My Mind Needs Help, Please... Forgive me for Long Read

[Stuck Beneath the Mire]

If this is not the right place, forgive me, and by all means, any mod can move it or whatnot.

Hi, I REALLY require guidance from minds who have been there or understand or just opinions of any helpful voice. I'm obviously very new here. Let me explain a couple things. You can call me Alana because I've loved that name for I don't know six or seven years now. I'm 24 as of Feb. I've grown up in America's Middle East (Deep South, Heart of Dixie). From the moment I exited the womb, I was indoctrinated into being a Baptist. Basically my mind was shaped and washed into believing everything. My whole family is ultra religious, ultra conservative Christians. I've personally never heard one "unfit" word for a Christian to utter come from my parents. No one knows that my mouth is indeed very "secular." Lest they think poorly of their only son who they can be so proud of as a strong, Christian young man... I'm sorry if this background is too much.

I'll get back on point even though that all has strong tug of war syndromes on my mind. I still have a faith and follow the philosophy of Jesus, but that will never be enough for them... I've been a very sad, depressed, lonely and basically alone individual since somewhere between 15-17. I've tried to block out my past as much as I could. I'm trying to paint myself, who I really am, my mind and all that for best help. Yes, I know I could probably use therapy, multiple kinds. Believe me, one of the first things I'm doing once I move out to Cali in late July will be finding a good gender therapist. I jumped the gun. I hardly speak: shy, bashful, timid, introvert, etc, etc. I write paragraphs when I speak with words; I speak in fragments vocally... I'm trying to be more outgoing, just not my good nature. My best friend who I call my sister is trying to get me a job out there for once it is time to leave. She is also going to drive cross country to liberate me. She is too good to me when I do nothing but cry and complain to her. I'm an unworthy future roomie...

Okay back on point sorry... From what I can recall, I was a normal boy with normal friends doing normal boy things until I lost all my friends around age 15... Things started hitting at once... I realized how obese and lazy an individual I had become. I lost all my friends(4 who lived around me; 2 in my youth group at church) who were my only friends at the same time. I homeschooled... no more real life friends. My depression began then with all my negative things taking hold and has never left... I hope escaping this place eases up that burden.

Okay this time, I'm getting to the point. 15: I began to feel something might not be right with me but mostly ignored it until I decided to try very minimal crossdressing in secret. Yes, I liked the feeling of it, and it "excited" me. It also felt right though, and I just generally liked wearing it. it was a good feeling. I did it kind of off and on for a little while. I did it even less through 16-18. In those years, I kept feeling a progression in my mind, weird feelings and feeling out of place, uncomfortable even, and more than just "out of place in the world." 19: I finally formulated my own ideals and thoughts and not let Christianity dictate things to me. I will always hate myself for feeling the way I did towards LGBT when I had no understanding except the mantra of everything "ungodly" which is: "it is sin." 19-22: This is when I just came to being fascinated with women and everything they had struggled for throughout history and just feeling like women are so much more amazing to me then men. I started to think and wish I was one, wish I had been born a girl. 23: Just everything about females had become amazing to me. I don't mean any of that in strict sexual and romantic terms either. I also started to realize that I hate my born gender as the world sees me and that I'm part of. Which leads into 24...

I truly apologize for length. If anyone actually reads all this because of caring nature and desire to aid, I can't express my gratitude enough. I'll try to wrap this up now with my mental struggles over the past almost two months now and my fluctuations and my fears. I thought maybe I was gender fluid, but now I have come to accept my strong feminine side. Still living in this Christian home of my parents, I am a broken, suppressed, repressed and silent person who keeps the status quo. I'm growing my hair out now because I want longer hair to go to a stylist to in Cali and try to find what feminine styles I like or whatnot. I grow my nails out until my mom says: "Your hands look like a woman's! Go trim your nails already." That kind of makes me squeal with joy inside. If they knew me, my mind of today... they would have me committed. I hate the South, this place... the people. It might be important to say: last year, I secretly bought feminine clothing, primarily lots of panties for myself. They were helping me feel better a little bit. My parents violated my privacy while I was gone and raided my room... Yep, 23 and subject to that... They sat me down after they cried for a while because their hearts were broken that I was gay... If I am gay, I'm a lesbian, but still... I get violated yet I have to be the bad one... I had to live with shame and guilt for a long while... No one will read this. I just keep adding more and getting off point... I'm seriously so sorry.

