Quote from: Alexi on November 07, 2014, 01:24:59 AM
Please do not read if it might trigger. Discussion of suicidal ideation.
I don't deserve to be alive. I can't suffer any more and I'm in so much pain that I'm screaming in silence. I just wish I could die but I don't even deserve that. I wish I could end all the pain. I wish I could say goodbye but I can't even do that because I'm a coward. I don't want to be a burden to anybody any more. I am nothing. I am a mistake. I am worthless. I have no hope. I want nothing more than death.
Hon. Never ever worry about triggering me. If something does I can deal with it.
You are 100% right. You don't deserve to die. But you are 100% wrong because you do deserve to live. You do deserve to live your life to the fullest. You deserve to be the happiest you that you can possibly be.
You, my friend are not a coward. You are stronger than what you think. It is so easy to end it. But know there is a strength in you that I and a lot of others believe you have. There is an ungodly amount of strength in us. Probably way more than the rest of the human race. You need to believe that too. We will help. I will help. And sweetie, you are something. You are you and you have the right to be who you are. You have a right to live your life to your fullest, happiesst and most enriching according to you, no one else. Life is tough. We as transgendered humans are tougher though. We have made it this far. We are riding a wave right now. Just have a little patience and be true to yourself. That is all you have to really be true to is yourself. And be yourself here and we will love you regardless.
I know this don't sound like much and I'm just a faceless idiot that is too scared to use a photo as my avatar but I do have reasons. There is hope and you and many others have found it here. I have found courage here. You are among friends and whatever I can do to help you I am willing. If you wanna' talk, talk. You wanna' curse, PM me cause the mods may not like the cursing too much or go to them even and let it all out. But you have to let it out. We care. We are special. We are unique and just because you may not have anyone in your physical life that may see you that way or refuse to accept you in that way, never foreget we have something special and that is we feel deeper inside than most so called "normal" people. It may not seem like it to you right now because God knows I had to deal with it on my own before the net and had to read my butt off in books that were so far advanced that I had to read them three or four times to understand. And then still had to deal with it on my own. But you can deal with it. I did and I ain't no Genius.
But you have worth. You do deserve to live and be happy. You definately deserve to be true to yourself. You don't have to tell anyone crap. You owe non one any explainations. Be who you are with no apologies or no feelings of commitment to anyone than yourself. If they think you are trans, so what? You would be surprised at what you can do a little at a time and no one will ever notice to ease the dysphoria. Big changes all at once, yeah. They probably will notice but little bits at a time, no one really pays attention.
But Alexi, Never lose hope. Grip though? I lost mine a long time ago. I don't care. Hope? I hope for the sake of all of us that society gets a "grip" that not everyone is the same. But even if they don't, I don't apologize for being me and if they can't accept it then we all know what they can kiss. You may not feel it but I know you are strong. Strong enough to come to a transgender websight and face that you are possibly transgender. Please never sell yourself short. Whatever I can do to help, just ask.
I know despair. Don't hurt us OK? We feel, we accept and we love each other and when we lose someone then the grief is unbearable. So talk to us, you can curse me all you want, you cry on my shoulder all you need to. But still be there. We have each other. That is the imoportant thing.
