Whose it harder for?

[LatrellHK]

Is it harder for transgender children or adults? I honestly can't tell who has it harder. I don't know which does and I'm having trouble writing this part of my story for it. If anyone could answer I'd love it.

[Cynobyte]

I would think for the kids it would be worse.  Although they have a more passable transformation I believe,  they don't have much say as easily in their life.  As an adult, I chose to do this (as if there was any choice), but as a child, you have to get approval of your parents, drs, lawyers, god?, the neighbors cat, and a flip of the usually double headed coin (to say no) to weather or not they can do it or wait until they are adults. 

But as a middleaged adult it is still complicated too.  Trying to transition after years as the opposite sex, the ties to people who depend on you to be that sex, it's not fun either (because most of us care what our loved ones think).  But at least nobody can tell us adults no! 

This is all my opinion;) 

[Jade_404]

I think the generation in which the child was born into plays a factor as well. 35 years ago when I was a child I would get beaten for touching girly stuff by my Dad, brothers , uncles etc... Kids in school would of never accepted it and anyone who suspected I was different just thought I was gay or something. It was not possible for me to transition or even be open about it back then for fear for my life. There is a lot more awareness now and I hope that it makes things easier for Trans* kids than it was in the past. That being said, I agree with Cynobyte, kids have it a bit worse but I think it is getting better each generation. They are not in control of themselves or their body so they have to depend on their parents / guardians for understanding. Also other kids can be very cruel to people they do not understand.

As an adult there is years of hormonal effects that have to be reversed, very tricky. There are others that may depend on you, others that may be very effected by your changes even if you are changing for yourself. As an adult there is years of programming our brains to fit in with our birth gender that needs reprogramming. I also believe it probably costs a lot more money to fix the body later in life. Trans* kids have the advantage of stopping hormonal changes before major body changes and for that I see them as having it easier than the adults that transition. That is if they have understanding parents.

I would say that in the past Kids would of had it tougher but that is changing and I think now it is tougher as an adult to transition.

-Jade

[Cynobyte]

Good job jade;)  you are right about the kids being mean, especially back then.  I was a skinny runt and scared of my shadow.  20 years later and tons of testosterone (and military) I'm only scared I won't make my transition goal I set myself and of my wife   hahaha

[Jill F]

I find it hard to answer that question because there is no simple answer.  Some adults suffer worse than others, as do children.  Some countries are far more tolerant than others, as are families.   It warms my heart when I hear about kids now that figure it out at an early age and have parents that are 100% supportive, but that doesn't always happen.  Some kids get sent to reparative "therapy" instead. 

Some adults, such as myself, had a very easy and painless transition.  I lost nothing and gained everything.  Others lose everything and gain almost nothing.  Had I transitioned as a kid in the '70s or '80s though, who knows how much harder it would have been on me and what my current living situation would be like now, if I'd even still be here. 

I suffered untreated GD for far too long, but because I did, I am now able to transition without hardship.

[mrs izzy]

I think each has there advantages and disadvantages.

For me there is so much i have missed not having the younger experiences.

Younger has the abilities to enjoy a lot more of there gender experiences but i think its harder getting parental acceptance and qualified help in therapy.

Both hold pain, anxiety, depression and fears.

[NathanielM]

I don't think you can say it's harder for kids or it's harder for adults. Suffering isn't measurable firstly and secondly transitioning as a child is so much different then transitioning as an adult.

If you're very young I think it's hard because you have less control over your life, you're dependent on family. Also you're still growing, developing... you might be in puberty which is hard anyway, but will probably be harder being trans. But if you get help you'll spend more of your life being yourself, you can fight puberty, you can spend your later life focussing on other things...

As a young-adult, beacsue I think there's still a difference with adult, you have more control over your life but you're also in the middle of doing big things like finding a job, studying in college... That might make it hard or put your life on hold for a while.

As an adult you're likely to have a relationship, a job, children... those things will probably make your transition complicated. However you might have a steady income, savings, a house... which might help you transition easier.

So I think every period of transitioning will have their own advantages and disadvantages.

[Ms Grace]

I've pondered how things might have panned out for me had I been on HRT since puberty kicked in. It's nice to think things would have worked out beautifully but I find it hard to believe. So I don't bother pondering the unponderable.

[Cindy]

Thoughtful post.

I think it depends on the country and society you live in. Australia has a pretty easy route for children as long as the parents are supportive. As for adults the place is generally so accepting that it is only our own fears that hold us back, that and of course family issues.

But I agree having a secure job, house etc makes life quite easy as an adult, but young people do it tough whether they are cis or trans in todays job market.

Society has and is changing, without sounding like a Monty Python sketch, when I was young being trans* was very tough, no support and no understanding. Now? There is hope and expectation that a trans*child can have a very normal happy successful life with no one knowing their past and not caring if they do.

[androgynouspainter26]

It's way better for the kids-they're guaranteed passing privilege, which matters more than anything else when we talk about how hard or easy it is to be trans.

