A Mess

[lindagrl]

i had my second session with a therapist today and now i am feeling so upset.  Am disappointed in myself and him, feel i did not act like i should,
was very stressed, perspiring and in defensive posture.  i told him i want to take my transition further because i feel caught between two worlds
and asked him for information.  He told me there is a program i can enter into, but was quick to add that there are strict requirements, that i would
have to live, act and dress like a woman as soon as the hormone therapy begins.  i said no way am i ready for that, from what i know this is a long
process and i would have to take small steps and don´t want to be rushed or bound into something that i can´t handle right away.  If that is the
rule, then it seems there is no place for me in this treatment.  He just shrugged his shoulders and agreed that perhaps it was not for me.
He also explained that within the tiny group of trans women here, one of them, a woman my age has opted against having surgery and has been
criticized by the others who have gone through that treatment.  What? i exclaimed, political correctness in the trans community? Pathetic.
He was doing everything he could to dissuade me from transitioning further, even commented that i was not dressing feminine enough.
i was wearing the nicest most feminine clothes i have, without being in a dress.  Felt like a clown, feel just terrible now.
My wife, bless her, keeps telling me don´t let him keep you from what you want, don´t listen to him and i am trying to do as she says,
but i feel so lost now and rejected, my self esteem was not much before but now..

i just know that i don´t want to talk to this guy again and am so mad at myself for opening up to him.
Am going to contact the program director at the hospital on Monday and get the facts from them.
i told the therapist that i would and he acted all surprised, the jerk. i could just scream.
i hope i get a better reception there, i can´t bear the thought of being turned away.
Am trying to kick a long time cannabis habit and now it´s calling me like crazy.  Feel like i am suffocating.
i won´t do it, i won´t fall back to that, i need to have my head together on Monday.
Right now i am a total mess.

[helen2010]

I feel and am hurt by your pain.  Your choice of therapist is critical.  You must be on the same page.  You need to trust and respect them and they need to do this in return to you.

From what you are saying they do not sound like a good fit.  Ask around there is usually a better option.  Perhaps there is someone on Susans who can recommend a better solution.

Either way, this is a stressful time.  The program described, sounds like a very traditional, cookie cutter process and nothing like that which you need or is available elsewhere.  You are fortunate that your partner is so supportive.

It will get better.  If you find it over whelming write notes and take them with you.  If you would like advice or another's perspective there are many here who can listen and can help.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Jill F]

Are there any therapists in Iceland that are up on the current WPATH Standards of Care?  This one seems decades behind the times.

[sam79]

Hi Linda. From what you've described, your therapist is a fraud.  Those are not the words or actions of a professional psychiatrist.

You need to find someone else to help you through your journey, and someone who is supports WPATH standards. You will need someone to help you regardless of which path you follow.

For now just relax. Know that even with such frauds in your way, you're still going to carry on and deal with this the best you can.

Incidentally my first doctor I spoke to about transitioning said, the same thing things, like  RLE is required for HRT and more.  It really got me down too before I found out what WPATH is and what the guidelines are.

All the best. xx

[Ms Grace]

This seems to be the "current" treatment process is a lot of European regions. I'm unsure though if there are therapists there who are more progressive and less stuck in this inhumane and archaic practice. Are there any LGBTIQ groups in your country who can direct you to someone more appropriate?

[kelly_aus]

People saying 'Find another therapist.' are probably right, but something to consider when saying that is location - some jurisdictions have legal requirements that can't be avoided.. South Australia is such a place, we have a very limited choice in care here.

[lindagrl]

Thank you kind people. i looked up WPATH in Iceland and found that there is some effort to follow it´s standards, unclear if it´s been implemented fully.
It´s going to be a long weekend.
Am so thankful for this place, i would be lost tonight if not for your feedback,
thank you so much, you helped a bewildered girl, i want to belong here.

[ImagineKate]

The biggest red flag for me is that your therapist is putting you in a box and not letting you decide your transition steps. That's not right

[helen2010]

Thank you kind people. i looked up WPATH in Iceland and found that there is some effort to follow it´s standards, unclear if it´s been implemented fully.
It´s going to be a long weekend.
Am so thankful for this place, i would be lost tonight if not for your feedback,
thank you so much, you helped a bewildered girl, i want to belong here.

Linda

You do belong here and we are so pleased that you have chosen to join us.

Safe travels

Aisla

[lindagrl]

Sorry for not answering you all individually, can´t keep up.
The therapist is from the gay and lesbian association, i thought i had gone to the right place.
i found this about a recent law passed.
"On 11 June 2012, the Icelandic parliament voted in a new law relaxing rules surrounding gender identity and allowing comprehensive recognition regarding recognition of acquired gender and encating gender identity protections.[14] These laws were enacted 27 June 2012. The laws state that the National University Hospital of Iceland (Icelandic: Landspítali - háskólasjúkrahús) is obligated to create a department dedicated to diagnosing gender dysphoria (GID), as well as performing sex reassignment surgery (SRS). After successfully completing an 18 month process, including living 12 months in their preferred gender, applicants appear before a committee of professionals. If the committee determine that a diagnosis of GID is appropriate, the National registry is informed and the applicant chooses a new name to reflect their new gender and are issued a new social security number and ID. Sex Reassignment Surgery is not required for official name change and gender recognition."
So it´s 12 months of 18 and not right away like the therapist said, but still..

Kate, you know what, i told him that i don´t like being put in a box and i won´t have it and he nodded his head as if agreeing
and then directed me straight to the box again. pfff i will not be dissuaded, i will find my way.
Right now i am just drained, but i have some work ahead of me, i was ill prepared, i need to get lots of info, am staggering in the dark.