I have come to understand that I must be female inside. I hate being a male. I would change my body to female in an instant and never even ask if changing back is an option if that kind of magic existed. I think would very much enjoy feeling the effects of HRT on my mind and all inside. I would be in love if I could look in the mirror to see my body fat redistributed properly. I can be patient with the growth of my breasts that would be awesome to watch develop. I want to wear my hair in feminine ways. I want to get rid of pretty much all the hair on my body. I want to train my voice to right pitch and junk. I want to be able to start learning makeup application on myself, to paint my fingers and toes, to wear whatever clothes I want. I want to be a her and not a he. I feel like that could help my issues and improve myself to be, dare I say it... happy.

I feel like I should have been born with the body to match... But here is the thing, the kicker: I am completely afraid and confused. I've spent too much time in denial of who I may be over the last 30 days or so. I've read so much and been doing lots of research, both the kind that uplifts and sways to hope and the kind that brings down and makes afraid. Here we go to what I really have been trying to get to, my questions:

I understand each individual is unique and will respond differently with everything but I've noticed a common thing that seems to be something you can expect which scares me completely to the point of no longer wanting to keep HRT as an option... LIBDO. Now, okay... as this female in this male shell, I have basically zero life experience. I've never had a relationship, yup, never a girlfriend, never a first first kiss... So add that into the equation as you wish to. Now while I do wish I had been born with a vulva, I have few issues with my penis. I mean I could end up giving SRS much more serious thought down the road much further into transition if I walk that path but as of now, I'm okay with it. And thus being okay with it, I like its functionality. I don't care about losing the ability to procreate, banking sperm is an option. I don't want to lose the ability to get strong erections and that sounds like a given which is pushing me away from wanting HRT. That was a weird way to word a question but that was one.

Another one: Is it possible to be trans and not go through the motions and find a place of zen eventually even if it is not a full place? Am I going to be looked at as a freak in every community if I want to be a female but try to work with what I got? I'm not a queen, crossdresser, ->-bleeped-<-, or whatever... I want to be the she I know I am, but society won't accept that I guess... I could try playing male in public and unleashing me behind closed doors? Still... if I walk around with clearly feminine hair and nails, I'll still get glances... How common are the risks involved with HRT if you follow everything correctly? I can't get past the "taming of the penis" thing... I don't want that. At least, right now where I am in this stage, I do not. One last question: How common are hypoplastic tubular breasts and how long do they persists if they form?

In closing, I'm very sorry for this length, but I appreciate every single person who does get through this all to help me. You are more awesome than I can describe. I know what I must do. I must go have some sessions with a good gender therapist once I get to Cali to further my understanding and follow guidance. I also think I should spend some time in private as feminized as I can get to, and I definitely plan to do that. Isn't that what you are supposed to do anyway? Real life test thing? All of this is out of my control until I get to Cali. I need to stop having these fits of confusion, anger, sadness... I hate over thinking and these panic strikes...

Thank you to all of you in advance if you get through this
With Appreciation, Alana

[Cindy]

Hi Young lady,
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I cannot relate to everything you say because I'm in Australia, but many of our USA girls will.

So first. You are no longer alone. We know your pain and will help. You are not odd, you are not cursed, you are a very normal young woman born in the wrong body, and you deserve to live your life and fly and enjoy your life.

Now practicalities, can you make a plan to move somewhere where you will be safe to be you? I have to admit that I don't have a good grasp of Fundamental religions but it sounds as if you may not be safe in your family if and when you come out.

I really feel you need to develop a plan, and hey, we love you for being you!

Cindy

[Stuck Beneath the Mire]

No, my family wouldn't take kind to me at all. I would be just sick in their eyes... Nothing but immersed in sin. I live in the South. I'll be moving to probably the best state I could for my mind which is a thousand miles away. I just have to continue working my grocery store job here until late July when my dear bestie comes to move me out there and get a place with her there in California. I just have a lot of discovery in myself to get worked out. I hope some therapy sessions can help out. I still can't fully grasp myself yet, but I do know I am female. I just have a lot of borders inside myself to cross before I can have clarity of self. I have to get myself straightened out first. If I have to and it comes to it, I will write my parents a letter, but I can't talk to them about it. They would simply mourn the loss of a son. I don't think any of my family would be accepting of me at all if I am indeed trans. I still can't even wrap a confirmation on that though... My mind is just spinning with confusion.

