Attracted to my Best Male Friend and Can't Stop Crying.

[amrisa loftus]

I'm sorry if the thoughts are a little jumbled. This will be the first time I'm putting this in writing.


With being on HRT for a little over a year, I realizing I'm very much attracted to my best male friend from grade school and I don't know how is the best way to tell him without offending him. I know he has dated cis women in the past. He has support me so far in my transition and we still hang out once a week when our days off from work coincide. We mostly just enjoy each others company and play on our own PC's/laptops and/or watch a movie/show together. We are also very close as friends.
I have identified as asexual and pan-romantic in the past. He has been straight and told me so. I really don't want to loose him as a friend. He is the only friend I don't want to loose from my past. He keeps me anchored with a part of my old self that I don't want to loose.

I'm sorry if this post is in the wrong section. Couldn't find a relationships section.

[suzifrommd]

A couple things come to mind:

* If you bring this up, you can't avoid the risk of losing him as a friend. It will be up to him whether to be friends with you. There is no magic way to tell a friend (of any gender or sexual orientation) that you want to be more than a friend without the risk that he may put distance between you.
* If he is straight, then he will not be attracted to you if he sees you as male. I wouldn't bring up your attraction if that's the way he sees you. Don't know if that's a question you could ask him straight out ("Do you see me as male?") or if you already know, but that would be useful knowledge.
* Please bear in mind that some males put distance between themselves and females. I.e. they are comfortable with male friends but not as comfortable with female friends. I don't know if your friend would feel that way, but understand it's a possibility that if he starts seeing you as female, you may see him pulling away.
* Similarly, many people find it hard to be attracted to someone they are close friends with. To such people, attraction requires a certain amount of mystery and a certain amount of distance. Again, don't know if your friend is like this, but you need to consider it as a possibility that you'll need to pull away if attraction is to go.

Good luck Amrisa. Does this help?

[Gothic Dandy]

I'm going to do a total 180 from suzifrommd and say that if he's as close as you make it out to be, he probably takes you as the female you are and he'll probably understand if you tell him your true feelings. It's still up to him how he chooses to react, obviously, but if you're that close, I doubt he'll put distance between you just for admitting to him that you like him. Would it be worse to tell him and face romantic rejection, or hide it inside forever and hope it fades away?

Tell him what you said here, that you were considering not even telling him because you value his friendship so much that you didn't want to risk losing it. I think that if you work together and are willing to put aside your feelings, there are ways of avoiding any awkwardness in a relationship with one-sided infatuation. Or I might just feel that way since I've only ever been on the receiving end of such friendships.

On the other hand, he might accept your feelings and like you back! Woohoo!

[amrisa loftus]

Thanks both of you have helped a lot.

for Both; He is my strongest supporter among my friends in my transition. He was for awhile, the only person who would call me by female pronouns and Amrisa. He doesn't even bat an eye when I come over looking very feminine. Most of the time I come over in jeans and a t-shirt.

For suzifrommd; When it comes for me looking for someone in a romantic sense, the mystery and distance doesn't work. It tends to keep me away. I need to get to know someone first before I become attracted to the person.

For Gothic Dandy Luca; I can take the romantic rejection and I've been having this feeling ever since I've know him (10+ yrs.) So hoping it fades away is not working. In fact it gets stronger every time I go a visit him. I just don't know if I can take the friendship rejection.

After spending a few hours meditating, talking to my spirit guide, I've decided to tell him at the start of 2015. If he rejects me as a romantic partner, I am going to have to start dating. Which is something I've never done before.  The will be fun.

[Zoetrope]

I'm sorry Amrisa ... I've been there too, too often :~(

Last time it happened, I ended up sitting at his wedding crying my eyes out. To this day I still can't look at his wife and baby.

Oh well :~s

[amrisa loftus]

Thank you SarahBoo and I've done it. I've sent the email to him just few minutes ago.

here is what I sent to him.

I've been trying tell you this for awhile now but I've always chickened out. I've told myself that this year will be a year new strengths and moving forward. I know how we are very best friends and I don't want to jeopardized it for anything. Also, I don't know if we've ever talked about this happening.So what I'm about to tell won't change that on my part unless you want it to. You see I've fallen in love with you. I don't know when exactly or maybe I've always have. Everything you do; from the IM of hey, there is a game sale on steam or whatever. Or even silly little things like owning a very very very small part of an island gets me feeling better on a bad day.
All that I know is my heart jumps a beat whenever you are mentioned or whenever I see you online. When I come over and hangout, it just make my week a whole lot better. I want to feel your warmth and heart beat as I lay my head on your arm as we watch some show or movie.
I just thought you should know. I'm still wanting to be close best friends. Please whatever do, don't respond in anger. Take your time if need be. Also if you share theses feelings, it won't make you gay at all.

If you want some support, There a some really good allies on Susans forums.

[amrisa loftus]

Well he just emailed me back.

I had to delete his actual response due to he might come on here and I didn't get his permission to post it publicly.

He said our friendship is in no danger of ending and he would like to talk things out face to face.

So friend or not, he is a keeper. 

[mrs izzy]

Wishing you the best going forward.

Keep your heart protected until you can give it .

Hope it will work out.

Hugs.

[Rainbow Dash]

I hope it works out for you. I fell in love with my best friend and it killed me when we broke up. Now I wish I could have him back.

Good luck hun *hugs*

I hope you can make it work where we couldn't.

[ChiGirl]

Having love and lost, I think friendships are more important, but he sounds like a great guy.  Don't let him getaway! 

But I know the emotions.  I fell hard for my best friend in HS.

[amrisa loftus]

Sorry It has taken me soo long to reply. I have some very good news about this whole situation.

We had talked about it in person and he has had a feeling that I falling for him might happen. He actually admitted to checking me out form time to time and finding me attractive also. Its just that for how much he sees me as a woman a part of him can't get over that fact that we've been best buds(male) for most of our friendship.

We will still hang out like we usually do.

It hurt being put in the FRIENDZONE

Thanks for all who replied. Each of you helped. Have fun times and even funner dreams.

[Tripdistrans]

Amrisa, we shall wallow in the our-best-friend-broke-our-heart puddle together.

I was talking to my own Heart-breaker the other day, and we were discussing the fact that she's fairly sure the person SHE likes doesn't like HER, and I pointed out to her that she makes my life an indie movie. Upon asking why, I told her quite simply, 'Moving on is the ultimate game of fake-it-till-you-make-it'.

I realize now, if anyone is good at fakin' it till we're makin' it, it is definitely trans people. So let's prove we the masters, yo!