this isnt my first account here. i was on here a few years ago in early high school but i lost my account info so i figured id make another one.
im not good at socializing and i have a lot of shyness and i guess paranoia and anxiety meeting new people. ive graduated high school and im pretty much free all the time now and my mind likes to race and go into the depths of paranoia and that makes me unable to come out to people. i came out to my sister as a young child and i thought she understood and recently she has laughed it off as not real. in high school when i has a boyfriend and was in tears because i couldnt tell him i was trans, she came out and explained to him my feelings and what i couldnt say. same thing with my dad. i broke up with my boyfriend in 10th grade because of his homophobia with it, and i dated a girl. she was straight but kept calling herself lesbian and announced to everyone she met i was lesbian and her girlfriend. and it made me hide a lot. i broke up with her and now im friends with a guy who used to think he was a girl but now hes just bisexual or pansexual or something. my dad makes fun of my transgenderness, or at least it seems so. hes come up to me and acted excited, saying "you should be happy, today in the news, the first transgender couple in mississippi got married!"
i am 18, not even trying to pass yet because of my shyness and paranoia that everyone knows and will think im a freak. im on the mississippi coast. i know gay men and lesbians here but no transgenders and i feel lonely and like a freak most of the time.
im trying to gain social skills and become more open. but right now im a chubby 5'6" hidden transguy with a 5'11" cisguy and i look so minuscule next to him and other men