[Jill F]

It's way better for the kids-they're guaranteed passing privilege, which matters more than anything else when we talk about how hard or easy it is to be trans.

I have to disagree.  It would be nice to have done what I did before T did its damage to me, but not all kids live in an environment where transitioning, let alone coming out puts them in a better situation.

What matters more than anything else is your well being. 

[androgynouspainter26]

If they're not in a good environment though, they do what the rest of us were forced to do-they wait.  I was forced to wait, and I paid dearly for that.  It's a lot harder for a time, sure, but if they can get on HRT at that age, they have a good chance at being welcome in mainstream society, something people who start later usually don't.  If I had started hormones at a younger age, my quality of life would me a thowsand times better than what it is today; the opportunity to blend in is something I would literally kill for right now.  If I had started at a younger age, that might have been a possibility for me.  People who don't pass aren't welcome or wanted anywhere, at least not where I live.

[LatrellHK]

Well thanks for the answers, I was just curious.
Also, to the androgynouspainter26, I feel your pain as I'm impatiently forced to wait because I have no money to do anything and my family decided to move to some barren boondocks area where the nearest hormone person is almost two hours away and I have no car or license. I'm forced to wait mostly because of location of costs.

[ImagineKate]

Children's biggest problem is that they have no real control over their own destiny and are often at the mercy of transphobic, sometimes abusive parents and sometimes their peers. But if they get supportive parents and start early enough they will do much better than most adults. Passability will not be an issue and they can live life fully in stealth. There is also the issue that they may just not know and they grow up and maybe reach 40 or 50 and realize what they were all along. There are also few to no reproductive options (mostly for MtFs I think) if one starts early.

Adults biggest problem is that we are damaged by T or E already and there's only so much surgery and hormones can do, and it really can't do anything about skeletal structure. Some of us lucked out in that our bones and body shape were trending female or male so that hormones and surgery can "fix" us but for others it can be a real problem. We also have committed relationships, marriages, children and established lives in the mix. But on the other hand we have reproductive options and some of us already have biological children. 

So, 60/40, with adults having it slightly harder, but maybe I'm a bit biased because I'm one.

[JoanneB]

It is always hard for everyone at every age.

[Stevie]

 I think the hardest thing is self acceptance and that is something that is better too happen sooner. Decades of not being yourself takes a heavy emotional toll.

[warmbody28]

As a child I had it pretty hard from everyone including family until my doctor talked to my parents. As an adult im on top of the world. But I think this varies from person to oerson

[Cynobyte]

Well thanks for the answers, I was just curious.
Also, to the androgynouspainter26, I feel your pain as I'm impatiently forced to wait because I have no money to do anything and my family decided to move to some barren boondocks area where the nearest hormone person is almost two hours away and I have no car or license. I'm forced to wait mostly because of location of costs.

So if you cant transition now, then start preparing for it by getting an education that will secure income after you transition.   Learn to drive, learn the ins and outs of transitioning so you are ready when the time comes.  It may be hard for you now not transitioning,  but it may be harder if you transition and don't have these skills already.  these ladies in here can teach you alot you should know before you even start;)  use this time well so you can be an inspiration to others in the future, to follow your path when you succeed. .

[cindy16]

So if you cant transition now, then start preparing for it by getting an education that will secure income after you transition.   Learn to drive, learn the ins and outs of transitioning so you are ready when the time comes.  It may be hard for you now not transitioning,  but it may be harder if you transition and don't have these skills already.  these ladies in here can teach you alot you should know before you even start;)  use this time well so you can be an inspiration to others in the future, to follow your path when you succeed. .

I agree with this. Even though I have only understood my dysphoria and started to know about transitioning as an adult, I know it would have been far more difficult to do the same as a child. Being dependent on parents is just one part of it. What also matters is where you live, what kind of school do you go to, how do people around you react to you. Even if parents are supportive but these other factors are not, it can be hell.
As an independent adult, it is probably easier to change your surroundings through a wider range of choices. Having the right skills and knowhow at that time is important. But it probably gets difficult again as one gets older and more committed to a career, family, children etc.

[ImagineKate]

Here's something else to consider. (possible TRIGGER WARNING)

A lot of child transgender who cannot transition in childhood because of parents or other reasons (in my case it was because of parents and local culture/laws) end up transitioning as adults.

In fact we can probably say that a lot of us were probably trans children at one time because we "knew" something was up when we were young.

But some trans kids end up committing suicide. The reasons aren't totally clear but it seems to be from lack of parental acceptance, to extreme cases where abuse and conversion therapy play into the mix. But some just aren't happy and they probably figure death is better than gender dysphoria. But those of us that survive and end up as trans adults and do transition end up leaving off somewhat where we left off. However due to T or E poisoning we end up sometimes not totally satisfied with our transitions. 

So it seems a wash either way.

Just my 2¢.