[Ms Grace]

Hi! Welcome the forum and thanks for sharing your story. We live in a culture and society that does not condone let alone encourage transgender people. As such is it any wonder we are made to feel that it is us that has the problem when the real issue is that we are being blocked from being ourselves. That can lead to a lot of confusion, "secretive" behaviour and a belief that we are wrong somehow and if we just tried to be more like the gender that we are expected to be then it will stop...this rarely if ever works. Anyway, bottom line is that you are not wrong for expressing your female self.

[LoriLorenz]

Hi Alana,

First, let me say you are not alone. I come from a fairly traditional faith background and struggle almost daily with organizing my sense of self with both my visceral and intellectual understading of faith. I cling to Matthew 19:12 as a lifeline that tells me I'm NOT outside God's plan.

Next, I understand your pain of have little to no friendships. Growing up I was - in multiple ways - a pariah. When you are able to fully be yourself, you will find more and more friendships. Trust me on this.

Third, Some children know as young as toddler-hood that they are trans. They might not have the language for it, but the perfectly "normal" looking girl can assert "I am a BOY" and the typical looking boy can say "I am a PRINCESS". I'm not saying this to tell you that you shoud have known from an early age. That would be entirely hypocritical of me, since I am new to the trans world myself and have only been fully engaged in it for the last 5 months or so. No, what I'm trying (badly) to express is that you don't NEED to have had romantic and/or sexual experience to known your own sex/gender is not what it should be.

Finally, read back for yourself what you say about your feelings of being a woman. Read them with clarity and objectivity, like you were in my place as a stranger. Forget about the stuff not related to your own feelings about your gender. I think you will find a certainty in your words that will confirm quite solidly that you ARE a transgendered woman. Trust in that and journey towards that. There will be good days and bad days on that journey, but if you trust in your own certainty, you can weather just about anything.

Don't give up. You are not alone

God bless,
Lorenz

[Miyuki]

If this is not the right place, forgive me, and by all means, any mod can move it or whatnot.

Don't worry about it Alana, I think you've come to the right place.

Hi, I REALLY require guidance from minds who have been there or understand or just opinions of any helpful voice. I'm obviously very new here. Let me explain a couple things. You can call me Alana because I've loved that name for I don't know six or seven years now. I'm 24 as of Feb. I've grown up in America's Middle East (Deep South, Heart of Dixie). From the moment I exited the womb, I was indoctrinated into being a Baptist. Basically my mind was shaped and washed into believing everything. My whole family is ultra religious, ultra conservative Christians. I've personally never heard one "unfit" word for a Christian to utter come from my parents. No one knows that my mouth is indeed very "secular." Lest they think poorly of their only son who they can be so proud of as a strong, Christian young man... I'm sorry if this background is too much.

I'll get back on point even though that all has strong tug of war syndromes on my mind. I still have a faith and follow the philosophy of Jesus, but that will never be enough for them... I've been a very sad, depressed, lonely and basically alone individual since somewhere between 15-17. I've tried to block out my past as much as I could. I'm trying to paint myself, who I really am, my mind and all that for best help. Yes, I know I could probably use therapy, multiple kinds. Believe me, one of the first things I'm doing once I move out to Cali in late July will be finding a good gender therapist. I jumped the gun. I hardly speak: shy, bashful, timid, introvert, etc, etc. I write paragraphs when I speak with words; I speak in fragments vocally... I'm trying to be more outgoing, just not my good nature. My best friend who I call my sister is trying to get me a job out there for once it is time to leave. She is also going to drive cross country to liberate me. She is too good to me when I do nothing but cry and complain to her. I'm an unworthy future roomie...

Okay back on point sorry... From what I can recall, I was a normal boy with normal friends doing normal boy things until I lost all my friends around age 15... Things started hitting at once... I realized how obese and lazy an individual I had become. I lost all my friends(4 who lived around me; 2 in my youth group at church) who were my only friends at the same time. I homeschooled... no more real life friends. My depression began then with all my negative things taking hold and has never left... I hope escaping this place eases up that burden.

