Ready for HRT...or am I?

[Stephbutterfly]

Hi gals...I think I am finding this resource at the right time.  I am a married 50 yo TG that came out to wife in June 2014.  I have been seeing an awesome therapist, but my wife is concerned she can't deal with living with a woman.  I just got my Spiro & E and was going to start when I started second guessing myself.  When i looked at pros vs cons, i am potentially losing everything in my quest to be authentic - my wife, kids, friends, inheritance, and all i gain is me. 

Then I was pretty suicidal yesterday, feeling like everyone would just be better off without me.  I managed to pull myself out of it, but now am more convinced than ever that I need to transition.

Can anyone tell me I am not crazy???   Will it be worth it to give up everything???

Juts looking for someone to tell me I am worth it...

hugs XOX

[Ms Grace]

Hey Steph

Welcome to Susan's Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

Now, first of all - yes, absolutely you are worth it. There is no denying that many people who have transitioned have lost close to everything, spouse, job, children etc.i would be lying to you if I said that wasn't a risk. Conversely, there are those who don't. A lot of it comes down to how you and others respond to the change, the ability to be truthful and open minded and supportive. Starting HRT won't transform your body overnight, in fact many of the changes won't be noticeable to others for up to a year. That gives you the opportunity to start and, in conjunction with your doctors, see if it is right for you. Chances are if it is you will get a sense of that pretty quickly. All the best!

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Cheers

Grace

[Lostkitten]

Welcome ^^.

If anything, you have friends, a wife, kids and so much more so please do not feel suicidal. You have a lot to live for already. I understand it does feel bad if you cannot be yourself just yet but focus on what you have, instead of what you cannot have (just yet).

It is great you came out to your wife already ^^. It probably is a shock as much to her as it is to you. Give her the time to let it sink in and in the meanwhile.. think for yourself as of what can ease your feelings. HRT is just so much with transitioning but before that you can look for wigs/grow out hair, practice with make-up even if it is the slightest and/or look at what kind of clothes you would like. Take the time to get to know yourself and enjoy every step you take. Focus on that, and see where this path brings you ^^.

[ImagineKate]

Welcome ^^.

If anything, you have friends, a wife, kids and so much more so please do not feel suicidal. You have a lot to live for already. I understand it does feel bad if you cannot be yourself just yet but focus on what you have, instead of what you cannot have (just yet).

This may sound good in theory but personally my need to be whole overrode all the joy I have. Sure absolutely all of these things are stuff to live for but for me it was not a reason to put transition on hold.

I mean I absolutely love my kids. My wife too. She doesn't think so now since I dropped the T bomb on her but I do. That said I don't love myself and this drives my willingness to transition. I mean who really wants to put up with arguments, accusations and hurt feelings?

[Lostkitten]

I know it isn't as easy as it sounds, but all I am saying is don't give up. If you give up it can never get better either and as long as you have people who love you.. make it worth it. It is worth it to go trough the pain more likely if there is a big chance the love of others will stay even if it needs time instead if you do not have a partner, parents, kids, or anything keeping you together. Even if they do not fully agree with it, they do want you with them.

[JoanneB]

As a now 58 y/o late transitioner I feel your pain. I had PLENTY of "WTF am I doing/thinking " moments early on. Still do. Perhaps since I haven't taken the plunge to full-time. I also got my less than fair share "I didn't marry a woman" etc comments from my wife 6 years ago when I dropped the T-Bomb. To this day I still don't want to transition, thinking more like I perhaps need to, to some extent. But until I can feel both my wife and I and the US can come out the other side OK, I work on myself.

I've been on/off low dose HRT several times as a brain reset. This last time no different. At the same time with my life once again in the toilet, having too much free time, alone with my thoughts, no diversions, no distractions, no more denial. I reached out for help and got it.

Six years later I've grown both emotionally and spiritually. I am finally becoming one whole, healthy, and happy person. My wife is seeing me realize the potential to grow she saw in me many decades ago. She is mostly happy with the person I am today. (Aside from getting a handful of boob when we spoon)

During all the many may WTF moments, between the gallons of tears, between the desires to chug just another drink, I remind myself "I KNOW what Does Not Work". As scary as trying something new is, the results spoke for themself

[Stephbutterfly]

Thanks so much all. This really helps. And I totally agree that this is something I have to do for myself by myself.

I have taken the plunge and I feel very liberated already. I am woman hear me roar!

I think this is the beginning of some great friendships. Thanks so much for the support!

Hugs XOX Steph