So scared of being alone forever

[androgynouspainter26]

I'm really down now lately about this, and it's the one reason I've contemplated going back.  I just wish I could meet someone I am really attracted to-not just someone who "loves" me or some BS but someone who is smart, stimulating, who I can really love life with...and I'm virtually certain that because I'm trans, won't ever be able to afford surgery, and look disgustingly ugly nobody will ever want to love me.  I just want to cry   Why couldn't I have been pretty?  I don't want to be an ugly girl nobody will ever listen to or respect.  I hate it. 

[April_TO]

Big hugs - we all have our moments. Sometimes, we may just have to work on our selves first before the right person can come along.
You are not ugly!

I am currently reading Janet Mock's book Redefining Realness and so far I am learning a lot from it.

xxx

April

I'm really down now lately about this, and it's the one reason I've contemplated going back.  I just wish I could meet someone I am really attracted to-not just someone who "loves" me or some BS but someone who is smart, stimulating, who I can really love life with...and I'm virtually certain that because I'm trans, won't ever be able to afford surgery, and look disgustingly ugly nobody will ever want to love me.  I just want to cry   Why couldn't I have been pretty?  I don't want to be an ugly girl nobody will ever listen to or respect.  I hate it.

[androgynouspainter26]

Pfft.  Janet mock looks like a supermodel and passes without question.  I'm so ugly I want to vomit when I look in a mirror.

[Lady Smith]

I certainly don't see an ugly girl when I look at your avatar picture and if you've come this far you already know in your heart that going back isn't a viable option.  All you'd be doing is exchanging your present distress for something a lot worse.  You might be alone at the moment, but at least you are completely you and not living a lie.
Did something happen recently that contributed to you feeling down?   I know myself there were plenty of times when I was feeling good only to have somebody hurl abuse at me or threaten me and before I knew it the pit of despair was right there waiting for me to fall into it.
Something I love about being a woman is that you can have a bloody good cry if you want to and let go of all that misery and tension.  Afterwards you can wipe away your tears and blow your nose and get back to it again.

[Mariah]

When I see your profile pick I don't see ugly and that includes the many other photos you have posted too. Your not ugly. You have a lot going for you and the their is someone out their for the kind person you are. You have a lot to offer and the right person will see that. Big hugs and good luck.
Mariah

Pfft.  Janet mock looks like a supermodel and passes without question.  I'm so ugly I want to vomit when I look in a mirror.

[evecrook]

I don't think your ugly

[Renata]

I know that fear so much, it is something that eats at me.

[marsh monster]

I don't think you're ugly at all.  And you certainly look better than I did at 2 years. For some of us, it takes time to realize the full effects.


And personally, I wouldn't sweat the whole relationship thing. Heck, I've been alone for 22 years now, mostly out of choice and necessity, but I think if you really do want to be with someone, you do need to enjoy being with yourself first. A corny saying, but true.

[ImagineKate]

As a guy I was short and fat and I was married twice. Everyone has their someone, so unless you're looking for perfection you'll find someone.

[PhoenixGurl2016]

Honestly I am worried about it too, but if I think about it then it would eat at me. Right now I am opening and exploring a new word. Taking care of me.

Stay strong op and positive:)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Wednesday]

Girl girl girl! You're worrying me so much lately. You're setting out this wrongly. Waaay long before worrying about finding love outside of you, you should be growing love inside you (damn, this sh*t sounds like I'm a pothead) you should love, cherish yourself and made things just for yourself. Now, the two main points here:

1.Beauty:

- I don't think you're ugly (and seriously doubt that's the overall impression about your appereance, because i'm *always* right). In fact if I were attracted to women I'll be hitting on you for sure. Also I think maybe 80% of ciswomen (being conservative) could benefit from FFS. This doesn't mean they don't "pass" without it, this means they just could benefit from it. If you want my opinion, your starting point could be almost the ending point for some FFS candidates. Unless your brow, any other procedures should be purely cosmetic. Not to make you pass, but to make you go from cute to stunning.

