Ya.. I was really hoping this was my chance at happiness and self acceptance to finally feel whole and to get rid of the gender dysphoria, but alas it's not happened. I don't want to go into a long drawn out story so to just short hand this. After 9 months now in HRT I still don't identify as female. I do feel, sound, behave etc as female but can't see that in my head. The same goes for when I was a guy and couldn't identify as male either. However I just feel like what I've been longing for is the ability to show and express femininity without having to trade my body. I do love what I see in the mirror, but my mind is always constantly thinking like I use to, always remembering my past memories all as a guy. And when I think back, I wasn't really all that unhappy. I was just sad and mad and depressed that I had not been born female and dwelled over it for 25 years and then after going for it and living that way full time for about 7 months of the 9. I just don't feel like I am suppose to live life as a women. Ya it's been fun and so many new experiences. But I don't want to have to learn all this new stuff and have to constantly deal with arrogant, pervert, horn dog guys. Always talking to me like I'm some piece off ass. It just irritates me and outrages me and I don't want that life. So, I think I'm choosing to go back to living as "male" even if I can't identify as one.
I am so thankful for all the support from my sisters on here and wanted you all to know that I will always remember the words of encouragement and support from everyone. I wish you all the best and happiness, be safe and live happily my fellow ladies.
