disappearing transsexuals

[Apples Mk.II]

Pretty much I've started wiping out my online "out and proud" persona, and deleting any account (dating, blogging etc) where I was openly trans, there were pictures of me...  IRL it was my face that pretty much outed me, but after solving that issue I plan to work towards stealth: Getting the definitive complete change of both name and gender, more voice work, and then if possible change jobs to a new one where nobody knows me, even if it means going to another country.

So yes, I plan on disappearing save for one or two trans related communities, and inver the time I was giving it into studying , exercising (no more locker room anxiety) and overall going back to having a normal life. Just that thiks time as a girl.

[Joanna Dark]

Do any of your doctors know your past? If so, under those stats you would be counted as Out..

Really?I don't think so. Doctors are bound by patient confidentiality first off, so unless you give them a signed letter to go around talking about you, I would hardly consider telling your doc or OBGYN as being "out." To me, being out is when you actively tell people you trans, possibly have the same job as pre-transition, or are an activist. Telling your doctor or BF/GF you're trans isn't really out. it's letting people in on the intimate details of your life. I would not equate being intimate or telling doctors as being out. What if no one else knows, you moved 3,000 miles away, and no ones knows except two people? Two people who won't tell and everyone else assumes you're cis. Yeah, if you want to be super literal, I guess that is out and you're not stealth. So I respectfully disagree.

I say this because once I have SRS, I have a whole plan to build a stealthy-like life as a woman, not a trans woman. yeah, peeps can dig into your past, but I wouldn'thang out with someone like this who digs around your life like that. I have a BF for that lol

[wolfduality]

I'm sure this is already been said but many post-op trans*people just go on with their lives.

Maybe they wish to be stealth, maybe they just feel like they've moved on from needing support, maybe they don't feel "trans" describes them anymore, maybe they aren't comfortable with that chapter in their life anymore, or any number of things. It's naive to assume that just because a post-op trans person "disappears" that they are unhappy with their new life. People, not just trans people, sometimes change as time goes on. They want to do things differently and sometimes feel that the past dampens their future so they "forget" it. There's nothing wrong with that.

[Dread_Faery]

Those statistics are meaningless though, they're so general that you can infer anything from them. Out vs not out doesn't make a distinction for where people are in their transition. People early in their transition, where you don't really have a choice of being out and they're under a lot of stress likely have a higher incidence of suicidal ideation and attempts, where as someone long term post op who has made the choice to be out, most likely because they surround by people who accept them are probably less likely to be under stress and have anxiety about being trans and likely to have a lower incidence of suicidal ideation and attempts. Without a more detailed break down those stats prove nothing.

[Joanna Dark]

The satisafaction rate for SRS is something like 98 percent. About 1 percent kill themselves, though this was a small study of maybe 5,000 Swedish MTF trans girls. The satisfaction rate for shoulder surgery is like 50 percent, I think. Something like that. SRS has one of highest satisfaction rates of all surgeries. I remember when I was 15 or 16, my friend and future lover (who is dead now) told me that I should seriously consider doing it, as so many become depressed and commit suicide.  He knew because it was impossible to hide how femme I looked when I was younger. Even with a shaved head, I looked cis. I believe people started calling me a Manson girl or Squeeky Fromm.

[Rachelicious]

Really?I don't think so. Doctors are bound by patient confidentiality first off, so unless you give them a signed letter to go around talking about you, I would hardly consider telling your doc or OBGYN as being "out." To me, being out is when you actively tell people you trans, possibly have the same job as pre-transition, or are an activist. Telling your doctor or BF/GF you're trans isn't really out. it's letting people in on the intimate details of your life. I would not equate being intimate or telling doctors as being out. What if no one else knows, you moved 3,000 miles away, and no ones knows except two people? Two people who won't tell and everyone else assumes you're cis. Yeah, if you want to be super literal, I guess that is out and you're not stealth. So I respectfully disagree.

Agreed 100%. Frankly a definition of stealth that includes no doctors could cause all kinds of health issues (early osteoporosis from lack of hormones comes to mind. We're otherwise supposed to do our own endocrinology, I suppose?) Beyond that it's a lot more gray, but I see it as a bad idea to "introduce" people to a background I've gone to the ends of the earth and back to dig myself out of. That is anti personal-dignity in every way possible. Inevitables like family I've extensively coached on how to not be evil.

For me the only case BF/GF are the least bit relevant is children. If they want biological children I can eventually reveal I'm infertile, but even at that, lots of cis people are. I know ways of using words that would reveal this without lying or saying too little and still without it being a tell. Stealth police can stay far away, especially after I pointed out how there's statistical evidence that stealth is good.

[Susan522]

Hello, I often read posts dealing with goals of 'passing', as in being seen and accepted as the gender one sees was intended.  Don't we want to get past the transition stage and move on to just being male or female?  Who really wants to be transsexual?

The end of my unpleasant 'transition' cannot come fast enough.  When that time comes (it will come), please do not remind me about being a transsexual!  I promise to give (money) at the office.

"In a nutshell",:  Well said!  Thank you.