Public washroom question

[ssneha23]

A few of my friends are driving me crazy over using the ladies in malls etc. They say what I doing is unethical and not right since I am yet to get my bottom surgery done and identify as a trans lesbian.... They say I will get arrested or something...

I get so frustrated by their banter that I just lock my self up and just keep silent.... Not sure how to respond to their stupid phobic behavior. Any help???

[skin]

This is Masen Davis.  He is a trans man who has not had bottom surgery.  Ask them for whom they feel it is more appropriate to use the ladies room, you or him.

[ssneha23]

I sooo totally will ask them.. My friends' behavior so drives me nuts..

[Pikachu]

If it was me I'd just tell them, "I am a woman and I will use the women's bathroom." I really don't get why some people are so hung up on this. It's no one's business what's below your skirt. Also, what does you being a lesbian have to do with anything? Do they think you're going to pick up chicks in the bathroom? Just point out how dumb they're being. That's my advice. There's nothing unethical about using a bathroom.

[skin]

By the way, I should mention the only reason I am using that example is because Davis was the former director of the Transgender Law Center and would frequently use himself as an example why gender policing bathrooms is wrong.  I'm not just taking some random trans dude and making an example out of him.

[Nicole]

Do you look female? Remembering that females come in all shapes, sizes, some with facial hair, some look very manly.
Yes - use the women

[ssneha23]

By the way, I should mention the only reason I am using that example is because Davis was the former director of the Transgender Law Center and would frequently use himself as an example why gender policing bathrooms is wrong.  I'm not just taking some random trans dude and making an example out of him.

Thank you .. I really appreciate it.. [emoji5] [emoji5]

[ssneha23]

Do you look female? Remembering that females come in all shapes, sizes, some with facial hair, some look very manly.
Yes - use the women

Nicole .. I guess I do pass like 90% of the time... Using the men in a skirt and heels will be super weird for me... That will definitely get me arrested.. Lol

[Ms Grace]

Agreed. If you pass as female and are presenting as such then it is unreasonable to expect you to not use the ladies. Tell your friends to mind their own business.

[Cindy]

As the others have said, use the ladies. Your friends are ......not friends!

You are a transgender woman, a female, females use the female toilet - unless you are at a concert and the ladies is packed, you then use female privilege and use the stalls in the guys, which often causes some disruption to their ablutions

[Releca]

I'm agreeing with these ladies, if you look like a woman (feminine features, breast, and female clothes) then going into the men's room is just asking for some perv to take advantage and you mentioned you haven't had bottoms done yet would send some into an outrage. If they are truely your freinds I'm sure they wouldn't want you beaten to death for using the bathroom so I don't see why they are raising such a fuss.

If you want to still keep a middle ground though I'd suggested looking for the handicap stall. Its a single person stall used by the disabled, or special needs people, or those whom feel totally uncomfortable with using the main public restrooms like I do. Most place have one next to the main bathrooms.

[suzifrommd]

How do people KNOW what you have down below?

It's immaterial. If you are a woman, use the women's washroom. Surgery has nothing to do with whether you are a woman.

[mac1]

Nicole .. I guess I do pass like 90% of the time... Using the men in a skirt and heels will be super weird for me... That will definitely get me arrested.. Lol

You don't have much to worry about being arrested using the men's if you look like a woman. However, it is a real possibility that you might be arrested if using the women's looking like a man.

The best situation would be to have all public restrooms be mult-user unisex with adequately private stalls. There is no real reason for any additional segregation.

[MelissaAnn]

Here's my two cents on the subject your preferred gender is female you present female you identify female. Therefore, you are female, and as such you are afforded all the rights and privileges of every other female on the planet. This includes using the women's washroom. If your friends are giving you that much grief. I agree they are not really friends a friend will support you have your back and be there to comfort you in times of need. This would include having to use the washroom.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

[ImagineKate]

Use the ladies... you go in a locked stall with a door. Nobody sees your privates.

[Alexis2107]

Use the lady's room... not very lady like to be in the men's

[Nicole]

Agreed. If you pass as female and are presenting as such then it is unreasonable to expect you to not use the ladies. Tell your friends to mind their own business.

I wouldn't even say 'if you pass".
I say if you are dressed as a female, you look female, you use the women's, even if others feel "off" by it, its your safety that you need to look after.

If someone has an issue with you doing it, you are not breaking a single law as far as I'm aware of, if you are, I'm sure the UN would have something in their human rights laws that'll cover it.

[Jess42]

A few of my friends are driving me crazy over using the ladies in malls etc. They say what I doing is unethical and not right since I am yet to get my bottom surgery done and identify as a trans lesbian.... They say I will get arrested or something...

I get so frustrated by their banter that I just lock my self up and just keep silent.... Not sure how to respond to their stupid phobic behavior. Any help???

You are not doing anything unethical. You are a woman cis or trans. You go into a men's restroom looking like you do in your avatar, you are looking for trouble. You will or shouldn't get freaking aressted. Besides jail is safer than some men's restroom. I apologize to all our brothers, but even as male I have been almost assalted in a rest area men's restroom.

Their stupid banter? How to respond to thier stupid behaviour? Find some better friends. That is how I would respond. Jesus, are these girls too? If so... I would find some new friends that would accept me as me regardless. Especially some that would look out for me. The malls were I grew up the restrooms were down a hallway away from the main part and anyone could get raped there without your cries being heard.

Sometimes friends are not our real friends. Your real friends would stand outside the door if they knew you were trans and keep other women from coming in if you didn;t pass. Or just don't say anything at all if you do like in your avatar. Who the hell is gonna' know anyway. That would require you to strip and unless you did something really wrong. For using the bathroom without incident, I believe that would violate your rights. Peeing ain't wrong.

[ssneha23]

Thank you so much for all your responses ladies. That quietened down the stupid back of the voice that I was doing going wrong. All the friends who said this to me are guys. My female friends drag me to the ladies room all the time...

[Jaime R D]

Thank you so much for all your responses ladies. That quietened down the stupid back of the voice that I was doing going wrong. All the friends who said this to me are guys. My female friends drag me to the ladies room all the time...

That makes sense. The only one that ever gave me crap about using the women's showers over on  the NPS national seashore has been my brother. Any other women never had an issue with it, although I always disrobed in the shower stall and dressed there too with the way its set up. Guys tend to have way more hangups about it.