Getting sir'ed an AWFUL lot lately

[Brenda E]

Tonight is one of these nights:

I've had plenty of "Super Big Gulp size pina colada" nights - part and parcel of transition for many of us to get us through those truly terrible moments when it all seems utterly hopeless.  Enjoy the booze, relax, drink plenty of water before bed, and wake up tomorrow ready to hit the ground running.  Sadly, there's no way to make this a quick process.  Keep plugging away - you'll get to where you need to be in the end.

Pour one for me while you're at it.

[Cure Bunny]

I wanted to add to the hugs and support. You are at the start of your journey and you will soften and be shiny.

Keep flying.
You are strong


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Clarissa]

I get "Sired" sometimes and it sucks. I work in customer service at Wholefoods and I know. Sometimes I think it's my voice, other times I think it's because the guests there knew who I was "before". Hang in there! It will get better as you progress further in your transition.

[jody2015]

oh how i do sympathize with you i know its a pain. im the same im just starting out and i need time.im hoping to add estrogen to my hrt(dont ask its a long story) ive been waiting for my hair to grow ect. i still have to present as sort of male at times.stick with it time will help. i decided not to rush to try to avoid the want it now feeling. i will put my photo on my profile soon ive got over the fear of not looking as i want but i remind myself im at the start. personally id rather wait and let my body do some of the work when i get on full hrt then i can see how i want to be. being sir`d is annoying but i do now get it with a tinge of their not sure. remember rome wasnt built in a day  it took a few years to get planning permission lol

[ImagineKate]

Oh I DO get the "I'm not really sure" stuff a lot. When I open my mouth though, BAM the Sir bomb gets dropped.

[katrinaw]

Hi Kate...

I think Devlyn hit it right on it... Your picture shows disappointment etc... A lot of your pics show a very different gal... Radiant and happy  let your inner self shine through...
I must admit when anyone, especially me, has a stern or miserable face your whole image changes, makes you look stern or grimacey and therefore more masculine.

April also had a good point with hair (Wish I had some more than I have  )

Joanne (Feliz) hope Rekog rates me at 43 would be so happy with that ongoing 

Hugs to you honey... Pick yourself up, be strong ( fine coming from me Eh???) and be yourself...

Ooh by the way takes years of practice with makeup, it'll just click... Don't over do it is the only tip I have...

xoxoxoxo love Katy 

[Evelyn K]

(waves)

Hi all. Long time no see. 

Katrina makes a good point. A stern face is a more masculine face! Grin's lift and it's a feminine trait.

Check this out 

[ImagineKate]

(waves)

Hi all. Long time no see. 

Katrina makes a good point. A stern face is a more masculine face! Grin's lift and it's a feminine trait.

Check this out 

Lol thanks I needed that.

[Evelyn K]

You'll like this one too. 

BTW I highly recommend her channel below. Oh and if it's any consolation, she has brow bossing as well and is CIS.

[ImagineKate]

I notice a lot of girls have brow bossing. My mom has more than I do believe it or not.

[Sydney_NYC]

Hugs to you girl. I have to agree with others on it being the shadow. After a few laser sessions (3-4), it will make a big huge difference.

[ImagineKate]

The facial hair is a major thing, and it's going much slower than I'd like. I try to cover it with makeup but every time I try to do makeup it just doesn't look right. I did promise myself to go get it done professionally and learn but in this house I barely get to sit down and if I stay idle for a few minutes or more my wife starts to find stuff for me to do. If I go places she will start to complain about how she doesn't get to do anything.

Electrolysis zaps it but it just grows back. I got laser last week but it didn't seem to do anything other than have my face get a slight burning when I bristle the hairs. I am hoping it decides to just give up and fall out but I'm not holding my breath. I stopped Vaniqa a while back because I wanted it to be killed off by electro and laser. Vaniqa was really thinning it out but now it seems to have come back with a vengeance.

Sometimes I feel like I'm at the end of my rope... I know lots of girls have it worse but I have been bottled for over 30 years and I am just wanting to get this done and over with and live.

I got misgendered by my doctor's office, sir, him, his. The girl that did that was from Trinidad (I could tell from her accent). I had to remind them that I'm a trans patient. Well that one I had to grow out my facial hair for electrolysis which I was supposed to have the next day. So I kinda was expecting it. But it still knocks you down.

Almost misgendered by my therapist on Friday, she called me by my male name... she caught herself.

The last straw was yesterday really. I went to the supermarket, I figure everything going fine. I even use the ladies no problem with other ladies in it. They didn't really tell me anything.

Then the cashier, I go up to her, she scans my frequent shopper card on my phone. She asks if I found everything I wanted.

I said, "no I didn't, I wanted butternut squash." I kinda tried the voice a bit high but it came out male. Then I clicked in my mind, "oh crap, I'm gonna get clocked now."

