Is it necessary to pass??

[Laurette Mohr]

 Is it absolutely necessary for one to pass in order to transition?? Or can you transition knowing that you may never pass as long as you are absolutely or close to it happy with this?? Just curious.

[ImagineKate]

It is a personal choice and only you can answer that question for yourself.

It is important to me to some degree. It may not be important to some people.

[suzifrommd]

Is it absolutely necessary for one to pass in order to transition?? Or can you transition knowing that you may never pass as long as you are absolutely or close to it happy with this?? Just curious.

I know many trans women who never pass. They're some of the happiest trans women I know, thrilled just to be able to live as their true selves.

[Tessa James]

I am one of those who pass sometimes in casual situations and accepted myself as transgender and unlikely to ever look as good as I feel.  Transitioning is wonderful for me and i try not to fuss about the varied responses.  Most smiles are returned:-)

[JoanneB]

Balance...

If you feel 'Passing' is absolutely necessary, and you feel you don't, then don't.... yet

Bottom line, Transition is just another way of saying I am sick and tired of being TWO SEPARATE PEOPLE. How you go about, and the steps it takes to reach that goal are unique to each and every one of us. Just as all the crap that life threw at us that we have to get over before we even can is unique.

I found that once I began to accept myself for who and what I am, what others thought mattered less. And this is coming from someone obsessed with being accepted and not having rocks thrown at her (and I have)

[mystique]

The goal of transitioning is, to our best ability, try to look and alter our body to the sex the matches our gender. To pass is often the end goal, but there is no guarantee that it will be attainable due to different circumstances. Although I'm fortunate that I do pass well, I've accepted the fact that there are some testosterone induced features that I could never change, like bone structure, feet/hands size.

[Cindy]

A different view. Passing is in your brain, not in other people's.

[Ms Grace]

The thing is not to write yourself off based on your current perception of yourself. I know that when I started to consider transition for the second time I believed I would have absolutely zero chance of passing. Seriously. What hope did I have looking like this??



That was taken two weeks before I started HRT. And today, 18 months later I pass pretty much every time I'm out and about and interacting with strangers and so on and so forth. The HRT has made a difference for sure, but the rest of it was in presentation and confidence and belief in myself.

Which leads us too...

A different view. Passing is in your brain, not in other people's.

I would agree with this, and it's why so many people who do pass can't or won't admit that they do.

[Clhoe G]

Yes for me passing is almost everything to me.

[Stephanie2]

For me passing would be important to feel better about myself. At the very least, if I could keep them guessing, would be better than nothing!

[Laurette Mohr]

 Thank you all for words of encouragement and guidance. It seems to me there's no right nor wrong way to transition. We write the script as we go along. Thank you so much again. BIG HUGS

[Stevie]

 I am 56 started social transition about a year ago, not on HRT yet hopefully next year; no wig no makeup, and I don't have a guy mode. Do I pass? Sometimes about 50% maybe less, could be people are just being nice. I have some hard days, yet I still feel so much better like this.  Regrets, I should of surrendered to me years ago.

[barbie]

Passing is not so much important to me. Just looking sexy and hopefully beautiful is my priority.

barbie~~

[Ms Grace]

We write the script as we go along.

This is definitely an ad lib theatre sports style production!

[Nevara]

For most people I'd say yes it is. Say what you will, but there is a huge amount of discrimination towards visible transgender people. This seems to be especially true for transwomen. If you pass, you are treated as any other young woman. If you don't pass, you are suddenly a freak.

Every time I bring this up, someone gets into a debate of male vs. female privilege, but let me say that being visibly transgender is about worst thing you can do to yourself in terms of career, education and social (dating) opportunities. 

