Bathroom nightmare!

[M9848]

So, this past semester at the community college I attend, I got harassed a lot in the women's bathroom. I started to use the men's and everything was fine. This semester my classes are on a different campus and I'm super nervous about the bathroom situation. I don't think I really pass as male yet, but have gotten kicked out of the female's restroom before.  I start T toward the end of Jan and classes start the beginning. I don't know if I should use the female or use the male restroom.  I just don't want to get kicked out of the female's like I did before and I don't want to get harassed in the men's.  I have a stp, but I hate it. Is it common for men to sit to pee?

[Eva Marie]

in the gents nobody gives a crap what happens in cubicles stalls. just make like you need to crap if there's a queue.

Yep, the guys (if they are even paying attention to you) will just assume that you are taking a crap and will think nothing of it. If they hear pee while you are in there that's happens sometimes when taking a crap so it will be no big deal either.

[Going4Miles]

Hi there. 

First, congrats on passing (part time) and for already using the men's restrooms as a pre-T FTM!  That's quite an achievement IMO.  I have not yet experienced the passing issue with public bathrooms since I am not able to pass so I only use the women's restrooms.  I have some suggestions that you might want to consider.  I see your situation as a transgender rights issue.  You need to use the appropriate bathroom that matches your adopted gender, which is male.  Do not worry about the fact you are in the early stages of transition; this should not matter because you identify as trans and are presenting yourself full-time as male.  So, for you own personal safety and peace of mind, e, set up a meeting with an on-campus faculty member to discuss your concerns.  This meeting should be done as soon as possible and in person, face to face.  You want this person to see you.  Tell this person your situation and your concerns for safety and protection in their bathrooms as well as anywhere on campus.  You need to find out the school's attitudes on transgendered students.  The point of the meeting is to, #1, make them aware they have transgendered students, #2 safety and security is a grave concern to trans people due to the fact that crime and discrimination is high in our group.  The school is responsible for the safety and security of ALL students.  Do not allow the counsellor to tell you which bathroom to use; this is YOUR choice.  It is your right to use the bathroom that matches your identity, which is male.  The school needs to accommodate your needs and this includes the bathroom. 

Also, you need to find as much support as you can.  Does this campus have a club or support group that includes trans people?  A GLBT group?  Join it!  Even if you find you are their only trans member, it gets you connected with the community and who knows, maybe you will meet others who are in the same or similar situation as you. 

Good luck to you!

Miles

[FTMax]

For me, it depends where I am and how comfortable I feel. Get a feel for the dudes that are around before going in there. As has already been said, no one cares what goes on in the stalls. I regularly go in and sit to pee. If I feel ehhhh about the guys that are around, I'll sit in there and make it seem like I'm going for #2 until the bathroom is empty before I come out.

Since it's a new campus to you, might be worth a little extra time to look at a map and see if there aren't any single use restrooms around.

[CursedFireDean]

1. If girls are kicking you out man, you pass
2. I don't pass 100% of the time, probably about 75%, maybe 60%, but I still use the men's room. Nobody really looks long enough to notice, and even if they did see you and wonder, they're not really gonna care. If you look enough like a guy to get kicked from the women's room, you don't need to worry about the men's. I use the men's now, and the most I've ever gotten is one weird look, but he just continued about his business. Normally I wait for a stall but in that particular moment I decided to come back to the bathroom later (partly bc I was having a particularly tough time passing that week and was upset that he looked at me weird- if I passed all the time except that once, which sometimes happens, then I'd have waiting in line). I'm in college too, and what works best for me is going to the bathroom when other classes aren't taking a break- so not going at the halfway through class mark. If I go then, there's a line for stalls, but any other time I will only see one other guy max. And like max said, if you're not sure if you're safe to pee, you can always wait for other guys to leave/ make it seem like you're pooping. I know guys will sit to pee if they're pooping too- why change positions?