Okay this time, I'm getting to the point. 15: I began to feel something might not be right with me but mostly ignored it until I decided to try very minimal crossdressing in secret. Yes, I liked the feeling of it, and it "excited" me. It also felt right though, and I just generally liked wearing it. it was a good feeling. I did it kind of off and on for a little while. I did it even less through 16-18. In those years, I kept feeling a progression in my mind, weird feelings and feeling out of place, uncomfortable even, and more than just "out of place in the world." 19: I finally formulated my own ideals and thoughts and not let Christianity dictate things to me. I will always hate myself for feeling the way I did towards LGBT when I had no understanding except the mantra of everything "ungodly" which is: "it is sin." 19-22: This is when I just came to being fascinated with women and everything they had struggled for throughout history and just feeling like women are so much more amazing to me then men. I started to think and wish I was one, wish I had been born a girl. 23: Just everything about females had become amazing to me. I don't mean any of that in strict sexual and romantic terms either. I also started to realize that I hate my born gender as the world sees me and that I'm part of. Which leads into 24...

I truly apologize for length. If anyone actually reads all this because of caring nature and desire to aid, I can't express my gratitude enough. I'll try to wrap this up now with my mental struggles over the past almost two months now and my fluctuations and my fears. I thought maybe I was gender fluid, but now I have come to accept my strong feminine side. Still living in this Christian home of my parents, I am a broken, suppressed, repressed and silent person who keeps the status quo. I'm growing my hair out now because I want longer hair to go to a stylist to in Cali and try to find what feminine styles I like or whatnot. I grow my nails out until my mom says: "Your hands look like a woman's! Go trim your nails already." That kind of makes me squeal with joy inside. If they knew me, my mind of today... they would have me committed. I hate the South, this place... the people. It might be important to say: last year, I secretly bought feminine clothing, primarily lots of panties for myself. They were helping me feel better a little bit. My parents violated my privacy while I was gone and raided my room... Yep, 23 and subject to that... They sat me down after they cried for a while because their hearts were broken that I was gay... If I am gay, I'm a lesbian, but still... I get violated yet I have to be the bad one... I had to live with shame and guilt for a long while... No one will read this. I just keep adding more and getting off point... I'm seriously so sorry.

You don't have anything to apologize for. I read every word of it and the length didn't bother me even a little. I think one of the best things about this place it that it gives you an opportunity to finally let go of everything you've been holding inside for so long, and actually have people who understand what you've been going through listen to you. From the sounds of it you've had a pretty hard time, and no one could blame you at all for wanting to get everything out.

I understand each individual is unique and will respond differently with everything but I've noticed a common thing that seems to be something you can expect which scares me completely to the point of no longer wanting to keep HRT as an option... LIBDO. Now, okay... as this female in this male shell, I have basically zero life experience. I've never had a relationship, yup, never a girlfriend, never a first first kiss... So add that into the equation as you wish to. Now while I do wish I had been born with a vulva, I have few issues with my penis. I mean I could end up giving SRS much more serious thought down the road much further into transition if I walk that path but as of now, I'm okay with it. And thus being okay with it, I like its functionality. I don't care about losing the ability to procreate, banking sperm is an option. I don't want to lose the ability to get strong erections and that sounds like a given which is pushing me away from wanting HRT. That was a weird way to word a question but that was one.

Okay, so here is the thing. HRT will reduce libido, almost universally. But it rarely makes it go away completely. In my case, it changed from something that was very insistent and distracting, to something that I really only think about when I want to. If you ask me, that is a major improvement. I actually think if men had the ability to turn their sex drive down by choice, most would probably do so, because life is just a lot more pleasant when the thing in your pants isn't the one in charge. When I started HRT, I had some concerns about this to, because I wasn't gay, and even though I had never had any sort of a relationship with a girl, due to severe dysphoria and various other things, I still thought losing my sex drive completely might make life just seem bland and boring. But in practice the opposite was true. A lot more things make me happy now than before I started HRT, and the idea of having a male sex drive again seems extremely unappealing. One thing that can happen though, just to warn you, is that even though my sexuality didn't completely reverse polarities, I am at least somewhat attracted to men now (although it depends a lot on the guy I guess). That's not to say this will happen to you, it doesn't happen to everyone, but changes in sexual orientation can occur on hormones. But I don't think you should let it scare you too much, because if you have a strong desire to maintain an attraction to only women, you probably will be able to do so. And regarding erections, again, everyone is different, but I can still get them if I want to. If that does become a problem, you can always work with your doctor to adjust your hormone dosage to a level that still allows you to get them.