If you had a career for 20 years and you're established financially and socially, not passing might be doable. However for a fresh college-grad in her early 20s, passing is paramount. I wouldn't even DARE walk into an interview presenting female unless I wanted to be laughed out of an opportunity. No one wants to hire or admit a transgirl when there are 100s of equally qualified cis-guys and girls applying as well. Not passing pretty much denies you any opportunity at any client-facing careers. So I'm pretty much forced to drudge it out in male mode until I have my surgeries.

I guess this is why I have a hard time relating to the 40- and 50- year olds here who can brush off not passing. It's also why I envy the girls that were able to transition early so much. I know I won't be passable before I have FFS. And in white middle class suburbia, presenting female while I'm unpassable is just about the worst and most humiliating thing I can think of doing. So basically I need to make this massive jump from presenting male to having FFS and presenting female full time just to really kick off my transition.

[Stevie]

I guess this is why I have a hard time relating to the 40- and 50- year olds here who can brush off not passing.

Trust me I don't brush it off, it sucks being called mam and sir during same transaction with a clerk, it can make you feel pretty ->-bleeped-<-ty about yourself. The cost of maintaining the facade of manhood for decades was just too taxing on me physically and mentally.  If I come across with what seems a flippant attitude its just me trying to bolster my confidence. 

Stevie

[Missy~rmdlm]

No, passing is required for stealth, not transition. The situation is: if you don't pass, people will either jump to the conclusion about your past, or directly ask you, along with all the prejudicial baggage that entails.

[Tessa James]

For most people I'd say yes it is. Say what you will, but there is a huge amount of discrimination towards visible transgender people. This seems to be especially true for transwomen. If you pass, you are treated as any other young woman. If you don't pass, you are suddenly a freak.

Every time I bring this up, someone gets into a debate of male vs. female privilege, but let me say that being visibly transgender is about worst thing you can do to yourself in terms of career, education and social (dating) opportunities. 

If you had a career for 20 years and you're established financially and socially, not passing might be doable. However for a fresh college-grad in her early 20s, passing is paramount. I wouldn't even DARE walk into an interview presenting female unless I wanted to be laughed out of an opportunity. No one wants to hire or admit a transgirl when there are 100s of equally qualified cis-guys and girls applying as well. Not passing pretty much denies you any opportunity at any client-facing careers. So I'm pretty much forced to drudge it out in male mode until I have my surgeries.

I guess this is why I have a hard time relating to the 40- and 50- year olds here who can brush off not passing. It's also why I envy the girls that were able to transition early so much. I know I won't be passable before I have FFS. And in white middle class suburbia, presenting female while I'm unpassable is just about the worst and most humiliating thing I can think of doing. So basically I need to make this massive jump from presenting male to having FFS and presenting female full time just to really kick off my transition.

I think you are making some legitimate points about some of the distinctions for our individual transitions.   I'm one of those oldies who is basically established and secure with no bosses to please or jobs to lose.  And then folks in my situation may say we have the most to lose with a long established relationship, family and career.  There is no real meter for quantifying the pain we may endure.  The real problem is the discrimination you aptly acknowledge.  How we change that for the people currently out and vulnerable and those to follow is an even greater challenge that we face together.  Happy Solstice

[barbie]

If you had a career for 20 years and you're established financially and socially, not passing might be doable. However for a fresh college-grad in her early 20s, passing is paramount. I wouldn't even DARE walk into an interview presenting female unless I wanted to be laughed out of an opportunity. No one wants to hire or admit a transgirl when there are 100s of equally qualified cis-guys and girls applying as well. Not passing pretty much denies you any opportunity at any client-facing careers. So I'm pretty much forced to drudge it out in male mode until I have my surgeries.

Yes. It is true. I have had to outperform professionally.

Some people, some times, have tried to object to my wearing makeup and skirt, but they do not repeat it. They have no alternative but to accept (or ignore) my appearance and live (or work) together with me. They do not have any implementable measure to discourage me.

barbie~~

[Toni_10461]

I just started my transition a few months ago and for me passing or not doesn't matter much. For now it's more about becoming my true self.