Hi vtor_91, I am sorry if you found my reply among the ones telling you to 'suck it up'. I'd just say that my wife and I are similarly confused about where we're headed, so my response was more to draw a parallel than to offer any advice.
I can now see some more parallels in our stories, and in fact, your posts are sort of giving me an objective view of what my wife might be going through but is not openly talking about.
Regarding feeling safe due to your partner's 'male' attributes such as strength, voice... I had something similar going on in my mind, due to which I asked a related question on a different part of this site. I know that my physical changes, if and when they happen, will put me more at risk in the world outside, and as difficult as it may be, I can accept that as one of the negatives which will hopefully be outweighed by the positives. But I would feel far more guilty if my changes put my wife at greater risk. It is unfair to her, and also makes my promise to her that 'things won't change between us' a little hollow.
About family, well I think (or hope, maybe) that our parents are somewhat liberal and may be willing to accept us, especially if we are staying together. If we decide to separate, it would be a huge problem in itself for both of us even without the transitioning angle. But even if we stay together and our parents are supportive, I do not have any hope of support from either of our extended families. Maybe a few might accept, but most of them will simply not want to hear from us again. FWIW, I wouldn't care about most of them either, and I believe that my wife wouldn't too, but to expect her not to care would be unfair.
Despite these future risks, my wife has so far been supportive, and is open to me 'cross-dressing', having longer hair than hers, and even going for facial hair removal which would likely be a permanent change. Sometimes, even such slight changes freak an SO out, and for good reason. After all, as blueconstancy said, the terms of the relationship change in a fundamental, permanent way, and it does have an effect on everyone.
For now, I am grateful for the support that I do have from my wife, and I am waiting to see how I deal with these slight changes to begin with, before considering going further or asking her to accept further changes. We have not yet reached the stage where physical intimacy needs to be re-defined, so don't have much to say there. Though she does recognize that my emotions attached to physical intimacy are slightly different from what she always thought they were.
That's the step-by-step approach that we are taking. It may or may not work for you, and your partner may go faster or slower with transitioning, or not transition at all. Finally, it's for the two of you to decide. You need not feel obligated or be forced to choose one way or the other. And yes, trying to keep an open mind about such a drastic change can take its own emotional toll, so feel free to vent here as much as you want.
