Im going back to the States in 6 months (couldnt find a doctor who could prescribe hormones here)... and so I guess I feel like Im dead every day. Its like post-suicide, were you want to die, but you force yourself to live.

I wont be alive until Im a woman and in a job I enjoy.... those 2 factors are keeping me trap. I wouldnt hate being a female in my job... but Im held to the unheard male standard.... be confident, alpha, and then hide my feminine fiber. Yeah, its not my job... its the world. You know how sick and tired I am playing this charade? i rather be in debt for 20 yrs to get rid of my manhood....  its not even for guys, its for me.

A few days ago, a guy refer to me as a girl... like that even bothers me because Im not loud enough (in the army you got to lead a group of people at times calling out commands).  He didnt say it meanly though and it actually felt good.

I need some motivation... because I feel like Im going to binge and waste time wallowing in my depression.

I know its not easy and it sucks that you have to wait 6 months before you can see a doctor... I get the impression from your post that you are active duty (I'm not sure what your job is) and if you are I know how the pressure is to fit the male mold and its never easy when you want to be something else.  I never thought about transitioning while I was in but looking back I think that if I had I would try to set myself up as best I could for when I could actually start. 

If your not already doing it get your body ready for HRT (loose weight, transition to high rep low weight lifting and cardio workouts to thin out your muscles) and take care of yourself (get the minor stuff fixed like moles removed, get any acne treated, moisturize your skin, have hair removed) that way your body will be in the best condition possible when you actually start HRT... think of it as your pre HRT preparation and when you start to feel down about not being on HRT get back out there and get to work on your HRT prep.

Quote from: Emily E on April 26, 2015, 08:23:54 AM
I know its not easy and it sucks that you have to wait 6 months before you can see a doctor... I get the impression from your post that you are active duty (I'm not sure what your job is) and if you are I know how the pressure is to fit the male mold and its never easy when you want to be something else.  I never thought about transitioning while I was in but looking back I think that if I had I would try to set myself up as best I could for when I could actually start. 

If your not already doing it get your body ready for HRT (loose weight, transition to high rep low weight lifting and cardio workouts to thin out your muscles) and take care of yourself (get the minor stuff fixed like moles removed, get any acne treated, moisturize your skin, have hair removed) that way your body will be in the best condition possible when you actually start HRT... think of it as your pre HRT preparation and when you start to feel down about not being on HRT get back out there and get to work on your HRT prep.

My mind is blown by your post.... I never thought about the minor details besides FFS and hrt.

Its the minor stuff that will really help you look your best and help your HRT and FFS treatments be more effective at helping you pass as a women (voice, hair and mannerisms will also have an effect but you wont be able to do a lot about those right now... you cold practice sitting, standing and walking like a women when your alone)

Think of it this way you want to build a really nice house for yourself (your body) you will want a good foundation and frame (muscles and fat) and put a good looking siding on it that isn't all scratched and broken (your skin) then you want to trim and remove the weeds around the house (your extra hair) then when you fix up and put the new/correct front facade on it (your FFS) and put in the new Heating system (your HRT) it will look like and be the kind of home anyone would want to visit or live in.

Concerning voice, here was a thread:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=184812.0

Many say voice is amongst of the hardest things to do .

You might practise where no one can hear you
And stop if you feel your voice being strained, or coarse.

hugs