- This overlaps with point 2 but... are you sleeping enough? eating healthy? avoiding bad habits? Depression and sadness could worsen a lot your appearance. Your look is kinda dark and your eyes look tired/sad (not completely opened). Getting rid of dark circles, depression and bad thoughts could be a serious improvement. Also a nice diet who gives you sustained energy levels and some exercise to speed up metabolism are good considerations.

- If I were you, will do (not neccesarily on this order): chemical hair straightening, hydration (keratin) masks, lightening the hair at least 2 or 3 tones until getting a colour that suits your skin (ask your colourist), go to a brow bar (you need way more tidy eyebrows, maybe more thick and high-set towards the nose, look for "hd eyebrow" or something like that), and maybe some new hairdressing and makeup.

2. Attitude

- If I were into girls, after seeing you on the street I'll probably think some "jesus, this girl, looks like she came out from Vogue pages". After seeing/hearing your attitude... well, let's say I'll not be that much interested. I saw it in other people (not trans), even in me. That dynamic obscure you, impede you to shine, and prevent people from seeing your real self. Even for those super bigoted; shine and prove yourself well above them.

- Just for mental sanity, you should derail that train of thought (aka "everybody dislikes me"). Give a sh*t about their looks, their opinions, their stares, their comments, laugh about them. Forever alone? Here in Spain we say "Siempre hay un roto para un descosido" (there's a lid for every pot). Take it easy, really, and please, open a Vogue magazine, there are tons of Vogue models with squarish jaws, bony and high foreheads.
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Not sayin to stop pursuin your goals, but please, empower yourself, care less about people. Know what works for me? Running/cicling. I burn that anger by running or cycling until my heart, lungs and legs hurt. Not just makes me healthier and fit, it empowers me and acts like a perfect "discharge valve".

[Ms Grace]

I just wish I could meet someone I am really attracted to-not just someone who "loves" me or some BS but someone who is smart, stimulating, who I can really love life with...

There's no reason why you won't... plenty of people like that out there you just have to have the luck to find them and the courage to tackle them.

...and I'm virtually certain that because I'm trans, won't ever be able to afford surgery, and look disgustingly ugly nobody will ever want to love me.

You aren't ugly. Seriously. No one is paying me to say that. Also, looks never need be a barrier to a meaningful relationship. And as long as you're hating on yourself like that people will usually feel less inclined to approach you let alone want to get to know you better.

Why couldn't I have been pretty?  I don't want to be an ugly girl nobody will ever listen to or respect.  I hate it.

Hon, you really need to respect yourself first - respect from other people flows out of that. Hugs.

[Tianna]

Hey, I am new here and I came on here to look for answers to my own problems and in my search across this site I came across your statement. You say why couldn't you look really pretty? Well I was born Intersexed, I'm petite Latina origin n everyone says I am real pretty. I'll tell you through experience feeling beautiful is within and not just on the outside ok. A woman is not a man and so life for a woman cannot be compared to a mans. As for you, if that is a picture of you girl there isn't anything wrong with you ok, you look just fine. It's more to do with your own insecurities that you perceive yourself that way when in fact your not ugly by a very long shot. I don't know if your just transitioning but if you are I guess it is lack of self confidence which makes you a little scared.

Hey, gay guys go out there and dress how they want and do their thing and for the most especially with the younger generations they are more accepted and so they should be. So you going through a transitional period of changing I guess that's what you want from m/f you need to get yourself in with a good peer group of friends to boost your self esteem. Hey, there are all kinds of women out there who are all shapes and sizes who look good and not as good but who manage to find themselves a partner be it male or female. Beauty don't necessarily make a person more secure about themselves. It's all about you and the friends you chose around you that makes you a happier person because they will want you as their friend and you will feel wanted which will make you feel better within yourself and build-up your confidence.

A beautiful girl can find herself being used. A girl who is more relaxed within herself will be more secure within herself and that way she will pick n choose who her friends are and when her friends see she is a confident person she will attract more of the right kind of people. Who wants the wrong people latching on?

