question of the mind

[Releca]

I know that on hrt you go through physical changes and I would believe in some me talk ones as well like being a bit less agressive and more emotional but outside the direct changes that are posted everywhere how does transitioning make you feel and in what ways.

Its a very indirect question so let me elaborate a bit more outside of the physical and documentable effects that you feel are how does it effect the person outside of the normal nature aspect and more towards your inner self that is more of the you that reacts and controls you in this world.

If you need me to try to explain it more I can try but its the part of yourself that can't be described very well outside of possibly calling it a psychi.

I'm interested in your thoughts

[stephaniec]

I'm so much more at peace with my true self. The estrogen is my bridge to my denied  self.  There's moments that are so unbelievable  of envisioning who I've truly been since birth. Estrogen has given me a mental picture of myself I've so struggled to see.

[Raelynn]

LOL!  I JUST posted about this on another thread.  It is a roller coaster deluxe!  I cry, I smile, I laugh, I become a hermit, I am out going, I am _______!  Most of all, I am happy.  Like Stephanie said, I, too, am at more peace with myself than I ever have been.  I am a new me.  I have always been a laid back person, but it seems that I am becoming more laid back.  I think it is more confidence than anything too.  I feel better about myself and with that, I am projecting myself in a better light.  I have honestly been getting out more and doing things around the house more.  That was something that I had been lacking in my life for years now.  I am borderline agoraphobic and I am getting over that and I am THRILLED about the idea of getting out of the house and doing things.  I have done things recently like, cry over my dad (lost him 2 years ago, almost 3).  I had not yet done that and it was the most magnificent release of sadness that I have ever had.  I felt so much better and I feel that now I can get on with my life.  I have cleaned out 'friends' on my facebook page and not felt any guilt. They were mainly people that I really didn't know or lurkers, so no big loss.  I have been cleaning house better/more.  I have had friends over (big step for me) and a lot more (huge) little steps.

Now physically.  WHOA!  Me personally... I have noticed BIG changes already in 2 months.  I am not a small girl at all and I have always had moobs, but now they are taking a more rounded shape, larger areolas, SENSITIVITY, fat dropping from under my chest to lower around my belly, wider hips, shrinking little guys, hair is about the same- maybe a little less and growing pains.  My breasts have ached enough that I wrote my Dr an email and she said it was normal due to the development of breast tissue and glands.  My mother and grand mothers all were large chested women and that is a plus for me from what I have read about genetics.  Right now I am a solid 48c with no padding.  When I started, I was a 48-50c but I had to use cutlets or padding to achieve cleavage, now it is natural.  The reason that I mention the physical part of my journey is that it is a MAJOR part of becoming the true me...  I look in the mirror now and see Raelynn, whereas before I only saw her when I dressed up.  That right they are my happiness and main feel-good moments.  It makes other little things seem so small now.  My frustration level is so far down there that I actually have been more 'me' then ever.

[Rachel]

The calm is amazing. It is like turning off a television the is very loud and has a lot of static. There is quiet. I was always hyper vigilant. It was like something was always going to happen. I was always on edge. I commented to my therapist, is the quiet the way cis people feel? She said we will never know because we do not know how they feel to compare.

Emotions, now I cry and after I cry I feel better. I am starting to get the whole crying thing. I go from this is too much and I can not cope to crying to really crying hard to feeling better. When I am crying all the thoughts that I was holding back come flooding in. I feel how they affect me and get out all the emotions around the issue.  Then I can think about the issue and make a decision. I really think crying helps me to move forward and address issues.