Ello!
... So battling between the choice of transitioning and fully enrolling into the Army..
It is difficult because I have identified as transgender from my childhood to the present day
being 23 years old. I am interested in many areas of life and can see an opportunity in any
route that I choose.. Even being an ASSASSIN! (Dun dun DUN).. I want to join the Army because
I feel I will grow to train my physical form to a new felt supreme, have mental sharpness like a
sharp mental (a joke).. have my emotions able to endure trying times through external influence (sir, yes, sir)
and have a intellectual spiritual abundant experience.. With the most divine of synchronicities, life fulfilling achievements
y blahblahblah thesecretfunstuffthatnotmanypeopleknowabout.. On the other hand transition and bring out the best in
me. The experience of having my bodies neurons realign.. (from what it seems) my body calls for... I can not only feel the
fat redistribution, muscle, perception etc, change... I accomplish a sense of proper posture, the sensitive feeling of
identifying the smallest of particles of my body, how my bones move, the blood flow.. The metaphysical change I
claim to you all to experience is much more awesome than what these words can express.. Visions happen, and
I cannot help but symbolize that these Deja Vu's are the reflection of my choice to transition.. Remembering
living in a home and dancing my heart away, sheilds down, emotions open.. Only dreaming (from what I thought;
and inspired to be) To see a site, feel myself heal, become enlightened in "paranormal" ways.. I could always see..
being that example now, I almost completely refuse to give it all away.. Maybe times get hard.. Experiencing an
Evolution, being ethinic, identifying transgender.. Acknowledging all of it.. One can feel as if you are a very intelligent,
respected as such, yet very misunderstood and possibly at times underestimated.. The magik of this world, truly...
For what be and for what is... A maturity stage I am going through (ugh, just when you "think you got it") is that I have
to deal with the factor that consciousness.. eh.. It is important.. I mean Shamans, Savants, Scientific Breakthrough
Nobel Peace Prize winning.. Important.. Wonderful it is.. But with great power, comes a great responsibilty.. Trust me..
Yay! As I type my truth I can feel sensations within my throat happening.. Um? Chi? Or? Chakras? Something, and
Life/Goddess/God/Allah/YadaYada/Yoda/WonderWoman.. is presenting with the dimensional shift.. Love yo.. Really! Is this
world so simple, is it so complicated.. Besos y abrazos to this creation.. To heal the world one day.. Well doing it now, but
working overtime for anyone can be taxing on them.. I so need a vaca, nobody understands.. Or is that a self limiting belief?
I had a ah conversation with a cisgendered bisexual woman I label as my friend.. We were able to relate on the cliche topics
relationships, parents, careers, spiritual insights.. But she hit a topic about our TRUE understanding of ourselves and the
world we coexist with. Led to having a period, and how transwoman can make comparisons of a period and taking hormones.
I am just honest while I type this, and can type that as I hear comments as such that it is nearly a disrespect for other
womens experience in this world.. Especially the cycles and stages of what a cisgender female womans body experiences, and
matures to experience.. (Some of yall know.. Ouch, GRR and LEAVE ME ALONE).. Being PROUD and HONEST.. We experience our
own sufferings but those "simple" comments are what actually has people turn a blind eye to us.. In anger and disgust..
Having others believe we are crazy, confused and delusional.. That is just one of the "simple" comments and mental windows of
what a mass of people throw out.. (It is fine, go ahead and stone me) Como Jesus (no claim AT ALL) but bringing the sword and
not peace *cough* (but working towards it).. I can admit that going through SRS is not going to make me woman, be a vagina to
all (ouch, and those who are aholes or know some.. OUCH).. Cannot give birth.. You know what I mean.. Where I am going.. But, I,
we are still Men, Women, Both or Neither.. However we identify.. Farther than the flesh.. Personally typing I have always "thought
like a girl", not just clothing, relationships, makeup or blah.. I come as woman of communication, identity, influence.. and spirit?
Ehh, yea... spirit? Seems nice and full of energy.. but it is true.. Years of closeting yourself, we understand... That is a lie, and we are
born this way.. Confident as I am now.. Took time, taking time.. To fully respect that even now.. Not cray.. Blanked Out.. So not
channeling.. just my everyday thoughts.. minus the period.. GOSH IT IS LIKE I AM TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD OR SOMETHING!?
Dude, where is my car? Ope, do not have one.. Homeless and happy.. This shii right here, money cannot buy!
Much Wuv
- Fenix