[Going4Miles]

There are many different types of men and women in the world.  Yes folks, some cis men pee sitting down, even if they don't need to poop.  For that matter, there are some cis women who pee standing up, although I've never known of any who do; but, they exist.  Who cares anyway?  I wouldn't worry about it.  I agree that no one will care what you're doing in the stalls anyway.  They probably won't even notice.  Most people are too focused on themselves and what they're doing to care or notice. 

[Bimmer Guy]

Hi there. 

First, congrats on passing (part time) and for already using the men's restrooms as a pre-T FTM!  That's quite an achievement IMO.  I have not yet experienced the passing issue with public bathrooms since I am not able to pass so I only use the women's restrooms.  I have some suggestions that you might want to consider.  I see your situation as a transgender rights issue.  You need to use the appropriate bathroom that matches your adopted gender, which is male.  Do not worry about the fact you are in the early stages of transition; this should not matter because you identify as trans and are presenting yourself full-time as male.  So, for you own personal safety and peace of mind, e, set up a meeting with an on-campus faculty member to discuss your concerns.  This meeting should be done as soon as possible and in person, face to face.  You want this person to see you.  Tell this person your situation and your concerns for safety and protection in their bathrooms as well as anywhere on campus.  You need to find out the school's attitudes on transgendered students.  The point of the meeting is to, #1, make them aware they have transgendered students, #2 safety and security is a grave concern to trans people due to the fact that crime and discrimination is high in our group.  The school is responsible for the safety and security of ALL students.  Do not allow the counsellor to tell you which bathroom to use; this is YOUR choice.  It is your right to use the bathroom that matches your identity, which is male.  The school needs to accommodate your needs and this includes the bathroom. 

Also, you need to find as much support as you can.  Does this campus have a club or support group that includes trans people?  A GLBT group?  Join it!  Even if you find you are their only trans member, it gets you connected with the community and who knows, maybe you will meet others who are in the same or similar situation as you. 

Good luck to you!

Miles

Well, I think it depends on which state he lives in.  In most areas, it is the ID that matters.  Unless his ID is changed to male, he could get kicked out of the men's room.  However, with that said, I would think that since it is a college, they can do what they want. 

I like your idea of him meeting with the administration.  Maybe they can give him a note he can keep in his wallet saying he is approved for the men's restroom that he can show to security if he has a problem?

Like others said though, M9848, most guys don't look at you.  Walk in, advert your eyes from others and head right into the stall.  Guys do sit down.

[mac1]

So, this past semester at the community college I attend, I got harassed a lot in the women's bathroom. I started to use the men's and everything was fine. This semester my classes are on a different campus and I'm super nervous about the bathroom situation. I don't think I really pass as male yet, but have gotten kicked out of the female's restroom before.  I start T toward the end of Jan and classes start the beginning. I don't know if I should use the female or use the male restroom.  I just don't want to get kicked out of the female's like I did before and I don't want to get harassed in the men's.  I have a stp, but I hate it. Is it common for men to sit to pee?

You should not have any problem using the men's even if you don't pass. I have been in the men's restroom on more than one occasion when a woman has come in and used the stall with no more than a casual comment to the effect that she was in the wrong room. Nothing more than that. As far as sitting to pee - there is no problem with you doing that other than that many men's rooms have only one (or not enough) stalls. I still present as a male and sit all the time in the men's room and nobody takes notice.

[arimoose]

In Sweden there was a big movement to get all men to Pee sitting down, so yeah, standing to Pee isn't the world wide norm. No one in the men's room look or care. The only place to watch yourself is any rest stop off the highway. They are prowling.

Sent from my KFSOWI using Tapatalk

[M9848]

I live in Alabama...so lots of rednecks and bible thumpers. As far as I know, my school doesn't care about trans people....a couple of different administrators have kicked me out of the bathroom.  It just sucks! I just wanna piss in peace!!!

