Im going back to the States in 6 months (couldnt find a doctor who could prescribe hormones here)... and so I guess I feel like Im dead every day. Its like post-suicide, were you want to die, but you force yourself to live.
I wont be alive until Im a woman and in a job I enjoy.... those 2 factors are keeping me trap. I wouldnt hate being a female in my job... but Im held to the unheard male standard.... be confident, alpha, and then hide my feminine fiber. Yeah, its not my job... its the world. You know how sick and tired I am playing this charade? i rather be in debt for 20 yrs to get rid of my manhood.... its not even for guys, its for me.
A few days ago, a guy refer to me as a girl... like that even bothers me because Im not loud enough (in the army you got to lead a group of people at times calling out commands). He didnt say it meanly though and it actually felt good.
I need some motivation... because I feel like Im going to binge and waste time wallowing in my depression.
