My experience might not be your own, but I am rather astonished as to what has happened to my personality while going through transition. I don't know if I would have called myself shy as a male, but certainly socially awkward. I grew up with a slight speech impediment, and although I had largely overcome it in my adult years, I was never completely comfortable in situations which involved making small talk. So I basically played the role of a quiet guy, and tried to convince people I was really smart, but always in deep thought. Yet there were occasional flashes of another person underneath who liked more attention, and would seek it out at various times. I sometimes would sit in business meeting for hours dead silent, and then suddenly pipe up with something that would change the whole course of discussion. I would come up with really unforgettable phrases that caught people's attention. But in a room of people all making small talk, I would disappear.
So I then go on HRT and start presenting as female, and then I get the urge to go alternative lifestyle clubs where I can feel safe, and something happened that I am still trying to figure out. I became a club diva, really. I took up dancing seriously for the first time in my life, and I actually got sort of good at it. I just danced like nobody is watching, but then I realize everybody was. I was aware that people were paying attention to me, but I wasn't concerned if they thought badly. I just lived in the moment and had tremendous fun. People would come up to me and mention how my smile seemed so friendly, and how I looked like I was enjoying myself more than anybody in the place. They would ask about my story, and I couldn't wait to tell them. After a while, I started engaging people first. I would see them looking at me while I was dancing and just go over to them and strike up a conversation. Then I learned that people had heard about me at other clubs and had come to see me dance, talk to them, and have their pictures taken with me. I had become rather famous in the local club world, for what little that was worth. As I said, I am baffled by all of this. I tend to think that underneath I was always an extrovert, but in trying to live as a guy, I had chained up most of my personality. You might be surprised what will happen in a new situation, if you give it a chance.
With a friend at BS West in downtown Scottsdale
