Does getting "mam'd" actually mean you pass?

[Erica_Y]

The girls before have really covered the topic but the only thing you can probably be sure of is when you do not pass!

It does not seem fair somehow

[cathyrains]

People will say and think all sorts of things about others behind their backs. It's just the way things are. That's not something exclusive to the MtF experience.
If someone ma'ams me, so long as they are also respecting me and not harming me, does it really matter?
I'm increasing convinced that "passing" is a state in my own mind rather than those around me.

[PinkCloud]

Yes. It does.

But passing is such a vague idea... everyone will see you through a unique perspective and lens. To some you might be womanly, to other tomboyish, to another you might look sexy, to others you are ugly. It is the way people are, they are all different. Even some cis woman are getting called "sir" from time to time. And if you are tall, you are getting more looks than other girls. Tall people stand out.

[Eva Marie]

Even genetic females sometimes experience misgendering so I'd say that the mam's you've been getting are a great sign that you are heading down the right path  I've never been misgendered when presenting as female (which is full time now) and i've often had the "are they humoring me?" thought, but at the end of the day I just don't know and it really doesn't matter anyway. Like popeye said - "I yam what i yam" and if people have a problem with me it's their problem, not mine.

One way i've noticed that you know you are being accepted is when women include you in girl talk. I now know more about my bff's periods than I ever wanted to know, but she appreciates me listening so I listen, and I got roped into a conversation about pregnancy recently.

It still takes me by surprise when someone mam's me though; i'm not quite used to that yet

[LizMarie]

Being our own harshest critics, let me give you the following story as an example of how we make things out in the worst possible way...

I was with another transwoman and a few natal females as well. We were out in a public space (restaurant) when some men began really looking at my trans acquaintance. My interpretation of what I was seeing was that they were looking at her sexually, as a visually attractive woman. She, however, felt she had been clocked and was embarrassed by it and sure that was the explanation. But then both natal females chimed in as well, assuring her that they too were very sure the men had basically been ogling her sexually. They hadn't clocked her at all but instead found her attractive.

This even further confused her because she was sure she never "passed" yet there she was all evening passing just fine and getting cisgender male attention as well.

Incidents like this, both to others and to myself, are slowly teaching me to stop assuming the worst in every encounter. This, in turn, increases my self-confidence which further increases my passability because nothing attracts negative attention like insecurity.

My recommendation? Take those ma'ams and run with them! Enjoy them! And just assume those saying that meant exactly what they said.

[cathyrains]

Years ago, I was frequently ma'amd when I was in full boy mode. So I really don't take either positive or negative from "ma'am". I'm not sure it means I pass particularly well.

[ganjina]

I felt offended when the (foreign labor) server behind the counter at a fast food restaurant called me Sir. To my astonishment, she proceeded to call everyone else behind me "Sir" as well, including a gorgeous cis woman.

I was laughing all over the place, what an unexpected twist.
As other ladies here have said before: it is definitely a good sign when you get mam'd !

Also, I saw mentioning that people would "indulge" or "humor you" when you go about being a woman during your daily life. It surely can happen, am not saying it does not, BUT when I see your pictures I feel really convinced that you look as womanly as any cis woman I've see. I think most people are just gendering you rightly without thinking about it  .

[Lostkitten]

Passing or not, at least they have the respect to address and see you as for how you clearly want to be addressed, and to me that is what matters most ^^.

[Allyda]

IMHO I really dislike the term "passing" in general with regard to our community for it implies we're in a sort of contest when we're really not -it's not about that at all. It's about being accepted as who you/we are as individuals by our peers and he general public.

That above being said; I've always had very feminine features and was Ms.,/Mam'd a lot for the majority of my life, and I had my complete male fail 6 years ago long before hrt thus, I went full time those 6 years ago despite beginning hrt a lil over 10 months ago last December. While hrt has greatly enhanced my existing feminine features, it's obvious I, being accepted as the woman I am by the general public and my peers before hrt my manurisms and presentation have been there all a long........

......And believe me, I live in a very rural area of Florida, an area where if I weren't "passing" I would definitey know it and If I weren't it would actually be very dangerous for me.

So my answer is this: You know if your passing, or as I prefer "being accepted" in your preferred gender by those around you or not. It's like a sixth sense you can feel deep down inside you. And if your being referred to as Ms., or Maam your being accepted. Run with it and hold your head high.

Best wishes!
Ally