how do you know when it's time to switch bathrooms

[immortal gypsy]

Yes the biggest factor for any successful transition is confidence. The ability to walk head held high interact with people and get on with your daily life. Now one of those daily chores we all can face is public bathrooms.

I'm starting to pass more and more at work and  in public especially when I'm with a girlfriend over male friends (I think in Australia when you go out with two males or a guy and a girl and it can automatically become hey guys). So how do you know that it's time to go to the correct bathroom. Was it strange looks from others while you where entering exiting. Or did you get a sorry sir miss I think you want that one. Or did you just put the blinkers on and say I belong in here

Any thoughts, opinions and stories on how you manage this will be greatly appreciated

Baby stepping at the moment but this is probably the last hurdle I truly need to cross

[Polo]

I dunno about Australia but in America there could be one guy with five girls and the greeting is "Hey guys" so I wouldn't read that as being misgendered per se...For me I made the switch when women started looking at me concernedly/confusedly, double checking the door when they saw me exiting, etc.  The final push was when I was actually stopped by a female attendant who hesitantly asked if I was in the right bathroom.  I began by going into men's restrooms I knew were low-traffic to build up my confidence, and have never had to go back.

I bet that going in with a female friend would help you in the beginning, people are unlikely to question two friends going into the restroom, plus women seem to do that all the time anyway (in America at least).

It's a big step and a great one, good luck

[TerriT]

I switched when men started chasing me out of the boys bathroom while I was still in boy mode. I do still have anxiety about using the girls room though and will try to avoid it or find ones that are not very public. Thank God I've never been harassed or anything in the girls room.

[Jenna Marie]

When guys would walk in, look at me, turn around, and march back out. Some awfully confused men for a few weeks before I took the hint...

[mrs izzy]

As said when the men say excuse me I think you entered the wrong restroom when in androgens mode.

That's when I started going more part time enfem.

[Carrie Liz]

Pretty simple... use the genderings of anonymous people as a guide.

If anonymous people are calling you by female pronouns more often than not, then you should probably be using the women's room. If anonymous people are calling you by male pronouns more often than not, then you should probably be using the men's room.

And yeah, I pretty much used this as a guide, and had no problems.

About 7 months into hormones, I started being gendered female consistently while wearing a wig, and as such I started using the women's room when I was out in "girl mode." No problems. I kept using the men's room when not in "girl mode," mainly at work, for another 7 months after that. Near the end of that time, I had several instances where guys in the bathroom were giving me weird looks while I was at the sink doing my hair, hiding themselves in shock when I walked into the bathroom. Near the same time, I started getting called "she" pretty consistently, at least several times a day, by customers who didn't know me. At that point, I started dressing more femme with confidence, started using the women's room 100% of the time, and the rest is history, I had no problems at all.

[immortal gypsy]

Giry mode Guy mode .

Looking at my wardrobe I don't think I can find a single piece of guys clothing in style length or cut. It has been this way for more then a few years now

Maybe it's a lack of confidence in the situation, but confidence in myself that I'm not paying attention to others if I have to use the bathroom.

While random strangers (both work and in public) and shop assistants have been gendering me correctly more lately I have yet to see weird looks from the bathrooms (sigh). Maybe just a case of if you are in there you belong. I don't know maybe I'm thinking too much

Wanting to go full time and really this is the only thing that is holding me back now.

Still thinking still baby stepping, but yes any more examples on how you knew and how you where able would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

[Eva Marie]

I swapped bathrooms after my legal name and gender change was complete. I had experienced male fail a few times prior but it was not a severe problem for me at that point. I used the guy's restroom at work for the last time late on a Thursday afternoon, and when I came back to work as Eva the following Wednesday I started using the ladies room.

Its kind of funny though - I tend to walk around lost in deep thought about work issues, and force of habit has steered me into the men's room a couple of times before I realized what I was doing Luckily no one saw me either time.

[suzifrommd]

Any thoughts, opinions and stories on how you manage this will be greatly appreciated

I always used the bathroom of the gender I was presenting. Early on when I was nervous about not passing, I tried to use a unisex restroom whenever available, but never used the men's if I was dressed as a woman.

[Polo]

While random strangers (both work and in public) and shop assistants have been gendering me correctly more lately I have yet to see weird looks from the bathrooms (sigh). Maybe just a case of if you are in there you belong. I don't know maybe I'm thinking too much

As I have been told and subsequently experienced, guys hardly look at each other in the restroom unless they already know one another.  If no one is really looking, how could they see something is different?

