Thought I would share with you how I came out to my wife. It wasn't planned or anything it just happened.
Anyway, I have been with my wife for some time. 7 years we have been together. We really love each other. She had no idea that I had some sort of 'transgender disorder'. She would occasionally indulge me by allowing me to 'dress up' but only in bed and only for sexual gratification etc...
When we lived in Holland I would take her to visit fetish clubs where there would often be crossdressers and transexuals along with all the other kinksters etc...
So generally speaking she is a broadminded girl and knows that I like to crossdress.
Anyway, we were away on a lovely vacation to Tasmania(is a beautiful island in the middle of nowhere). We were sitting in a restaurant in Hobart(on my 39th birthday), it was a new restaurant and the service was slow and the food uninspiring. We were drinking wine and for some reason my emotions just got too much for me.
You know when you are going to start crying because you can feel your eyes about to burst and this sandy feeling in your head, and a horrible catching sensation in your throat as you are fighting to get control of your emotions. It was just too much for me. I broke down and started crying in the middle of the restaurant. How pathetic.
Earlier, my gender disphoria had reached such a high pitch that it was searing my brain with the same words. Running through my head constantly that I am a woman, images of regret that I hadn't done changes earlier, that my name is joanne and I am trapped in this body and need to change. To be myself etc...
God it was so hard. And so sad because it was our special holiday together and I was ruining it.
She was obviously concerned and could see that I was physically and mentally defeated by something serious. So basically I recounted to her disclosing all these thoughts that have plagued me for so long, weighting me down, an intolerable burden for as long as I can remember. I was so relieved to have shared with my wife my burden just for a moments relief.
She couldn't believe what she was hearing of course and had no idea I suffer like I do. That's because normally I try to present a sunny disposition and try to be as happy as I can. Though these last years I get angry and resentful at stupid things like the news, current affairs, etc...
I told her that I felt like a woman and am trapped in this body, that my name is Joanne(is a name that my dad teased me with as a kid - im sure my parents new I was transgender when I was a child and used this teasing as a way on manning me up etc...). That I have had these feeling all my life and that this burden had just reached a point I cant deal with it anymore.
She was very supportive and of course wants to see me better and happy. She thinks it is something that can be managed and has suggested that I buy a wig and be Joanne around the house etc...I told her that i am not sure if that could work and asked her if she would leave me if I changed my gender. She said no, but you know, you cant be sure if she means that. She loves me it is true and I dont think she would leave me.
Anyway she said she would stick by me no matter what.
I feel so happy about that i cant tell you how much because she is the woman i married and love and I couldn't bear it to ruin that. We dont talk about this issue every day as i don't want it to be the only thing we talk about. I dont want it to define our present relationship.
The next few months will be strange, I am yet to tell her I am seeing a psychiatrist for HRT. She knows I see already a psychologist and she tries to support me too with her practical suggestions. She says you need to decide what you want to be. If you want to be a woman be a woman. I just hope if I start HRT and the possible impacts on my body it doesn't wreck our love life.
