Trans-Friendly Communities in the US?

[IAmDariaQuinn]

Just curious to know just where one could go in the US that's fairly trans-friendly.  All I really know is Small Town Ohio and it's not like I'm looking to move right away.  I just know that it may be something I'll eventually have to do if I'm ever to transition or even attempt to live full-time as Daria.  I just don't think I can be safe here forever, and to be fairly honest, I'm not sure how much baggage I'm going to want to carry of my birth identity once I do decide what to do and how I'm going to deal with this. 

I have a son, and I don't want to burden him with this until he's older.  He deals with so much of his own stuff, a neglectful mother, poverty, plus being a teenage outcast a lot like I was when I was his age.  Maybe not the best time to tell him that his dad is trans.  That, and his mom HATES me.  When we were together, she'd constantly use my more feminine sexuality as a weapon against me, angry because she wanted a "real man" in bed, and I'm just not that "take charge and jam it in there" kind of person.  I'm not sure if I'm using the term "bottom" right as it relates to lesbians, but it feels like the right term to use.  I'm a bottom, and I want a girl to take me, so to speak.  But I'm going off target...

The point is, I'm not looking at a real transition anytime soon.  Like, maybe 5 years, at least.  Let my son get out of High School before having to deal with his dad's trans issues, at least.  And a chance to be able to get away from his mother, I guess.  We're not married, or even together.  The thought I was ever with her makes me really, really hate myself.  She never loved me, and I don't think I ever really loved her.  I only stayed with her at all because I didn't want to be alone.  But having a kid together, and her basically refusing to get a job or do anything to help herself at all, relying on me to be her primary source of income... I might as well be chained to her.  And I don't want her to EVER know about this, if I can help it.  Obviously, it would get back to her eventually if I maintained a relationship with my son after transitioning, but by then, I'd hope to be gone far enough away that she'd never really be able to hurt me.

Worse yet, he goes to the same school I graduated from.  SO that complicates matters even more.

I don't know.  Like I said, years off, and things can change.  But it'd be nice to know if there's anywhere to go, places I can learn about, maybe set up contacts... I don't know, something.  Something to dream of, even.  Something that might help give me hope while I try to stick out the next few years for my son's benefit. 

[Tessa James]

From my experience being out and about on the west coast is pretty cool with a live and let live attitude at worst.  Most major metro areas are OK too.  We may always run in to an individual who is a hater but when I traveled in the old deep south it was a different and less comfortable story.  Where it really counts is in our immediate family, work place and social community.  Any of us are capable of reaching out and helping to create that accepting and supportive circle of friends and intentional family members.

I advocate staying in place and helping to change the community we know for the better.  But that is just one opinion eh?

[suzifrommd]

I live in Howard County Maryland. It is a very accepting and supportive place for trans people.

[ImagineKate]

New York City and San Francisco for starters. Most big metro areas in fact.

[cindy16]

I advocate staying in place and helping to change the community we know for the better. 

I'm hoping I can do something like that. If not, maybe I'll just have to emigrate or keep myself shut in the closet.

[Jill F]

So far I haven't been run out of Los Angeles with torches and pitchforks.   

[Jessica_Rainshadow]

I advocate staying in place and helping to change the community we know for the better.  But that is just one opinion eh?

I agree with this to a point, but if your in like North Dakota or something it's really just better that you flee to somewhere at least somewhat more accepting. Really speaking from experience here. It's just not safe or healthy to be trans in MANY parts of middle america.

As for safe, of course any large city will be fine. I visit my friend in Chicago and no one cares at all about me. I get neutral or even positive feedback. Really most people who live in New York, LA, , SF, Chicago are pretty used to seeing things that would be out of the ordinary for most white bread americans. The west coast is going to be ideal I would say. Portland and Seattle are very progessive and somewhat more affordable than California.

[DragonBeer]

New York City and San Francisco for starters. Most big metro areas in fact.

Stay out of Brooklyn though if you consider NYC.

[DrummerGirl]

When I was talking to my therapist yesterday, she mentioned that the top 3 ranked trans-friendly cities in the US are San Francisco, New York, and Orlando.  I forgot which study she was citing though.

[ImagineKate]

Stay out of Brooklyn though if you consider NYC.

In terms of trans friendliness or cost?

I know some parts are pretty bad but some are getting expensive.

[DragonBeer]

In terms of trans friendliness or cost?

I know some parts are pretty bad but some are getting expensive.

Cost: NYC is definitely not the place
Friendliness: Refrain from traveling in Brooklyn and Bronx after dusk.

[ImagineKate]

True to an extent. But I think some parts of Brooklyn are as safe as the better parts of Manhattan.  I went to college in Brooklyn.

[Bran]

I live in Howard County Maryland. It is a very accepting and supportive place for trans people.

