I haven't posted in a while, so Hi!
I'm doing well in college, surprisingly, even with my depression and dysphoria. I'm not really happy, but my mom's happy since I'm doing well. At least there's that. However, I'm not really 'growing' as a person. I'm no closer to understanding myself. There's a growing discontent and unhappiness inside me, but I'm just sort of brushing it under the carpet and focusing on my studies. I'm not really focused or passionate about my studies either, I'm doing it cause I have to, but that's another issue not related to my dysphoria.
I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but there's a lot of pressure on me to do well, I'm just scared of letting my mom down. My life is kind of hard at the moment, I'm busy 24x7 and my daily routine is stressful, it involves a lot of travelling and dealing with people that aren't always friendly. I'm kind of caught up in all of it the moment, but when I try to unwind and relax, I feel like I'm in denial, like I'm ignoring the biggest elephant in the room. I'm trying so really hard to ignore my dysphoria that it's all I think about subconsciously! I'm trying to keep busy all the time, but I know there's more to life and at some point I think I'd want some happiness and peace of mind. I do fear that at some point when I do come out to people close to me, they'd have a hard time believing me because I'm so well at hiding it.