There are plenty of people out there who will love you but love doesn't happen just like that to most people, it takes time. Learn to love yourself first and play for time and make some good friends by joining groups and slowly making friends.

If it's sex your looking for then your looking for trouble cuz you'll end up being used, but if that's what you want, so what you want. But if you are genuine you will be patient and you will do one thing at a time step by step and that goes for everyone.

Being a woman isn't easy and no woman ever said it was. It's not all about glamor it's about who you are as a person.

You look good ok so quit worrying n do more of the socializing which will build your confidence.

Besos 'kisses'

Tianna

[warlockmaker]

You are most definitely not ugly and my comment is supported by all who have responded. Being ugly or not is seperate from finding someone who loves you, stimulates you, and makes you happy. Its not the looks but what is in your heart and soul that attracts someone that can fufill you. There is someone for each and every one of us out there, give it time, it will happen. We all are so much more critical of our looks than other who can see the beauty in us.

[Sammy]

Nobody wants to be alone forever, but, frankly speaking, chances for that outcome are 50/50 - You either will find someone or someone will find You, or.. it's just not going to happen. And there are plenty of people out there (cis and trans) who are alone and probably will stay that way... I will not comment on Your looks, painter, because I have said it before, but You cannot be convinced (neither can I!). And what are the chances for You to stay alone if You revert? The same as above - either... or.
For me, I am quite sure that I will live my life alone, but this prospect does not scare me - at least, I have a daughter to care about. Why does this possibility scare You?

[katrinaw]

You are attractive! Certainly not ugly, don't put yourself down 

It's funny but years ago I was told that when you are not positive e.g... Down and feeling like everything is against you, it probably will be... So try and have a positivity about yourself, radiate good vibes and you'll find people will be more attracted to you... I certainly believe it, if your positive people do want to be with you, I can vouch for that certainly in work and mixed company...

You will meet someone or more and find the right friends and relationships.

xoxoxo

L Katy 

[Sabrina]

I am also scared of being alone forever. But I have faith and truly believe there is someone out there for everyone regardless of who you are or what you look like. Just be a kind / nice person to whoever you can and karma will reward you with what you want. This may take time so don't lose hope.

[Kova V]

Get a puppy or kitty? Something that comes over and makes you pet it preferably.

[Mallory]

Shucks, I'd date you. Most of the girls here that worry that they'll never find anyone just aren't looking in the right places; love can be found anywhere and with anyone from all walks of life. Try not to get discouraged; it'll come.

See my signature.

[Rejennyrated]

In the first place I don't think you are ugly, but in the second sometimes I think we can all be our own worst enemies when we come to finding partners.  For example perhaps someone may be attracted to transwomen and we will write them off because we immediately assume they are just "->-bleeped-<-s." 

That's just one example, by the way, you can substitute any other identifiable characteristic to that – it's a bit like Woody Allen saying he wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would admit someone like him. We kind of find reasons to bin the very people that most want us.

I should declare that I had a 25 year partnership which only ended in 2013 when I was widowed. However my point is that as it worked out my partner was the last person in the world I would have chosen, but she chose me, and fortunately at the time I was open enough to figure that someone who really wanted me, for whatever reason, was probably a reasonable bet in terms of long-term stability. So I kind of rolled along with it, and things worked out pretty well.

So my top tip is if you want to find someone try not to have too fixed an idea of who and what you are looking for.

Me? Well I'm a widowed, 30 year postop, trainee doctor. Technically I'm already almost old enough to retire but as I'm just about to start a whole new career I probably won't be retiring for at least twenty five years – by which time I will be over 80. Oh and I live in the UK, I'm bisexual, and so open to whatever comes my way. I reckon someone will sign up for me sooner or later one way or another.  This isn't a dating site of course, and even if it was I'm not seriously advertising at the moment, as I'm rather busy trying to pass my degree, but like many here I'm open minded... 

So don't fret – something will work out sooner or later just keep an open mind, and welcoming heart. That's the secret really.