I second this.  I grew up in MD (DC suburbs) and spent time in Montgomery, Howard, PG, Frederick counties, and I found all quite accepting.  Takoma Park, MD, as of 10 yrs ago, was a great little suburban hippie enclave. The VA suburbs are pretty good culturally but, well, Virginia.  Washington DC itself is good, though tends to conservative in professional circles

Other good places IMO: Bucks County PA and Hunterdon County NJ (across the river from one another), excellent but pricey, small town suburbs or rural.  Rochester NY is good, mid-size city, though there's less of a non-binary presence. Boston is great, but about as overwhelming as NYC, also with a high cost of living.  Western MA is great for trans women and lesbian-friendly trans guys. I don't have direct experience except as a visitor, but Asheville NC, Ithaca NY and Minneapolis-St Paul seem like they'd be nice. 

But do make sure to cross-reference this list against places there are 1) jobs and/or 2) schools for you!  Many trans-friendly areas have a very high cost of living.

[Jessica_Rainshadow]

I don't have direct experience except as a visitor, but Asheville NC, Ithaca NY and Minneapolis-St Paul seem like they'd be nice. 

I grew up around Minneapolis/St Paul and it is a very progressive medium sized city. It may be a little harder to blend in than it would be in a larger city but it is very safe and friendly. Minnesotans put a lot of emphasis on being friendly...and it doesn't even matter if you're sincere or not really, it's just expected that you at least fake it. This drives some people, especially from the east coast, crazy.

[JoanneB]

Stay out of Brooklyn though if you consider NYC.

I cannot speak to Brooklyn, but my take in general is Yes, IN any big city you'll be mostly OK. Just outside of it or the suburbs it is an entirely different story. I lived just about my entire life in New Jersey within a 5 mile radius of midtown Manhattan. I also spent about 5 years living in rural West Virginia halfway between Washington and Pittsburgh. I had absolutely no issues at all in WV. My wife especially, and to a small extent I also fear for my personal safety and the real likelihood of vandalism or worse to our property here in NJ just 2 miles from the George Washington bridge into NYC. We are really just a small part of the megaopolis of NYC. The real suburbs begins about another 30 miles west of here.

If you can afford the $3000/month rent for a closet in NYC, I say go for it

[Sabine]

I second this.  I grew up in MD (DC suburbs) and spent time in Montgomery, Howard, PG, Frederick counties, and I found all quite accepting.  Takoma Park, MD, as of 10 yrs ago, was a great little suburban hippie enclave. The VA suburbs are pretty good culturally but, well, Virginia.  Washington DC itself is good, though tends to conservative in professional circles.

TBH, Northern Virginia is very accepting. I never had any issues there or in DC. And the state of Virginia allows you to change the marker on your DL with only a letter from your therapist.

I have worked in pretty conservative professional circles in DC and really never had an issue either.

[Alana_Jane]

State wise I've been all over California, across Northern Arizona, and New Mexico, Virginia, Maryland, and Florida.  I got some drunk guy heckling me in downtown Albuquerque.  As for California, I'd say stay out of Kern county, and maybe Lake, they're like the Southern and Northern equivalent of Oklahoma.  As for mid sized towns, I like Flagstaff.  It's a fun town with a bit of counter culture to it, and it seems to be growing too. 

Other than Austin, I'd stay away from Texas.  If you have to live in the South, maybe Huntsville...  although I've not been there yet.  If you don't mind Ohio, there's always Columbus.... 

-Alana

[FTMax]

I will throw my hat in the DC metro area camp. I grew up in southern Maryland, moved to northern Virginia for college and never really left. I work in DC and I've never had any issues whatsoever.

[JoanneB]

TBH, Northern Virginia is very accepting. I never had any issues there or in DC. And the state of Virginia allows you to change the marker on your DL with only a letter from your therapist.

I have worked in pretty conservative professional circles in DC and really never had an issue either.

I'll also toss my wig in for Maryland, especially Montgomery County. They were one of the first counties, (I think 20 years now?) that had a trans protection law in place. MD itself passed on finally last year after many attempts to get it out of Senate committee. It is also pretty easy to change your D/L gender marker. Also, under the ACA State employees GRS is now covered. So us peons will be next.

My support group is right near the eastern edge of Washington county. For the most part even the locals there for the most part are T friendly. On TDOR being out in the main intersection in Hagerstown we've never been hassled by drivers. Many of my group members also go to Whitman Walker. They do a fantastic job for medical, and legal support for trans folks.

[spacerace]

Seattle is really good for trans people. Lots of resources - therapists, doctors, surgeons, groups, other trans people around who have been paving the way for years. Cost of living better than NYC, CA...probably about even with Portland

You can live in a suburb to be cheaper, but then go to the city proper for trans resources/other doctors.