The wait...

[Valleyrie]

So I've got like 5 months and a bit left before I can start hrt and it's killing me!! I've been waiting for quite a long time now and it's hard to keep living in this male body. It depresses the hell outta me. I've been thinking of getting a full time job to fund my surgeries and hopefully I'll have enough in 2 years to get what I want done. I'm just unsure because most people my age are still studying and working towards what they want to do when they're older and I don't really want to spend this fraction of my life slaving it away. Anyway, I think I'm gonna get a few bras soon even though I have no bewbs yet and see how I feel about that. 🙂

[Jera]

What does it matter what most people your age are doing? A lot of other people your age have no clue what they want to do, let alone have begun working toward it. Those people shouldn't affect your own decisions. Don't be unsure because of them.

Even so, it sounds to me like that kind of plan is exactly studying and working toward what you want to do when you're older. 😉

[MelissaAnn]

Valleyrie,

I know it's very difficult waiting, but look on the bright side, you are starting to get there. Everybody's road is different, but I'm sure you're going to hear to be patient and if buying bras makes you happy and it's something you want to do then do it. There's no reason you can't. And it's better that you start while you're young, instead of waiting until you're older like I did. I know this really doesn't help that much. But try to find something to take your mind off of the wait time, please do. Hang in there. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and may the Angels look upon you and help guide you on your path.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

[Valleyrie]

@Jera
I know, it's just I feel really behind since I've been out of school for about 2 years now and idk. I sort of don't want to keep prolonging my education because I'd like to do something I enjoy but then again I have this problem which really affects every part of my life. ;x

@MelissaAnn
Ya, I've been trying to occupy myself but I'm finding it hard to cope atm and I'm not really enjoying anything. I know I'm really lucky though, I just need to vent I guess.

[ImagineKate]

Wow, why 5 months? Is there some gatekeeping at play here?

And they wonder why people get desperate and self medicate... not saying you should do it though...

[LilDevilOfPrada]

So I've got like 5 months and a bit left before I can start hrt and it's killing me!! I've been waiting for quite a long time now and it's hard to keep living in this male body. It depresses the hell outta me. I've been thinking of getting a full time job to fund my surgeries and hopefully I'll have enough in 2 years to get what I want done. I'm just unsure because most people my age are still studying and working towards what they want to do when they're older and I don't really want to spend this fraction of my life slaving it away. Anyway, I think I'm gonna get a few bras soon even though I have no bewbs yet and see how I feel about that.

I started HRT fast but i started back in 2011 and only by 2022 would I even be able to do the surgeries ha ha. The wait is soul crushing isn't it.

[Jera]

@Jera
I know, it's just I feel really behind since I've been out of school for about 2 years now and idk. I sort of don't want to keep prolonging my education because I'd like to do something I enjoy but then again I have this problem which really affects every part of my life. ;x

Personally, I'm twelve years out of high school, and still only barely considering college. It's not something you have to do Right, Right Now or miss your chance. Continuing your education just for the sake of continuing your education is not likely to satisfy you in any way.

It's more like how you said it in your original post. College is a preparation for something you want to do later. Ideally, it's something that's important to you. Ideally, you would study in a field that will allow you to do things you find meaningful. Things that will make you happy.

The point is both are taking steps to achieve something that will make your life more meaningful to you. If transition might be that path for you, taking steps now to make things easier on you later is a really good idea (actually having savings is amazing for pretty much everything). Even if, for whatever reason, you decide NOT to do so later on, you still would have more savings than most of those college kids you know.

You mentioned saving up for a couple of years, or exploring bras while you wait. These things sound very wise to me, as they directly contribute to a goal that is important to you. If approached sensibly, it's a goal that can change your life for the better. Just as college can.

There's no order you have to do it in. You can still go to school after transition, or before, if it's right for you. Just make that choice for YOU, and you alone. It's not helpful to compare yourself to "most people." What is right for them might even be disastrous for you. Only you can find your path. I hope you find one that brings you happiness, whatever it may be. 🙂

[LilDevilOfPrada]

Personally, I'm twelve years out of high school, and still only barely considering college. It's not something you have to do Right, Right Now or miss your chance. Continuing your education just for the sake of continuing your education is not likely to satisfy you in any way.