[mm]

M9848, go ahead and use the men's, guys aren't looking at each other in there, only about doing there business and getting out.  My first time on campus was a bit different, I was on my was to a lecture in a building that I didn't go to very often and asked the security person standing near the door as I went in for the restroom and was directed to the men's.  I was about 8 ft from the door when I saw men's on the door but did walk in with all the other guys going in, saw the stalls at the far end and lucky one was vacant.  I needed to pee bad and did, then realized what I had done.  Even thou there were several guys still in there I needed to get to class so opened the door and went over the the sinks and washed and dried my hands and went to my lecture.  I have wonder several times since how I did that first time so calmly. I now use the men's all the time.  On campus I go to a building near the building where I have most of my classes so I don't meet someone who knows my history since I came out on campus.

[Bimmer Guy]

M9848, go ahead and use the men's, guys aren't looking at each other in there, only about doing there business and getting out.  My first time on campus was a bit different, I was on my was to a lecture in a building that I didn't go to very often and asked the security person standing near the door as I went in for the restroom and was directed to the men's.  I was about 8 ft from the door when I saw men's on the door but did walk in with all the other guys going in, saw the stalls at the far end and lucky one was vacant.  I needed to pee bad and did, then realized what I had done.  Even thou there were several guys still in there I needed to get to class so opened the door and went over the the sinks and washed and dried my hands and went to my lecture.  I have wonder several times since how I did that first time so calmly. I now use the men's all the time.  On campus I go to a building near the building where I have most of my classes so I don't meet someone who knows my history since I came out on campus.

I have always lived as a masculine person (all men's clothes, men's haircut, etc), and was read as male much of the time.  A few months before I went on T I decided I wanted to try out the men's room.  SO much better!  No looks, like I would get from women.  I can't believe I suffered for 20 years dealing with the women's room.  It is interesting how after day one of going into a men's room my anxiety was so much lower than it was in the women's room, even though I had only started to use that bathroom.

I'm only a few months in on T, so I don't look much different and I still haven't had any problems.

[Rawb]

Are there any unisex or handicapped bathrooms there? Those are generally for male and female, and what I use at my college because I don't feel comfortable in the mens or the womens.

[M9848]

I don't know at the other campus I will be going to. I guess I need to get there early to scope it out and try to get the instructor to address me as male. I will be so incredibly happy when I can get my name legally changed :-/

[ridleysw]

I recently came out at work (which happens to be at a public University) and started using the men's room.  I was shocked to learn that guys generally use the stalls.  And are sitting.

Not sure where you are located, but your school may already have a map of gender-neutral/"family"/"accessible" restrooms  around campus.  If there is a diversity office or queer group, they would be the first people to ask.  Ours is posted on our website for the public.

[mm]

My school has the gender-neutral/"family"/"accessible" restrooms in all the newer building, but there are none near my main classroom building.  They are a good block away; I do use them when there is one available nearby.  I have gotten use to using the men's and have no problems, in fact I like the that they don't have that little trash bin in the stall, less reminder of needing that every month.

[LoriLorenz]

I was told by one female friend that her guy sits to pee all the time, so it's normal-ish and I would say don't worry much on it. Good luck in any case!

[mac1]

I was told by one female friend that her guy sits to pee all the time, so it's normal-ish and I would say don't worry much on it. Good luck in any case!

I do the same and find it to be much more pleasant and relaxing. At first I was apprehensive about it in public restrooms but now automatically look for a vacant stall.

[makipu]

I don't even know how being kicked out of a womens bathroom feels like. Does it actually get physical?

[Going4Miles]

I live in Alabama...so lots of rednecks and bible thumpers. As far as I know, my school doesn't care about trans people....a couple of different administrators have kicked me out of the bathroom.  It just sucks! I just wanna piss in peace!!!

I would imagine there isn't much tolerance for folks like us in your part of the country.  I'm so sorry for you.  In that case, continue doing what you've been doing, and that is using the men's bathroom stalls.  You might want to invest in some pepper spray or something like that for your own protection.  Also, if anyone gives you any trouble to the point that you do not feel safe or that people are harassing you, do not feel that you can't report them to the school.  Even in the state of Alabama, schools are responsible for the safety, security and the emotional well being of their students.  Trouble makers deserve to be reported. 

Good luck to you!