OKCupid begins rolling out new sexuality and gender options

[FTMax]

The point is its a kind of variant on Bi/pansexuality where one is declaring that the main thing we are after is NOT "hot sex" but true and deep mental connection. So in effect we don't care what your equipment is - and indeed there is absolutely no guarrantee that we will ever get physical at all - what we are looking for is connection, fidelity, and tenderness etc before any considerations of sex. So its kind of saying "I'm bi/pan, not particularly highly sexed, postrgraduate educated, and only interested if you want to spend a lot more time dicussing quantum physics, medicine, philosophy and proust that you do having sex."

So simply saying that I identify as bisexual or pansexual implies that I'm not looking for a deep mental connection and only hot sex? Okay. 

[amber roskamp]

To me its as valid as any other identity, and I think we should all take care before we dismiss something just because we don't get it. That, after all, is largely what the cis world tries to do to the trans identity.

I also like the people who can have deep meaningful and thoughtful conversations with me, but I feel like the term sapiosexual is very ableist. not saying that being drawn to people who you connect with on an intellectual level is wrong it's actually totally normal, and you can't help it who you like. The term bothers me because it may be used by people to justify them turning away people for mental/learning disabilities. I know how it feels like to have an aspect of ur identity be dismissed, and I apologize if I sound dismissive, but the word sapiosexual sounds like it excludes people like me from their dating field because i have extreme anxiety and ADD. I have difficulty learning and had to drop out of college and people may dismiss this as me not being intelligent enough. So not only does it sound ableist, but it can come off as classest. I personally feel like I would be doing myself and others an injustice by saying I am sapiosexual sexuality because some intelligent people with disabilities may feel insecure around me simply for putting down that I am sapiosexual.

[FTMax]

If anything I feel like sapiosexual is more of a secondary sexual orientation. If I saw someone that had it listed, I would probably avoid contacting them. In an online dating world, it doesn't tell me anything about you or what kind of bodies or situations you find yourself physically attracted to or interested in, in the way that identifying as gay or demisexual does. It would make me unsure enough about your primary orientation that I wouldn't bother with initiating contact.

[Laura_7]

I also like the people who can have deep meaningful and thoughtful conversations with me, but I feel like the term sapiosexual is very ableist. not saying that being drawn to people who you connect with on an intellectual level is wrong it's actually totally normal, and you can't help it who you like. The term bothers me because it may be used by people to justify them turning away people for mental/learning disabilities. I know how it feels like to have an aspect of ur identity be dismissed, and I apologize if I sound dismissive, but the word sapiosexual sounds like it excludes people like me from their dating field because i have extreme anxiety and ADD. I have difficulty learning and had to drop out of college and people may dismiss this as me not being intelligent enough. So not only does it sound ableist, but it can come off as classest. I personally feel like I would be doing myself and others an injustice by saying I am sapiosexual sexuality because some intelligent people with disabilities may feel insecure around me simply for putting down that I am sapiosexual.

Well maybe those two definitions could help... it does not have to be put down to being specifically intelligent:
Saphiosexual : the way of being attracted to knowledge (and you can be very knowledgable in something if it really interests you)
saphiosexual : meaning attracted to the mind...

As usual, there are no clear definitions.... I personally would see it as being interested in more mind oriented things like art and literature... which can be both on very different levels for example, just meaning an interest...

hugs

[Rejennyrated]

So simply saying that I identify as bisexual or pansexual implies that I'm not looking for a deep mental connection and only hot sex? Okay. 

Not at all! It just means you have a normal level of sexual interest whereas the sapio label implies - at least to me a lower than normal level - I'm trying to put off people who want sex - because while I'm not asexual it is VERY VERY low on my priorities in a relationship. about 11th out of ten in fact! So I'm trying to save people wasting their time with me if we're not on the same track.

I also like the people who can have deep meaningful and thoughtful conversations with me, but I feel like the term sapiosexual is very ableist. not saying that being drawn to people who you connect with on an intellectual level is wrong it's actually totally normal, and you can't help it who you like. The term bothers me because it may be used by people to justify them turning away people for mental/learning disabilities. I know how it feels like to have an aspect of ur identity be dismissed, and I apologize if I sound dismissive, but the word sapiosexual sounds like it excludes people like me from their dating field because i have extreme anxiety and ADD. I have difficulty learning and had to drop out of college and people may dismiss this as me not being intelligent enough. So not only does it sound ableist, but it can come off as classest. I personally feel like I would be doing myself and others an injustice by saying I am sapiosexual sexuality because some intelligent people with disabilities may feel insecure around me simply for putting down that I am sapiosexual.

Actually that makes sense - all I can say is that I don't personally use it in that way, nor indeed would anyone I know, because I've had a lot of very good connections with people who have learning difficulties or whatever. To me sapio just indicates a connection of the minds rather than the body - and that doesnt in any way imply that the minds involves have to be supergeniuses or anything.

While I understand the fear, I think the problem is that almost anything could be seen as ablist if one had a view to take it that way. I mean I've had similar issues with the term bisexual - because people then say oh but then you are excluding non binaries! Well no actually - I don't exclude anyone, I'm just trying to use a simple term that my grandmother will understand without me having to explain... ( she doesnt know what pan means - she thinks pansexuals get off with cooking implements )

Thats the problem with labels and perhaps slightly overthinking them.

Ultimately the problem is for any label there will be those who don't like it. I have "transsexual history" in that I had GCS over 30 years ago, but I personally hate the term transgender when applied to myself because to me my problem was with my physical sex and not my gender - but then other people are adamant that two things are the same, or that one is being elitist in trying to separate them...  which actually I'm not because clearly they are equally valid as identities and neither is superior. They are just different.

I think the thing is everyone has to be entitled to define/decribe themselves as they see fit, and I would hope we can do that without people feeling threatened, where no threat is or was intended.

[Susan]

The posters on this thread have my apology. The moderator warning should not have been issued. Corrective action has been taken.

[sparrow]

how do you feel about sapiosexuality being included?

My initial reaction to sapiosexuality was similar to yours.  My reaction to the term genderfluid was also like "okay, that has to be fake, wtf".  About a year later, when I started experiencing periodic waves of dysphoria, I was embarrassed about that reaction, and glad to have a name for what I was experiencing.

How I feel about them including sapiosexuality: I'm glad they're putting up options that even people in our community don't understand.  All I know is, the smarter & more opinionated my partners have been, the longer I've stuck with 'em.

[lisarenee]

So has anyone used this new change yet?

I just changed mine to "Woman, Transgender". I wasn't sure they would ever make good on the promise to roll out new options. They announced this last fall, but every time I checked the options still weren't available for me. They were limiting it to a "select group".

[amber roskamp]

I just changed mine to "Woman, Transgender". I wasn't sure they would ever make good on the promise to roll out new options. They announced this last fall, but every time I checked the options still weren't available for me. They were limiting it to a "select group".

It was to every one but you had to be on a desktop version of the sight I changed mine last fall

[CaptFido87]

Hi folks,

I've been using okcupid for a weeks now. I have it listed as transgender on there and bi-sexual. I've actually had a few meaningful talks with not only woman but men on the site. one girl we talked for a week straight. unfortunately she stopped talking but I haven't given up hope yet. It's nice that they consider everyone's feeling on the site. I'm glad it's somewhat working.