Do you want to blend in?

[Lostkitten]

More of a psychologic question. Here on these fora we are often talking about passing, going stealth and living who you always wanted to be but I wonder. Are there people who do not want to pass 100%?

Transition for many can be sort of an addiction. A way of living without ever passing or with the feeling or never passing even if you might already do.

I am almost 6.2ft and well, I hear rumors that hormones can make you shrink (can someone tell me if this is correct or not? The other day I even saw a gender therapist (youtube) explain it but I just don't know anymore now x_x) even if just an inch or two. A lot with my height would love that. No more stares everywhere you go, awkward bathroom situations and just living the life as who you always wanted to be.

I always was the insecure kid. Together with my transition I gotten more confidence and liked to, if possible, be a role-model. Not to feel better than others but to motivate others to take more risks of which scare them. Just as how my role model has always been Andreja Pejic whenever I have doubts or feel insecure. Now I could wish for the perfect voice (working on it), 4 inches shorter (that be pretty short in the Netherlands) and being perfectly pass-able without doubt. I would probably blend in without being looked at much at all.

On some days I would love to fully blend in, but in general I do like it to have the possibility to make a change. To inspire people and change a narrow minded person just by introducing yourself.

Does anyone recognize this? Or do most just get the transition over with as soon as possible and get on with their life?

[Devlyn]

I'm a guy who looks good when he dresses as a woman. It's who I am and I wouldn't want to be known as anyone else.

"but in general I do like it to have the possibility to make a change. To inspire people and change a narrow minded person just by introducing yourself."

That I like!

Hugs, Devlyn

[stephaniec]

I'd love to have the capability of total invisibility , but I also acknowledge the basic fact that I'm transgender. walking down the avenue with no one having a clue , but I've lived far too long presenting as male to ignore that fact.

[suzifrommd]

I want people who just meet me not to know I'm trans. I want it to be up to me when and whether people learn about my history.

But I generally want my friends to know. It's hard to be honest with them about my past and my thoughts without them knowing where I came from.

[Lostkitten]

Wait the waiters. Just to add to it . Blending in does not mean being transgender or not, a gothic does not blend in either.

[BunnyBee]

I would always prefer to blend in, but also being 6'2", that is not always possible.  I'm not talking about passing, just a 6'2" lady walks by, people look.  I wouldn't hope too much to shrink unless you're older, I didn't shrink at all.

I think that all prople get shorter as the get older, things compress and don't bounce back the same way, and if you're in transition when that happens, you give hormones credit for it.  Maybe?   I wish I could shrink.

[Ms Grace]

Blending in does not mean being transgender or not, a gothic does not blend in either.

That is an awesome point. Plenty of people stand out quite remarkably for any number of reasons. Saw a woman (Maori from New Zealand I gather) with tattoos on her face yesterday, you can't be a lot more conspicuous than that.

I gather I blend in but I also stand out. So I own the fact that I an a 6'3" woman since there is absolutely no hiding that... and my hair colour ensures people notice me. I believe (hope?) though that they notice me as a tall attractive* red haired woman and that is all.

Hide in plain sight.

*if I do say so myself...!

[PinkCloud]

I am far too colorful, and an independent free spirit to ever blend in. So no, I do not want to blend into the grey mass of clones I see shuffling along. That is why I love my height, and in an awkward way I secretly think that being trans is something to be proud of, because it instantly sets you apart. To be a bit mysterious is something I like. The world has 3.5 billion other woman, more or less all look alike, all following the same trend. Too boring for me, but I am still a woman, and pass as one (usually, or mostly, it depends...)

[KittyKat]

I'm pretty happy where I am right now. Even with short hair people think me and my wife are a lesbian couple and that's if I don't wear any make-up. For the topics question I'm happy with blending in, I'm not ashamed to explain that I'm transgender when appropriate like today we had a Doctor's visit for our son and the nurse at first was asking if I was my wife's friend, sister, partner etc and I explained I was the father and transgender. If there's no reason to mention that I'm transgender I'm not going to bring it up most likely. I am glad that I stopped growing just before becoming super tall for a female and I'm only 5'8", still avoid heels most of the time.

