well i figured it out, sorta

[Umiko]

well was wondering whether i should kiss and tell but its whatever. as per experimental reason under watchful eyes, i did in deed it out. athough it was plant estrogen at a very high dose, i found myself almost instantly better. anxiety levels went down, i'm able to think more cleary, i'm a little more sociable but still improving, i can actually shed a tear, my views on life have change thus i'm more positive and receptive and the best one of all, i'm starting to not hate myself so much. just smell like maple syrup. yea i know i was pushing it but i had to know the truth and becuz of my nature, it was the only way to fully confirm

[Taka]

does this mean you're going to a doctor soon?
plant estrogen sounds really dangerous, i wonder how you managed to get that much of it... i should learn what foods to eat only rarely.

[EchelonHunt]

"Phytoestrogens

Phytoestrogens work by weakly binding with estrogen receptors, giving in some cases very mild feminizing effects. However, the doses required to achieve any effects at all are prohibitively large and toxic. (FAQ: Hormone Therapy for M2F Transsexuals) Most sources do not recommend that trans women use black cohosh, dong quai, milk thistle, or any other phytoestrogenic herb as a replacement for hormone therapy, even as a low-dose measure, because of their inefficacy. Because of the way that phytoestrogens compete with estrogen for receptors, using them in addition to hormone therapy may also be counterproductive."

I highly encourage you to do research before self-medicating, it can be very dangerous.

[Umiko]

hopefully i can get an appointment tomorrow becuz affects are happening a lot faster than expected and no i am not self medicating. i did my research before i bought the supplement at my local pharmacy. i've said this before, its imposdible for me to self medicate becuz of my historical history and the cosmic affects i suffered due to them. no worries.

[Taka]

were you just testing to see if it really would make you feel better, and thus hrt would be worth pursuing?

[Umiko]

now that would be considering playing with my life to confirm something that doesnt have a definitive test thus why i dont self medicate...anymore at least, but in some ways yes. the question now becomes will i now seek to get on the chemical stuff? depends, so who's to say

[Cindy]

Just a comment away from the normal self medicating warnings. Many plant/herbal extracts interact badly with prescription medications. St John's wort is particularly well known for its side effects, so please consult with an endocrinologist/ medic who has expertise in the area.

[Umiko]

i'm actually surprised i didnt get the grilling this time. i just got my insurance back up today though i need to switch it. was waiting becuz i wasnt sure my doctor took my medicare.

[Taka]

you wanted to be grilled?
not sure who would do that. you're free to choose how to play with your own life, if you feel like it's worth it. i'm sure you've already read the warnings.
i'm glad you decided to stop self medicating, it sounds dangerous and i don't really like if people get sick or die when it could be prevented.

there's no definite answer, but if one thing makes you feel better whereas another makes you feel bad, i think you can at least conclude that choosing what makes you feel better might not be the worst thing you'll ever do.

[Umiko]

wow, i must be dreaming. well thnx for understanding. its just the only thing is that the affects i would normally see happen in a few months happened in the first 5 days.

[Taka]

feminization effects? or mental effects?
sounds unsafe to me. but jumping off cliffs, even with parachutes or other things, is also unsafe, so... i won't judge!
just don't ever tell others to try the same. actually, don't even tell what you used unless it's for warning people.

i hope you found enough answers to choose at least a general direction. you seem to be doing a little better than when you decided to take a break from the forums?

[Umiko]

imma just keep my mouth shut on what affects. as to me getting better, i still dont think i should get back involved with the community, if ever but its the only resource i have right now so i'll stick around for a little. everything is unsafe. there's a difference however becuz i'm actually seeking medical attention when i dont have to thus proves i'm not self medicating. my whole psy changed to fast for me not to notice something thus why i want test run and medical view. its all to wierd thats its freaky. wow so many typos. thats what i get for using my phone

[Taka]

yeah, phones are real tools for the typos...

right hormone levels will usually make you feel better, just as the wrong ones will make you feel worse.
vitamin d is the hormone that causes most depression it seems. too little of it is really bad for one's mental health, not only bone density.

it's interesting how people will feel great relief when vitamin d supplements make them feel better, but almost panic when cross sex hormones do the same. the only thing it means is that other hormone levels are better for the person's brain.

[Athena]

Just stay safe.

[Umiko]

i'm always safe. being to stubborn and not wanting to bother with dying causes me to take the safe route. on the plus side, i wont have to really worry about the nasty side affects than the synthetic since its "all natural" but it really depends on the person. for me, its working to fast so yea. 

[Umiko]

i've noticed this since yesterday but i've begun to feel weak and tired. its annoying. sure i felt tired before but i can barely lift my arm without struggling. well at least i can actually sleep at night now.

[Taka]

might be a matter of will. when i get tired of always having to struggle just to have a "successful" life, i also find it hard to move at all. feels like i can't even lift a finger, until something suddenly happens and i have no choice but to jump up from wherever i'm lazing around and go to whoever's aid.

but if it's not sonething psychological, it may be best to get some help somewhere.

[Jessica Merriman]

i've noticed this since yesterday but i've begun to feel weak and tired.

This can happen when you self medicate sweetie. Herbals and supplements are not regulated so you really do not know what is in them, if there is proper quality control or how they may react to you daily diet or other medications.

[Umiko]

but i'm not self medicating. i needed to go on herbal supplements anyways as oppose to chemical medication. i read upon it and so i figured its a win win. i've always been tired though.

[JulieBlair]

Brianna,
I wish you nothing but joy and I truly hope that you find it.  The suggestion to get a doc to review this is a good one.  Too many people blow out their livers and I would like you to survive to be as ancient as me and discover that life is a kaleidoscope waiting to be explored.

Many of us have found that getting our balance becomes the precursor to joy.

I'm glad you're seeking yours,
Julie