Early today, around lunchtime, I was talking with my mom who called to see if I had received a card with a check in the envelope to buy her grand-daughters Christmas presents with. I said I had and we talk for awhile and got on the subject of how I was doing, how things were at home with my wife, how my gender counseling was going and all.
My home life has been absolutely terrible since early November when I fully and completely came out to my wife and not allowing her to push or bully me back into the proverbial closet, which she can't stand that I won't go back. I've denied myself for for too long.
My parents know of my trans and I've come out to them. I don't think they fully understand to what extent I am tans though. My mom made a comment to me today to the extent of "at least your (meaning me) not going to have a sex change". It wasn't made as a question, but more of a statement of proclamation like she knew or I had told her previously. I hadn't done either which was probably my mistake. Anyways, this bugged me all afternoon and really affected my productivity at work. Thinking back after the fact I wish I would have dealt with the comment when it was made, but it caught me off guard.
I had a difficult time with this. I think largely because disclosing something to this extent really puts the possibility into reality both for me and also for my parents and maybe tests their extent of which they said they'll always love me no matter what. The potential fear of rejection I guess.
I decided I needed to be honest and forthright, so I called my mom back about 4 hours later on my drive home and confronted the statement with her. She was a little shocked by my position and the possibility that it may happen someday. I said I wasn't sure if it would ever get to the extent of full SRS, but I know I need to explore where all this is taking me. I've struggled with this for too many years, I need to find peace and happiness again.
She understood, although not completely sure what it all means. I offered to talk with my therapist tonight at my counseling session and see if she'd do a phone session with my parents or if she'd prefer for them to come in - side note: my parents live 6 hours away so it's not easy to have them just come to a session. My mom was open to the idea and willing. I also explained that I needed to call her back and defend my being trans and to be honest surrounding her comment as I didn't want any surprises in the future if I do proceed with body altering surgeries. She was thankful and supportive again. I finished with I just want the communication to be open and honest between us and I don't want to hide myself anymore ...... that I can't hide because it's who I am.
My mom also asked how my part-time was going at Kohls and I explained to her in further detail that I took the job as my female self and have been accepted and welcomed by management, co-workers and customers. My mom was surprised that I was so out in the public as a female, she thought it was more closeted and maybe confined to some glbt type bars and such, but overall was happy for me.
Lastly, I also confided in her of my preferred female name of Jennifer or Jenni. This caught her a bit of guard as she didn't say much to this, but said she'll love me no matter what. I finished by saying that if she has any questions or wants to talk further to please don't wait to call me. She said she would.
I need to give it some time I think to sink in as there is some processing of all the new information that came out tonight, but it sounds promising. Keeping my hopes up and this is going to be an interesting Christmas with my parents and extended family. Lots of coming out to do.
Best wishes to all!!
