How long can an MtF reasonably keep passing as a male?

[Obfuskatie]

I know no one will believe me, but I can still pass 100% as male if I need to. I'd rather not, of course, but I can. It's usually the day or two after electro, I feel so ugh about my face that it's more stressful trying to pass as female than it is spending an hour in dude mode. Last time I did get a few odd looks but no one doubted I wasn't "male".

Increasingly it is a weird experience, the sooner I never ever have to do it again the better.

A) You're beautiful.
B) I judged this solely based on your face and smile in your avatar pic.

We react slowest to changes in our appearance, and have a level of scrutiny that tends to be unsurpassed by any of those around us.  However that magnifying lens blinds us to the big picture, and we often aren't really looking at our reflection anymore.

I kept a set of nice clothes to have a guy-costume on standby for weddings and funerals of my extended family.  I don't want to get into it with them, and would rather let those days be about the people they're meant for.  Not their eccentric cousin.  (Those who are well-to-do aren't crazy)


     Hugs,
- Katie
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[Jill F]

So did that happen at home or in the middle of the street...? 

It was on the subway... 

No, actually I was getting groceries one day at the usual store.   I showered, washed all of the makeup off my face and put on a slim fitting shirt and a nice pair of jeans.  I probably looked OK, but I felt like crap.  I drove to the store, saw myself in the mirror and wanted to cry/barf.  As I walked in to the store, I looked down and saw the beginnings of my nascent mammary protuberances standing at attention.  It became clear to me at that moment that I could never wear that shirt again.  I cried a bit on my way home and after putting the groceries away, I changed into a black maxi-dress and beat myself with the pretty stick.  Instead of making the dinner that I had planned, we went out to a rock star magnet Mexican restaurant in Hollywood across the street from Guitar Center.   

I never did end up wearing guy clothes again.  I figured I'd probably have to at some point, but after a week and a half in uninterrupted girl mode, I decided that I needed to fully transition and come out to the world. 

And then, my first wardrobe purge... 

[Cindy]

I gave away every single piece of male clothing the weekend before I went to work FT on the Monday - I made sure that I had not only burned but obliterated every bridge.

[Ms Grace]

Actually, just another angle to that - when I do present as male I am quite a reserved and withdrawn. I am 6'3" of scary - as opposed to when I am in girl mode... happier, cheerful and 6'3" of gorgeous!

...after a week and a half in uninterrupted girl mode, I decided that I needed to fully transition and come out to the world.

For me it was that I really hated having to shift gender gears - I was going to work as a guy, and increasingly going out in the evening as a gal - it was really doing my mind in with all the changing back and forth. Ugh, so glad those days are behind me.

A) You're beautiful.
B) I judged this solely based on your face and smile in your avatar pic.

Well, thank you, ma'am! 

[KittyKat]

I find that if I don't overly dress feminine I will get gendered male in public do to the circumstances I'm in when I do go out pretty much 95% of the time. My hair's at that point where its starting to be just a bit longer then a pixie but its still short. The major thing though is I'm always out with my wife and my son and when people see 2 adults equally attending to and coddling a toddler they want to place one as the mom and one as the dad. If I have a day where I want to just put on jeans and a shirt because we're going to the supermarket for an hour and then home the rest of the day, I'm gonna get seen as male or dad. When I do go out by myself on rare occasions its usually female nowadays or genderless.

[luna nyan]

3 years and counting, then again I'm on lower HRT dosage.
Only one male fail incident, and strangely enough that was when I was wearing a suit.

[Lady_Oracle]

I can't pass as male even if I wanted to. Back when I was getting the male fails, I was technically full time I just didn't have a female wardrobe yet.

[Sammy]

Given that I have spent most of my life living and socialising as a guy, I pretty much know the rules and ropes... So, I can pass as male - lets say, I had to wear my L size suit for official job purposes and people did not roll their eyes when they saw me - maybe a couple of extra checking stares from police security personnel, but as long as my picture in ID matches my face, there are no questions. I do get some sideglances in male restrooms, but I usually walk in with confidence, shoulders wide and posture straight (and if questioned, I can drop my voice down really low) - anyway, there are far less consequences for being considered female in male restroom than vice versa.

As for daily routines, I have little clues for how other people see me and language is very much gender neutral (I can speak about myself in gender neutral language, avoiding gendered constructions and forms) and we very rarely use the equivalent of "Sir" or "Miss" here. But I have realised that there are situations when no matter what I wear or what I think about my looks, people would gender me female nevertheless.
Technically, I am not full-time, although I do not wear distinctive male clothes (with some exceptions when for work reasons I simply must put on power suit in order to to speak to government), at the same time, when I wear more female-leaning outfits, people do not give extra stares or bat their eyes - on the contrary, I am catching much more stares when wearing flat, baggy male winter attire...

[pollypagan]

Twenty months today on hrt and if I don't make an effort I am always, and I mean always read as male. If my face is scrubbed clean, no jewellery etc but I have made my hair as feminine as I can, and wearing woman's trousers and top I still get read 100% as male. Disappointing? That does not begin to describe it; and that is before using my hideous voice.