I think that "if you are in there you belong" does apply to an extent, and if you are already being gendered correctly by strangers then you're probably better off using the correct restroom

[awilliams1701]

I talked to HR before telling anyone else. We then scheduled an "optional employee announcement" which a lot of people actually showed up to. The bathroom was the biggest concern so we came up with a solution. I would put a magnet of some kind on the frame around the door as a way of saying Ashley's in there. Those who were uncomfortable would have to wait or use a different bathroom. It didn't take long before one of the ladies I knew had an issue showed up in there. After that I stopped doing it and didn't get any complaints. The magnet made me feel like I was in grade school again, but it was only for a couple of weeks. I was a little more concerned on my way home from my first endo visit and I had to go at Wendy's. Fortunately there weren't a lot of people in there and most people were using the drive through. But I've been told that at this point, I'm in girl mode 100% of the time, so I need to use the girl's room 100% of the time.

[Jill F]

I was wearing a dress publically for the second time and really had to go.  Men's room- not even an option.  It was no big deal and completely uneventful.   I really freaked out one of my friends (also trans) by telling her I did this on my second time out.   She had been publically trans for ages and still could never work up the nerve to do this.   

Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is.  You go in, close the stall, do your business, wash up and leave just like everyone else.  If you act like it's a big deal, I suppose it has the potentlal to become one due to your demeanor being "off".   

It was funny though that after I'd been fulltime for several months that I found myself in a familiar bar/restaurant downtown and by force of habit opened the men's room door.  Oops!  Sorry guys...

[awilliams1701]

Actually that makes a huge difference. I've owned it since day one. The HR lady says I'm the 3rd person she's worked with through this. The other 2 weren't as confident as I am. They were sending out mixed signals that was making everyone uncomfortable. I can't deny that internally I've had my occasional "WTF am I doing moments?", but publicly I refuse to let them out. I am a little self conscious about it though. I try to be discrete. I even flush immediately even if I'm not quite done to minimize the smell. I respect the other ladies in there and I own my right to be in there. I think that helps a great deal.

I was wearing a dress publically for the second time and really had to go.  Men's room- not even an option.  It was no big deal and completely uneventful.   I really freaked out one of my friends (also trans) by telling her I did this on my second time out.   She had been publically trans for ages and still could never work up the nerve to do this.   

Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is.  You go in, close the stall, do your business, wash up and leave just like everyone else.  If you act like it's a big deal, I suppose it has the potentlal to become one due to your demeanor being "off".   

It was funny though that after I'd been fulltime for several months that I found myself in a familiar bar/restaurant downtown and by force of habit opened the men's room door.  Oops!  Sorry guys...

[Ms Grace]

I was wearing a dress publically for the second time and really had to go.  Men's room- not even an option.  It was no big deal and completely uneventful.   

I think that was me on the third time I'd ever been out in girl mode. It was a bit weird at first, no urinals and no line of guys pissing into them, more stalls and less of a lingering malodorous stench in the air and wow is it so much nicer!

Confidence is a big factor. But how you present is key to it all working. When I bumped into you the other day you were quite andro in appearance and clothes but in the first second I saw you I read you as female, you have boobs for crying out loud!! But look, it's not like women stare at each other in the face when you walk in, they might look at you and smile if there is a queue but other than that, as mentioned above, it's all business in there. I'd say you would've been able to use the ladies the other day, no way the guys. But you need the confidence. Do you have a dress or a skirt, something regarded a bit more feminine - wear that out and if you need to go, then make a beeline for the ladies. That might help to give you a bit more confidence for the next time you're in a tee and pants.

[Teela Renee]

I switched when men started chasing me out of the boys bathroom while I was still in boy mode. I do still have anxiety about using the girls room though and will try to avoid it or find ones that are not very public. Thank God I've never been harassed or anything in the girls room.

This is more or less what I was going to say XD

[arimoose]

When everyone starts looking at you funny when you use the one you always used to use. Lol. I was at a car show and was socially sort of hustled into the men's room, and that day I realized, well, I am passing without even thinking about it, lol.

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[immortal gypsy]

Yeah I'm not a skirt or dress girl. I will wear jeans when it is 45ºC in the shade. (I doubt I even have a pair of shorts lying around)

I switched when men started chasing me out of the boys bathroom while I was still in boy mode. I do still have anxiety about using the girls room though and will try to avoid it or find ones that are not very public. Thank God I've never been harassed or anything in the girls room.

I think that's part of my problem, yes I do have boobs but I have yet to be chased out of the mens. I look in the mirror to see what I'm wearing,  and don't see a guy more half the time anymore. Grr trying and buying on clothing is childsplay, why is this so difficult

[Ms Grace]

To quote Nike - Just. Do. It. 

[Jill F]

To quote Nike - Just. Do. It. 

And Just. Do. It. Sitting. Down.   

[immortal gypsy]

To quote Nike - Just. Do. It. 

And Just. Do. It. Sitting. Down.   

Ok this Wednesday morning I'll go bowling and, I will "Just. Do It." "Just Do It. Sitting. Down. "
Low traffic if I get in before the school kids and I know the area so I should be comfortable

I put it down on the forums, guess that means I'm committed