Another one: Is it possible to be trans and not go through the motions and find a place of zen eventually even if it is not a full place? Am I going to be looked at as a freak in every community if I want to be a female but try to work with what I got? I'm not a queen, crossdresser, ->-bleeped-<-, or whatever... I want to be the she I know I am, but society won't accept that I guess... I could try playing male in public and unleashing me behind closed doors? Still... if I walk around with clearly feminine hair and nails, I'll still get glances...

That's really hard to say. I think the decision to transition is ultimately made for people, when they realize it is the only way they can be happy. Even if you could be happy not completely transitioning now, you may reach a point later in life where that is no longer the case. I think that regardless though, you don't have to be looked at as a freak, or anything like that. Honestly, most people probably do not care as much as you think they will. And California is generally better about being tolerant than many areas of the country. You also don't have to think of things in such a black and white all or nothing way. You could just do what I did and start by trying to be more androgynous, and see where things go from there.

How common are the risks involved with HRT if you follow everything correctly? I can't get past the "taming of the penis" thing... I don't want that. At least, right now where I am in this stage, I do not.

If you follow a routine prescribed by a doctor, and make sure to get all the proper testing done, the risks are usually negligible. There are some things though that can be an issue though, like you shouldn't smoke while taking HRT, because that increases the risks. And also, stay away from conjugated estrogens (premarin). They are dangerous, and offer no real benefits over bioidentical hormones. Seriously though, don't worry too much about the penis thing. By the time you actually notice any difference, you may not even care anymore because you feel so much better in every other way. You can always stop HRT within the first month or so if you don't like it, and there shouldn't be any noticeable permanent effects.

One last question: How common are hypoplastic tubular breasts and how long do they persists if they form?

I'm not sure how common hypoplastic tubular breasts are to be honest. I never got them, but I know a lot of people do. It's a risk, but in the end, they are bigger things to worry about as far as transitioning goes. I think there are cosmetic procedure that can correct breast shape too (don't quote me on that though ;P). However, you should know that any glandular breast development is permanent, and will not go away unless surgically removed.

In closing, I'm very sorry for this length, but I appreciate every single person who does get through this all to help me. You are more awesome than I can describe. I know what I must do. I must go have some sessions with a good gender therapist once I get to Cali to further my understanding and follow guidance. I also think I should spend some time in private as feminized as I can get to, and I definitely plan to do that. Isn't that what you are supposed to do anyway? Real life test thing? All of this is out of my control until I get to Cali. I need to stop having these fits of confusion, anger, sadness... I hate over thinking and these panic strikes...

Thank you to all of you in advance if you get through this
With Appreciation, Alana

You've very welcome. Just remember, we're here to help, and there's no need to apologize for telling us the things we need to know to do that.

[Stuck Beneath the Mire]

Thanks for the kind words, advice, support and, information. I have a lot to put in order with myself. I'm going to take this nice and slow. It is still a good ways away until it is time for me to leave this place and get my fresh start, get to actually live my life. Will that life have massive changes in it that I didn't expect not that long ago? I'm not certain yet. If there is anything I understand from reading other threads and on other forums, it is that it never goes away, and in fact once it comes to you it will only get worse. I'm obviously not getting any younger either. I just have to be certain with myself. I've written tons of stuff to various friends and junk. I keep going back and rereading it because I don't want to try to unconsciously try to put myself into denial as a defensive mechanism out of fear or something. If I just turn out being obsessed with being a complete woman, what does that mean? But that is just everyone's dream... Life didn't go that way, so everyone does what they must. Then I see examples of plenty of ladies who look absolutely stunning. Actually, I have seen very few who look like they would have some difficulty passing. I just get angry that this had to happen in this post puberty body... But then I remember it wouldn't have mattered anyway because of my family and upbringing... Oh, life... My mindset is a lot less chaotic now. There is nothing I can do but wait until I'm gone to figure out everything and take whatever actions I end up taking. I'm just going try to not think about everything too much until I leave.

Priorities are simple: 1) continue to work 2) move 3) hope my bestie gets me the job with her at her place(a sitdown job transferring books into ebooks in what sounds like a great environment. A  more leisurely job would be great if transitioning turns out to be my path which that workplace sounds like it definitely is. Paying for rent and other costs of living in Cali. will be difficult enough for a while though...) 4) find and go to gender therapist 5) explore myself and no longer suppress and repress who I really am inside 6) which covers 1-5, I would hope, enjoy life and do what it takes to find happiness

Excellent verse choice, Lorenz, I like that. And thanks for all your words, Miyuki.

