coming out to a family that is transphobic

[amber roskamp]

so I no longer live with my family, but every time I go up to visit my family, I put a lot of attention to how they are with gay issues and how they are with trans issues. I have always known they were homophobic, but last time they ended up talking about trans people 3 times. Lets just say that it wasn't pretty. only one of my brothers seemed to know that we go on hormones and everyone else was acting like the trans person was disgusting. it was very discouraging.

anybody have any luck keeping their family when they are both homophobic and transphobic?

[zordeles]

My family is the same way. Im pretty sure they're reaction is not going to be a pleasant one.:-(

[amber roskamp]

I sucks....  was told that people will suprise you and that you can not predict who will be supportive and who won't be.  This is really encouraging, but its hard not to be pessimistic when you go home and your family still sees being gay as a negative and acts like some one its a complete freak just for being trans. 

[zordeles]

I know what you mean. My "friends" aren't much better in those regards. Its not going to be easy. I can always make new friends. As for my family, I've always been the black sheep. When I come out, they'll actually have a real reason to say it. I'm not living my life for them. I'm living it for ME. (Brave words....just need the courage to actually say them lol)

[awilliams1701]

I told my parents and 1 of my 3 sisters because I knew they were ok with the LGBT community. I held off on the other 2 while trying to find positive ways of encouraging them to support LGBT and they simply got angry. I finally came out entirely a lot sooner than I thought I would (which turned out to be a huge relief) and figured it was time to tell the other 2. I got their poles backwards. I figured one (who talks about her token lesbian friends) would talk down to me and then leave me alone. The other who is married to a man that says stone all the guys and is constantly putting her in her place in the kitchen where she belongs (and she's been eating this crap up from day one) I was certain was going to be the problem.

Nope I got it backwards. My older sister's token lesbian friends apparently mean nothing to her. She simply reenforced that she only tolerates them and not accepts them. She was constantly judging me and harassing me. I had no choice but to cut all contact with her. I figured if I waited any longer there would never be any hope of salvaging our relationship. Its not looking good, but there is still a chance. My youngest sister with the anti-gay values on the other hand has been very silent twords me, but we still talk once a month. She hasn't been judging me or anything like that.

Anyway the key thing is that coming out was a HUGE relief for me and the rejection of my sister was going to happen no matter what. It was only a question of when. I could have waited until I looked more feminine but it wouldn't have made any difference. In the meantime I've found a lot of friends I didn't know I had. People both in my neighborhood and at work have been very supportive of me.

[ErinReign]

I don't have an answer for this quite yet, but plan on coming out to them later in the month.

My family has been very friendly to the Gay and Lesbian community, backing marriage equality, supporting their friends, and sticking up for mine as well.  However they have certainly shown indifference or opposition to issues related to the Trans community. It is their openly transphobic remarks about people they know that concern me the most. So basically I am hoping that their open-mindedness might extend a little bit.

[Eva Marie]

I just wrote my parents off recently. I've explained this until I was blue in the face and they keep ignoring facts and they keep sticking with their condemnation of me. Time for me to cut the line and move on.

My daughters accepted me as did an extremely staunch Christian friend that I just knew would not accept me - he did. Go figure.

You really do find out who your real friends are on this journey. I lost my parents and my wife and that's about it. Oddly enough - it does seem like the ex wife is finally beginning to understand me more now, but the marriage is over.

Hang in there Amber; it does get better.