So much goes on, but I am happy, if people spend so much time to diss every move you make, sound you create.. Eventually you see the 'light' within the darkness.. That is the true spiritual mastery, when you are limited, without and at a horrible time, and still raise up. I am psychic that I will admit, others believe it is solely body language, or a connection to fake laughs and what not.. Those can see through it.. Apply as much logic without understanding.. It is such a blessing. How can I hold a standard to people who just refuse and do not get it.
Horse to water.. I cannot read minds but that is good.
My whole life something has been going on, it is fine now. I will not let the situation I am in control me, with all involved. I know steps ahead, but I stare out the window, smile at fibbing eyes and go along with 'hidden agendas'.
Breaking me down to build me up, I will do this but you are still the 'scum'. Mature enough to understand keep the mos high, time keeps going and it all moves on.. A lifetime of stalking, fine, once I get my own place and live a common lifestyle.
I wanted to be seen in a magnificent light, enlightening.. Others as well as myself.. I can do that just by continuing school, maintaining a job, finally breaking into life.. Get wasted at a bar with friends, go places I have not even heard of, far or near.. not adding to much fantasy, but being 'realistic'..
People are just beautiful, but at best Love - Aaliyah..
Constant 24/7 observation, and I should face all of my insecurities, fine you do it for one day but imagine a year and more.. Then having even that deprivation abused and total privacy gone.. Sneaky, sneaky set up.. Frames?
...
I choose not to push an image of anything.. Maybe I will be recognized in science, I really want to go back to school.. =)
My mind craves math and science, I would not feel complete.. Glam, events, all the 100 yards seems nice on the flip side, but I need to explore that other side..
Maybe soul purpose? I just need to contribute, win a Nobel Peace Prize.. Still be a artistic person, educated but still me..
Feel I will go Avatar with the genius I will develop, synchronicities and it all.. Applied Logic & Soul Alchemy.. Going to take some work and dedication, planning but worth it..
Maybe I will reach that stage years, well for it to reoccuring would be enjoyable.. I struggle to keep up, but now I just do not care..
Outdated but that is fine, in LaLa Land and that is fine.. I have issues, and so do you.. You probably just have time to actually deal with it and not build more and more insecurities..
What are people really about...? I now feel I do not owe anyone, anything..
Become an actual rolemodel, even if I have to study in a place not desirable or 'expected'.
I am not a singer songwriter, everyone is a dancer, model, not that good looking but I should model my achievements and my goals..
To become a true transgender / transsexual rolemodel, now I know I would never become evil, evil has its grasp on me and I still see heaven, oh I could cry.. Heaven for the skeptical, meaning I see the outcome and my sole determination to become productive collectively through a road that is higher than me, much more intelligent and wiser.. Yet I am a part of that.. Not a know it all, but I can respect that as the observer of myself, I know where I plan on going.. =)
Yay.. All is good, when all seem to have dark seeds to witness the bad.. Making everything a competition.. So draining but do you..
To each their own..
I can only imagine what else is out there.. High & Low..
If reincarnation is true, I am blessed.. if the existence of a soul is honest, then I am blessed..
Crazy / delusional, but this does not just happen to anyone..
Gotta love some Immortal Technique.. Have to get back to my older 'jams'.
If you dislike someone be upfront, not cute and childish, if you fuxs with me be 100.. Why run around?
Giving my sincere but you want me to be fake... Ahh.. Not here to please no one, but live out what I feel is a purpose..
Sites, Organizations / Businesses.. New Age, diss me but obviously it is true, when I inspire your decisions, plans.. Deny it, but all this attention and nothing? I am just happy not to get credit, God is the witness. I need no praise or legacy.. I would rather not have any attention but simple comforting attention. Totally not an attention seeker, introvert but still a FireFlower (also you can bide that, but my metaphysical meaning is true, and authentic
)
Just do it naturally..
Do not fake the funk on a nasty dunk!
I felt somone today was thinking, why are we looking towards this person, it is all on the internet..
Especially for women/ladies/young ladies/whatever titles that are appropriate, who honestly do not respect me.. In many ways, diluted in reasoning and fabricated as well as 'hidden'.. When I came to terms with my gender at a young age, and again in my later teens, it was never sexual.. I am not immitating anyone, if anything I have always thought about my own style, never in mens clothing.. I can die never having sex again, until some gentleman, in a scenerio (sp) with a natural flow, and good vibes ... his character his own.. I have 'no type'.. aha but always has been true.. Funny until a song comes out, then people apply it or believe it.. No race, career choice.. Just the 'aura'.. Maybe we are both savants in our own way, maybe he has no clue..
I have alot to work on... Transition wise and I feel uber masculine but that is a good thing right?? I can identify!!
Just got laser today, and all else I would have is SRS.. Ugh.. No it will never be to 'par' but then again no comparison, AT ALL! Not that others who have more done surgically etc are anything less, but for me.. A few more sessions, already paid for
got a nice deal... and that one last thing, and pow!
Life looks up.. Any discrimination I face, obvious or hidden is what it is.. UGh, it gives me fire.. Some give you the hurt to actually help others act like they want to 'help', and others are just plain bitter towards you..
They tried to take my identity from me, even to attempt to throw apsects of soul searching as all that I am.. I tried to dye my hair metallic silver, came out super saiyan blonde, and all of the sudden I am hiding from myself..
Giiiirls, getcho money!! - Ciara.. but not like that, but improve =) be more than the standards, the billboards you see, no matter how much you match them, even if that is your career choice, let it be an aspect.. be more than the empty compliments people throw out to persuade (sp) your emotions or psyche.. do not have to feel the need to always prove yourself.. you have always been enough.. Gosh could go on an all sweet poem, but you get my flow, hopefully.. Because one moment they hate you, next they despise you.. Then the ugly comes out and you wonder where was that devilish monster hiding the whole time, but truth, it was probably never gone..
Enough, great day.. Do not expect the best but will make due with what comes.. True Gold, True Sun.
I am so sensitive, lame, witty and simply complex, and its fine =}
How you make me feel, not what you give me..
I wish today it will rain all day
Maybe that will kinda make the pain go away
Trying to forgive you for abandoning me
Praying but I think I'm still an angel away
Angel away, yeah strange in a way
Maybe that is why I chase strangers away
They got their guns out aiming at me
But I become Neo when they aiming at me
Me, me, me against them
Me against enemies, me against friends
Somehow they both seem to become one
A sea full of sharks and they all smell blood
They start coming and I start rising
Must be surprising, I'm just surmising
I win, thrive, soar, higher, higher, higher, more fire!