Then she picks up the phone and said, "hey I have a customer here and HE wants butternut squash."

Well then I was like a deer in the headlights. I looked for my coupons for bottled water (the 5 gallon return tickets), could not find it. I was frantically searching my pockets.

Then she looked at me and said, "SIR are you OK?" And I just froze. I couldn't believe it. Totally clocked and misgendered. I wanted to curl up and die. I checked out my groceries and left, went home and cried and then wrote this post. I was going so well, HOW was this happening? Then I looked at my face and realized, yeah I have a big ugly beard shadow, and the voice must have clicked in her head that this is a man she's talking to.

I just felt totally disgusting... didn't feel like a woman. I felt like I was pretending. So I drove home. Then I broke out the alcohol and figured I'd drink my worries away that night. Fell asleep on the sofa, woke up with a massive headache. Rough night.

[April_TO]

Kate, I hate to be candid my love but you have to schedule your make over ASAP unless you want this scenario to happen again.
It will only be an hour of make over at Sephora - I know coz I work for them part time.

I honestly learned make -up on my own. Watching youtube videos and asking my female friends. Stay with a simple routine - mine is moisturize, primer, foundation, conceal, set with powder, blush, brows and lip balm. Humility aside, I think I pass for the most part

Do it soon!!! Love yah!!!!

April

The facial hair is a major thing, and it's going much slower than I'd like. I try to cover it with makeup but every time I try to do makeup it just doesn't look right. I did promise myself to go get it done professionally and learn but in this house I barely get to sit down and if I stay idle for a few minutes or more my wife starts to find stuff for me to do. If I go places she will start to complain about how she doesn't get to do anything.

Electrolysis zaps it but it just grows back. I got laser last week but it didn't seem to do anything other than have my face get a slight burning when I bristle the hairs. I am hoping it decides to just give up and fall out but I'm not holding my breath. I stopped Vaniqa a while back because I wanted it to be killed off by electro and laser. Vaniqa was really thinning it out but now it seems to have come back with a vengeance.

Sometimes I feel like I'm at the end of my rope... I know lots of girls have it worse but I have been bottled for over 30 years and I am just wanting to get this done and over with and live.

I got misgendered by my doctor's office, sir, him, his. The girl that did that was from Trinidad (I could tell from her accent). I had to remind them that I'm a trans patient. Well that one I had to grow out my facial hair for electrolysis which I was supposed to have the next day. So I kinda was expecting it. But it still knocks you down.

Almost misgendered by my therapist on Friday, she called me by my male name... she caught herself.

The last straw was yesterday really. I went to the supermarket, I figure everything going fine. I even use the ladies no problem with other ladies in it. They didn't really tell me anything.

Then the cashier, I go up to her, she scans my frequent shopper card on my phone. She asks if I found everything I wanted.

I said, "no I didn't, I wanted butternut squash." I kinda tried the voice a bit high but it came out male. Then I clicked in my mind, "oh crap, I'm gonna get clocked now."

Then she picks up the phone and said, "hey I have a customer here and HE wants butternut squash."

Well then I was like a deer in the headlights. I looked for my coupons for bottled water (the 5 gallon return tickets), could not find it. I was frantically searching my pockets.

Then she looked at me and said, "SIR are you OK?" And I just froze. I couldn't believe it. Totally clocked and misgendered. I wanted to curl up and die. I checked out my groceries and left, went home and cried and then wrote this post. I was going so well, HOW was this happening? Then I looked at my face and realized, yeah I have a big ugly beard shadow, and the voice must have clicked in her head that this is a man she's talking to.

I just felt totally disgusting... didn't feel like a woman. I felt like I was pretending. So I drove home. Then I broke out the alcohol and figured I'd drink my worries away that night. Fell asleep on the sofa, woke up with a massive headache. Rough night.

[ImagineKate]

Kate, I hate to be candid my love but you have to schedule your make over ASAP unless you want this scenario to happen again.
It will only be an hour of make over at Sephora - I know coz I work for them part time.

I honestly learned make -up on my own. Watching youtube videos and asking my female friends. Stay with a simple routine - mine is moisturize, primer, foundation, conceal, set with powder, blush, brows and lip balm. Humility aside, I think I pass for the most part

Do it soon!!! Love yah!!!!

April

Oh I totally agree with you.

And yes you absolutely look gorgeous.

[katrinaw]

Kate, try and pick yourself up honey, press on and don't look back, it is hard, 30 years is a long time...
I guess facial hair / shadow whilst having Electro and / or Laser is, I believe a pre-req and outcome for a few days...
For me I won't go FT until I have lost the worst of it and lose / reduce all the other masculine "picking" features.

Whilst we try and make our way to true femininity we have to learn to endure and not let it get into our emotions... In any case there is a lot worse things and bigotry comments that could come out....

