Emily,
I know what you're going through right now and one thing's for sure, don't ever say you were just confused, don't let anyone convince you otherwise. I'm living at home right now too and can't express so I know almost exactly what you're going through although my parents aren't Muslim. Don 't hesitate to PM me if you need anything girl.
Love and Hugs,
Kayla-