I have a question: Voice training, is it as difficult as it sounds? I would obviously think it to be easier with a coach/trainer. Vocal surgeries, are they worth it or is training definitely the better way?

[Jen72]

You are not alone and tbh I related to a lot of that. Not in usa nor in religious family but the rest yes. Anyway from what I have read voice coach first if that really doesn't work then surgery since there is a risk involved in any surgery etc. One other thing that I have learned is one step at a time and guilty was trying to do too many things at once it really does help to do one thing at a time or at your pace at least. Something that might help with the confusion is an exercise or two: 1 write a pro male pro female con male con female list 2 one I thought of that might help to kind of similar but what makes me a female or male or neutral.

Still discovering myself and if you think you have waited a long time for this don't worry patience. Myself I am 42 and just starting to figure this out and yes I have not had a date etc either. Keep in mind sexuality and gender identity are not the same they have a link but still different. Kind of like you could say arms and legs are both appendages but are not the same yet linked to the body.

In short take it one day at a time one step at a time and discover your true self whatever that will be. Not religious myself but the bible does state that jesus says he loves everyone therefor we are not a sin. Well my take on it at least.

Lastly lots of good information on this site look around and decide for yourself:)

[Stuck Beneath the Mire]

Thanks, Jen. Those are pretty good ideas for exercises. I think I may do that. I'm always writing something anyway. Might as well write something to serve as a reflecting tool of sorts.

[Ms Grace]

I have a question: Voice training, is it as difficult as it sounds? I would obviously think it to be easier with a coach/trainer. Vocal surgeries, are they worth it or is training definitely the better way?

I'd see how you go with training first. A lot of it depends on how deep and loud your voice currently is. A lot can be attained from voice training but it takes constant practice to become second nature and not damage your vocal chords.

[Stuck Beneath the Mire]

Ah, okay. Yeah, it is just one of the things I'm curious about. The voice thing is way down my list of things to think about right now.

[mrs izzy]

Stuck Beneath the Mire
Welcome to Susan's Family
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[JynxRosalie]

I read your post (all of it, really it wasn't a bother) and figured I should at least leave a reply. I'm in a very similar situation to you. I'm new to accepting this side of me as well, and wanting to do something about it...but also doubting. And just like you, I still live with my family and there's no way I could tell them this, it would NOT go over well. I just wanted to give you a vote of confidence, you are a strong person for holding on this long, and judging from your vernacular you're very intelligent. You held on this long and you have a way to freedom, that's amazing and I'm so happy for you to have that to look forward to. I would say that you shouldn't worry too much about fitting into any stereotypical images of Trans. I've read lots of stories of Trans women who don't transition at all, and who are comfortable just knowing what they are inside. Every case is individual, and yours might be just that. Whatever you feel you are inside, that's what you are. Furthermore, however you need to express that is all up to your wants and your needs. So try not to stress on it too much. Trust me, if you run into any of my posts on this forum you'll see that's all I ever do, and it doesn't really help me.

Hugs~
Jynx

[Athena]

Hi Alana welcome to Susan's I hope you find a home here.

Fist thing I would like to address is the religious aspect. Most people who use christianity to attack others and call them immoral only use passages that support their narrow beliefs. They choose to ignore other passages that conflict with their comfort. I am not a believer myself but from what I understand Jesus was a pretty accepting person, I'd follow his teachings over those that would promote hate.

The second thing I would like to address is the fact that you don't really think that grs might be what you want. Many transgender women and men choose not to go through with grs and are quite happy with their choice. The goal of transitioning is to get to a point where you are happy with yourself not to be what others think or say you should be, only you can say what you need and how far you should go. A for erections from what I understand even after being on hrt long term erections can still happen, it just takes more work. Banking sperm is a must though if you should want children of your own.

[LoriLorenz]

Fist thing I would like to address is the religious aspect. Most people who use christianity to attack others and call them immoral only use passages that support their narrow beliefs. They choose to ignore other passages that conflict with their comfort. I am not a believer myself but from what I understand Jesus was a pretty accepting person, I'd follow his teachings over those that would promote hate.

This is very true. I recently looked up a verse that was being used as anti-lgbtq* and the surrounding passage changes the focus of its meaning quite drastically. (It went from anti-lgbtq to anti-intolerance!) Don't let anyone tell you you are wrong to be yourself.)