BTW FWIW my years in waiting are over a score and a half more  but there are many reasons...

So head up be strong and plan on, don't let the setbacks get to you, one day you'll look back and say 'wow I came through all of that' you'll be a stronger woman 

Hugs Katy

[Alana_Jane]

Kate,

Hang in there, some times this journey's lows seem so low.  I know it really hurts.  This world is much better with you in it, so don't go thinking about leaving it prematurely.  I'm sending you trans-continental hugs.

-Alana

[CosmicJoke]

I feel like the awkward in between phase is always the hardest, because you're just beginning to shed away the male cacoon, but are not fully the butterfly yet.
That would be hard for anyone. The more you keep working on becoming the butterfly, it will definitely become easier.

[Obfuskatie]

One thing I learned a while ago from a YouTube vlogger, princessjoules, is that you can use a tinted foundation in the orange spectrum to mask the shadow of densely packed facial hair.  Because orange is the color opposite of dark pigmented hair within fair skin which has a blue hue.  The complementary color scale varies based on the hue of your skin with pigmented hair beneath it, and will be different for people with darker skin and lighter hair than my mousy brown.


  There are going to be times that you are outed / clocked.  If you roll your eyes and let it pass, or even just raise a quizzical eyebrow, people won't make as big of a deal about it.  Even if you want to crawl into a hole and die, those around you will react to your reaction.  Act calm and collected, and people who aren't jerks will let it go and attempt to not annoy you.  They may even apologize sincerely afterward, and if you want to be particularly unforgiving you can huffily respond with "It's Ms. ->-bleeped-<-, thank you," before flouncing off.

  I've been there though.  Last time I had my teeth cleaned in preparation for my FFS, at new dental office, and after cleaning my teeth my hygienist didn't know which pronoun to use for me.  There hadn't been an issue when we talked back and forth (you is genderless), only when she was referring to me to her colleague to ensure I had arranged my insurance and payment.
  She apologized, but I was too busy panicking to realize I could end her confusion by telling her I was female.  She was super nice, and probably would've been accepting and supportive if I had told her I was transgender, but I was busy freaking out and leaving as soon as I could.  I had been presenting full-time for a few months but that hadn't cured my social anxiety issues.

  Last week I was hungry enough to drive through The Hat for a grilled cheese sandwich and Diet Coke.  When I pulled up to the window, the guy called me sir.  I rolled my eyes so hard my fake smile bordered on bitchy.  After making sure the total and my order were correct, I paid, received my food.  I promptly parked nearby, enjoyed my food, and then let myself obsess about being mis-gendered.
  It was most likely a confluence of my new pixie cut, my sloppy voice, and forgetting where I left my favorite earrings the previous day.  Or, the drive thru acoustics were so bad it's hard to discern either way, and he was barely paying attention because of how busy they were inside.  Flip a coin.

  Getting mis-gendered sucks, but it's exhausting to live in fear of it.  You know who you are better than anyone else.  Only you can be you, and you should never be ashamed of being yourself.  You are beautiful.
A wise person once said:
  "And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
   Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
   I shake it off.  I shake it off."

     Hugs,
- Katie

[Cindy]

I sometimes think the first step in transition is to buy shares in tissue manufacturers. We shed so many tears we may as well be paid for them!

I do remember my first bra when I was still in male mode at Target. The checkout girl announced, there is a man at aisle 7 buying a bra but there is no price code.

So many different ways that could have been said.

I wore it with pride.

My armour started. With each insult my armour grew as did my conviction and courage. I'm me, no one has the right to doubt me. No one has the right to insult me. You will see nothing but scorn on my face. I will make you wither.

And I did. I could look at a person who had insulted me and watch them crumble.

Now that my transition is over I look back and laugh. My armour? Thrown out with his other junk

You will as well young lady

[Ms Grace]

I do remember my first bra when I was still in male mode at Target. The checkout girl announced, there is a man at aisle 7 buying a bra but there is no price code.

...wow. She couldn't have made that more embarrassing if she had tried.

Kate, during my first attempt at transition I passed with no problem every single time I wore a dress or skirt. But never when I wore pants/jeans. It didn't sink in for many many years that even though women dress in andro mode and in jeans etc, their clothing and presentation still usually has some defining female features - style and cut, neckline, accessories, hair, make up, shoes, etc. I have no idea how that applies to you of course, but for every feminine characteristic you subtract from your andro look the more people start to look at any vestigial male characteristics (eg beard shadow). Anyway, that's just a thought. I was pretty devastated all those years ago that it seemed I'd never be able to wear jeans, I just wanted to be a casual chick so badly. When I approached transition this time I honestly thought it would be a no pants zone forever. That turned out not to be the case fortunately but I still really feel I need to weight that look with feminine extras...not a lot, but enough to do the trick.