[lindagrl]

Thank you so much Aisla. 
If there were a smiley with a tear, i would add that.
Am so very glad to be here

[MelissaAnn]

Linda sweetie,

You very much belong here and very much welcome here. First off any psychiatrist should be helping you understand your feelings so that you know what you want, and should not be put pressure on you to do something that you're not ready for. Do your research so you understand what needs to be done and how to go about it. It sounds like Iceland is different from the United States in the way it's handling its healthcare. I'm certainly glad that they're trying to get up with the WPATH standards of care, but I would definitely make sure that you are well aware of them so that if you're pushed into a box, you're not comfortable with you have yourself educated enough to know whether it's right or wrong. Just remember everybody's path is different and you should be able to choose when things are most comfortable for you. I truly hope and wish that you find the peace, happiness and serenity that you do deserve.

Much love,

Melissa Ann

[lindagrl]

Hugs to you Melissa and to all of you.
Am just falling over, am so tired, going to try and sleep some

[TSJasmine]

Wtf? Your therapist sounds very misunderstanding of your situation & plans as far as transitioning goes. The fact that he's even trying to discourage your transition is odd, especially if you're spending money & confiding in him. I say you find a new therapist who will help you further your transition taking the careful steps you've laid out for yourself. It took me a while before I found a therapist I felt well with & it might be a few for you too. Just keep searching & the pieces will eventually fall into place. Good luck in your transition!

[Seras]

Are you with the Icelandic national health service if you enter this program? I believe most of the Scandinavian health services are also quite tight with the rules as is the UK NHS. If that is the case then perhaps you can find a more reasonable private doctor to get you started, they are normally less rigid with the rules, so long as you got the cash ofc.

Well done booting the weed by the way. It is hard. I couldn't stop until I had been on HRT a few months. I am 4 months without a smoke now, and I had been smoking every day, literally, for 10 years. The only times I didn't was when I was abroad

[lindagrl]

Am going to try to find a new therapist, but i know i won´t be allowed hormones.
Found some information through the trans community, it´s not good.
A committee interviews me and decides if i am worthy of starting the program
and when they look into my file, they will surely shake their heads.
Even if i get through that screening, i must come out publicly immediately and
begin living my life as a woman.  Only after six months to a year later the
committee comes together again to decide if i am fit to start HRT.
There is no way i will make it through that screening process.
In addition, the head honcho in charge is a fellow i have had dealings with,
an arrogant narrow minded twit with delusions of grandeur.
That they put this guy in charge tells a sad story of the state of things here.
i dislike his pompous ways and how he talks down to me,
he dislikes me for not bowing to his greatness and of course for mocking him in return.

Really happy for you Seras, you go girl, four months and going strong, wonderful, inspiring.
It´s just been a few days for me after more or less 35 years of hiding in the smokescreen,
but i really am fed up with it, don´t want it any more.  Maybe this time i can do it.

[lindagrl]

When i am very much upset i like to express my feelings in poetry.
Woke up after 3 hours and scribbled one.
Know that i am so grateful for this place, i mean no offense to anyone,
to me you are all equally wonderful people, brave and inspiring.
These are just fleeting feelings i am expressing, not opinions

This Is It

Here i am
stuck
no going back, no way forward
a deviation, an unfunny joke
an example to be avoided
always worthy of scorn
There i was
hoping
to leave my past, embrace my future
to find my place, to be accepted
content and helping others
such a pretty dream
This is it
nada
i have to face it, must be strong
hide my pain, recite blessings
while wandering in circles
shake a trembling fist
yearned to be she
always just me
an it
Thank god i am not alone
i can survive this
have lived through worse
many times
come on world, show me what you got
i can take it
give me more, don´t hold back
gotta do better than that
cried the crier
Heaven help me

[Seras]

Keep it up linda. The longer you keep going the easier it gets to keep off it

[lindagrl]

Keep it up linda. The longer you keep going the easier it gets to keep off it

i know it Seras and every day is a small victory.  Was inches away from falling last night, my wife saw it,
but instead of saying do you want to go get some? you can dear, she said nothing and i am so glad,
if she had said it a part of me would have felt she had given up on me and maybe i would have done the same.
Am dealing with lots of things these days, some of which i cannot even write about here,
it´s like one storm after another. But i do count my blessings and want to be a better person,
this place is one of those blessings.
Thank you for being there and please nudge me if ever i can be of assistance.
linda

[AngieFerg]

When I went though therapy for HRT it was 21 years ago in 1993. The therapist to me was an obstacle I had to go through or at least I thought I did at the time. I really wasn't sure what to do and was ushered into therapy by a local support group in a city that I had moved. The therapist made me wait 12 months before they gave me a letter. I was very upset during that time. I was going through the last part of puberty and my appearance was changing very rapidly. I was really desperate to stop it and the therapist was not even slightly concerned  with my feelings. If I could go back I would do things very differently and cut the therapist out and find a doctor. I didn't really know how to do that back then. I was too young and inexperienced. I will say that if I was going to see a therapist in order to consider transitioning and HRT I would make sure they were right  for me before seeing them. All I wanted was a letter for HRT from the one I was seeing.

I remember a place called The Clarke Institute in Toronto I believe. They used to make people cross live for one or two years before even administering HRT. It turned out they were run by some very transphobic people who were using their patients as case studies. The HRT of course tends to help people pass and be able to cross live and transition. I can see a lot of problems transitioning from not being on HRT prior to transitioning due to passability issues.