It's more like how you said it in your original post. College is a preparation for something you want to do later. Ideally, it's something that's important to you. Ideally, you would study in a field that will allow you to do things you find meaningful. Things that will make you happy.

The point is both are taking steps to achieve something that will make your life more meaningful to you. If transition might be that path for you, taking steps now to make things easier on you later is a really good idea (actually having savings is amazing for pretty much everything). Even if, for whatever reason, you decide NOT to do so later on, you still would have more savings than most of those college kids you know.

You mentioned saving up for a couple of years, or exploring bras while you wait. These things sound very wise to me, as they directly contribute to a goal that is important to you. If approached sensibly, it's a goal that can change your life for the better. Just as college can.

There's no order you have to do it in. You can still go to school after transition, or before, if it's right for you. Just make that choice for YOU, and you alone. It's not helpful to compare yourself to "most people." What is right for them might even be disastrous for you. Only you can find your path. I hope you find one that brings you happiness, whatever it may be.

Take this advice to heart as I decided to take out student loans and study straight out of school. So my future as me as been prolonged so much that at times I don't even think it will happen. University is an expensive detour in ones life. Also I cant even transition because everyone met me as a male and in engineering you do a lot of group based work, so in this high trnas/homo phobic world my future looks bleak if I come out.

So I am quite serious when I say take that advice.

[Lostkitten]

I think there was another thread going about how HRT isn't a magic pill. I cannot say I don't understand the need for HRT because I also have the same and can't wait. But I waited about.. well, longer than a year to get them. Sure, ideaal would be to start the day after you decide to but truth is, there are also people who change their minds.

Five months pass by before you know it. Let your hair grow in the meanwhile, work on your body if you want to, even if you are very slim you can do already some exercises. Get new clothes and try stuff out with it or, what I did, cut old male t-shirts in shape to get a female model !

If you expect for HRT to turn your life around, you might just be disappointed. There is more to it than just that.

[JustASeq]

I had to wait about 5 months before starting HRT after I had made my decision. I wanted to make sure my transition would be covered by insurance, which it is not... I do have a really nice doctor who gives me HRT for "polyglandular dysfunction" which is covered by my employer provided insurance. There also ended up being some other things that slowed the process down beforehand. But if you want it, it will happen! 

Now, about 5 months in on HRT and finally at my full dosage, looking back I realize that the time I spent presenting my gender and preparing mentally, financially and physically for this part of my journey was extremely helpful.

[aylaliara]

It took me 9 months of appointments to start mine. Technically almost 12. It was horrible and I won't tell you to be patient, but the pain of waiting for what you want and need will ultimately make you more measured as a person, and I don't think that's a bad thing. As others have said, do your best preparing yourself and practising make up routines and the like to both take your mind off it, and give you a headstart when you go full-time.

[Cat]

I felt the same about the wait, and I won't pretend I wasn't a complete mess mentally/emotionally during that time.  And I hated hearing 'be patient'.  I do understand why people kept saying it, though. ^^

So what did I do?  I bought clothes, makeup, breastforms, etc., and started living as who I am.  For me personally it helped a lot to be doing something proactive for myself -- initially at home, but then making trips out, telling my family, my SO's family, my best friends.  I changed my name and all my legal docs and went full time.  I started working on my voice.  I wrote a huge paper exploring and discussing who I was and who I am now, and everything that led me to the point where I had to transition, and I kept a diary of all the little things that were happening.  That helped somewhat to exorcise the crappy feelings I was dealing with on a daily basis.  I also used the time to lose as much weight as I safely could while staying within my ideal weight range, in preparation for starting HRT.

Those things are what kept me going.  I'm sure it will be a little different for everyone since we're all unique, but I echo those who advise you to do what you can to make yourself feel better.  The time will pass and you'll get your HRT, and in the meantime, try to find comfort and happiness in other ways of expressing and exploring your femininity. 🙂