[AnonyMs]

I went FT after 2 months. I didn't worry about 'male-fail' or passing. I just had to be me.

Nowadays almost 3 years in I pass all the time. Or if I don't no one has ever referred to me as a guy!

I'm quite sure they'd never do it again if they did.

[pollypagan]

So did that happen at home or in the middle of the street...? 

[Jenna Marie]

3 months before people at work began to suspect something, and my boss took me aside and I ended up coming out to her. Six months before "absolute male fail," where I was in mostly male clothes with a baseball cap and still could not get a stranger to believe my male ID was actually me.  I'd guess somewhere in between there was the point at which I could not *reliably* pass for male. (Though the real deadline was how long I could keep it going at work; I'd been planning and hoping to come out about three months longer, but oh well.)

[Leila]

I am 16 months on HRT and seemingly still passing at work. Everyone at the office that I work with see me as male. There have been a few confused stares from people at work outside of my normal circle of co-workers. No one has said anything to me about my change of appearance.

At work http://s36.photobucket.com/user/iam_leila/library/image_1 Password is letmein

Outside of work has been a differing experience and so long as I keep my mouth shut or don't reveal my assigned at birth name, I am presumed female.

[Sammy]

I am 16 months on HRT and seemingly still passing at work. Everyone at the office that I work with see me as male. There have been a few confused stares from people at work outside of my normal circle of co-workers. No one has said anything to me about my change of appearance.

Outside of work has been a differing experience and so long as I keep my mouth shut or don't reveal my assigned at birth name, I am presumed female.

This is very much true! I believe that those people who are used to see You as male will just re-adjust their inner image of Yours and still go on seeing You as male no matter what. On the other hand, I spoke with a couple of co-workers and explained them what is going on and nobody seemed that much surprised. The rest... well, they still see me as a guy and then once for a while a new co-worker arrives and suddenly decides to hold a door for me... awkward .

Outside in completely strange environment, things are completely different though .

[Serena]

My mom told me that with my longer hair, she's afraid people will start staring at me, etc... But I don't see it much... And I always male failed on the phone, I never got sir... So there is that...

I think it depends on a case by casis, though I'm pretty sure after the 8th to the one year mark, it's pretty obvious xD

[ImagineKate]

Leila, I think your coworkers are simply remembering the male you or just being polite.

I figure once I pass really well I might look for another job. Just to avoid the questions.

However there is high turnover in our department these days so that may not be an issue. But I've been wanting to make a move anyway.

[Leila]

I think your coworkers are simply remembering the male you or just being polite.

Maybe they are. It is the kind of environment where people here are generally quite respectful of others. Although not be being out yet, I do wonder how far one day I could push my gender expression in the office and still not illicit any comments said to my face regarding it.

[VannaSiamese]

It really depends.  I have been on hormones for 5 years, and sometimes still pass as a boy.  It's funny too, because when I try to pass as a boy, it's always a fail. It's my androgynous look that can put me either way.

For example, my girlfriend and I are having a baby, so, to avoid confusion, I dress boyish when we go to our doctor appointments.  Without fail, every time, a nurse asks if we are sisters, or friends, and often times they ask if the father of the child is still in the picture.  They are always very surprised when I chirp in, saying I'm the father, and I can tell they rarely fully understand.  We had some pregnancy complications last week, and I spent 5 hours in the room with a nurse, and I tried to explain to her that I was the dad.  She still continued to call me she, and by the end of the visit, I realized that she thought we were lesbians, and that we had sought out a sperm donor. 

This brings me to another important point... hormones don't always make you sterile! =)


me as a boy

[ImagineKate]

Maybe they are. It is the kind of environment where people here are generally quite respectful of others. Although not be being out yet, I do wonder how far one day I could push my gender expression in the office and still not illicit any comments said to my face regarding it.

At my office, I think short of me showing up in a dress and high heels most people will play along for now.

[Virginia]

So much depends on how androgynous your body was preHRT and the effect hormones have on your mind. Throw in confusing secondary gender markers like androgynous clothing (male or female), long/feminine styled hair, groomed eyebrows, earrings or any makeup, and all bets are off.

It's a bit self-evident when you think about it, but hormones have the most drastic physical effect for people whose bodies exhibit strong secondary sexual characteristics of their gender assigned at birth. The changes will be hard to hide but in and of themself will not keep a person from passing as their GAAB. I am extremely androgynous. My female alter had no problems with people seeing her as a woman preHRT and I don't have any problems with people seeing me as a guy after 5 years on a full transition level regimen.

As powerful as the physical side effects of hormones can be, the effect they have on the mind is even more significant. Once the brain begins to receive the correct chemicals from HRT, gender dysphoria begins to subside. Many people simply lose the ability to perceive themself as their gender assigned at birth and become "unable to pass." For others like myself, hormones simply give peace, with no change in sense of self or desire to transition.