I come to a realization that this man love me for who I am on the inside and not for my exterior self. Before he left me he seem he was about to cry and he kept repeating, "this will be the last youll ever see of me.... in your whole life..." He mention I should take of pic him before he goes, spent an hour with me, and deep down I think he loved me.... I only knew him since Nov. I know hes gone now....
I feel like we did have a love, but Im carrying this cross likes its a secret. I think only two people really know... and when I left work today my boss called me by his title. I know my boss wife thinks we had something because when she walk into the office she walked out... like to give privacy.
I dont really feel like life is worth living after having a taste of that.... I hated my life till then. Still do.
I cant be a guy in life. I know that no one knows me otherwise..... and whats sadded... I think he love me as a guy (although i know hes not gay.)....
I dont know... i was strong until everywhere i go I think of him. He wants to continue to stay in contact but knowing i love him... i cant. Itll just cause needless pain. I can never replace him......