[androgynouspainter26]

I mean, it's all situational, right?  I don't think there's a single person on earth who ever wants to blend in one hundred percent of the time, and if they do wish thus, I pity them.  Just as dangerous though is someone who can never blend in anywhere-and that's the camp I'm sorta stuck in right now.  It seems to me that all of us need to be able to hide in plain sight when we feel the need, though not all the time, for the sake of our mental health.  There are days I totally love standing out, and others where I just want to fly under the radar and get on with my life...so, I don't think it's right to make this an all-or-nothing question!  On many levels, I do own my trans-ness, but it's still nice to pass when I'm able to.

[Cindy]

I do not blend in. I'm well known from TV etc as a transgender woman. I'm sort of proud of it - I'm special for many reasons, I see no reason to hide it. I understand why people want to go stealth, and maybe if I was younger I would have tried, but since I can't, I shall, very proudly stand in front of anyone and say, I'm transgender, got an issue with that ?

Because I fail to see why it is an issue.

[ImagineKate]

I don't want strangers to know. My family and close friends, sure. I didn't want to be trans. I am a woman and I want to look and sound like one.

It's like being a U.S. citizen. I am one but I wasn't born one. I dislike when people try to distinguish between naturalized and natural born. So I can't run for president. Big deal. It's not like the average person can get elected anyway.  I am a citizen and an American. Nothing more nothing less. I love this country as my own, certainly more than my birth country. Don't try to separate me from you as a citizen because you won the lottery of being born in the right country, or body for that matter.

[Cindy]

I do not blend in. I'm well known from TV etc as a transgender woman. I'm sort of proud of it - I'm special for many reasons, I see no reason to hide it. I understand why people want to go stealth, and maybe if I was younger I would have tried, but since I can't, I shall, very proudly stand in front of anyone and say, I'm transgender, got an issue with that ?

Because I fail to see why it is an issue.
[/quote
it's a zero sum game
out and proud and "free"
stealth and sisterhood and a quiet boring life...

I'm sorry your life is boring. Maybe you should take up a hobby.

[kast]

I pass 100% and am mostly stealth by default rather than actually desiring that. I've considered changing my hair or clothing to look more "queer" as I relate to that and feel it would more accurately represent how I feel. I pass as a probably hetero cismale about 5+ years younger than I am, and I don't always like that. I don't want to be misread as a woman, but sometimes I want to be read as a trans man because I'm proud of this aspect of myself.

[KittyKat]

I wouldn't just stand by if there was someone actively saying something against the community. I just kind of blend as a go with the flow option. I have been talking to people about joining equal rights groups after I graduate and establish my nursing career.

[Jenna Marie]

I never wanted anything more than to blend in; I'm an introvert and shy, so I hate people looking at or paying attention to me.

That said, it actually means that on the occasions when I do voluntarily out myself, it makes an impression - we all have different lessons to teach based on our own life experiences and willingness, and mine occasionally is that the totally boring ordinary-looking woman over there could be trans*.

[Natkat]

Does anyone recognize this? Or do most just get the transition over with as soon as possible and get on with their life?

I like to pass for the fact that I dont have to correct misgendering every single time I meet a stranger.
on the other hand I dont like blending in. After I transitioned I felt alot of people simple "belive im a normal guy" putting on the "normal expectations" on me.
this is true to one part im really not THAT special, On the other hand it also means alot of me automatically are being erasured.

Its not so much just for making a chance it more about not feeling I hide anything. like you could go around and then the people you hang out with out of sudden say something really transhobic because they belive you are cis, where when you dont blend in, those people would not talk to you in the first place, or maybe they will and would had educated themself by then?.

the only time I for sure want to blend in 100% is when I am in a dangerous situation where you as a lgbt person is on the risk of abuse, and that is only for the matter of safety.

[ChrissyChips]

 I think I would just like it to be my choice whether I blend in at any particular time. Sure I like to be centre of attention sometimes but do I  want to be that centre of attention because I'm a non-passing trans woman? nope, not really.

[DanielleA]

I rather enjoy being 6ft tall as it gives me a sense of security but as in looks, I am happy to blend in. It is just the flare in my character that stands out a bit... heh... just like my mum (exfoster mum) she is a wild one!

[GnomeKid]

Blending in was never my goal... It sort of just happened.  Now that it has I can say that it definitely has advantages and disadvantages.  Probably more advantages in the long run, but I can't say I always like it.