Tired of of being trans

[antonia]

Perhaps I'm just in the odd place, the point in between where I honestly can't complain but at the same time I'm tired, today I had the first misgendering in more than a month, I'd been out cycling and wasn't wearing any makeup and a Starbucks barrista called me Antonio and wrote it on my cup.

It's not that I can't deal with it but I've been dealing with so much local transgender infighting and general unpleasantness that I just feel like going stealth, start using my middle name and disappear, we are our own worst enemies.

[Ms Grace]

I'm sorry you were misgendered, I know it hurts something bad but remember genetic women are misgendered too and errors, typos and slip ups happen on all sides. I think it is fair to say that some people are their own worst enemies, but not all trans people are. The problem is replicated whenever you have any group of people with similar issues, beliefs, concerns. Best to avoid the toxic stuff altogether and find support where you can. Hope you feel happier soon.

[Obfuskatie]

No matter how well I pass, I'm always going to identify as trans. I just don't think about it all the time. Except of course, when I go home to where people knew my male doppelgänger. But because I love my mom I don't make a big deal about it when she misgenders me, I just point it out when she doesn't correct herself. I've found that you can respond by rolling your eyes and gently correcting people and they will be the ones embarrassed. It doesn't always have to be a big deal or trans thing, people usually just make assumptions. If you had corrected the barista, you could have ameliorated any embarrassment on her part by telling her, "it's fine, I'm not wearing my face today anyways." And then laugh. Life is too short to assume maliciousness.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[katrinaw]

hugs Antonia, it must be very upsetting for you

Own worst enemies? well maybe, but its more about us being sensitive and caring, we are very careful ourselves in how we address and acknowledge others, so we are extra sensitive when others miss gender us.

Please try not to let it bring you down... it would not have been on purpose, and remember "what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger" 

L Katy xoxoxo

[stephaniec]

It can feel quite painful

[kelly_aus]

->-bleeped-<-, Tumblr and Imgur are full of pics of badly mixed up names on things at coffee places, Starbucks seems to be the worst..

Whilst it's a medical reality that I'm trans, I no longer really see myself as trans.. I'm just a woman getting on with her life.

[Cindy]

Ye mispronouns, wrong names can grind you down, and of course cispeople don't seem to care - but is that true?

Yet again I found my old male name creeping up on various areas of my companies IT system - there are so many different areas, folders, sub-folders, permission rights. Today I just had enough.

I phoned the head of IT and told him. I told him I was transgender and I had completed my journey and was sick of seeing my old male name. I told him I didn't expect him to understand how it hurt to see my old male name; a reference to a person who doesn't exist.

He said he did understand and that I had every right to be angry and upset.

Next thing I knew I was cc'd into an email to all IT staff to correct my name. A system analyst called me within minutes. He went through every single folder by VPN changing my name and updating my permissions and profile. He apologised for any hurt I had.

OK just two men who didn't know me, but they understood.

There is hope so never give up.

Oh Starbucks! The place that was told by a customer that his name was Steven with a ph, his cup was marked phteven. You just got to laugh sometimes.

Don't let them grind you down; grind them down.

[antonia]

I think at the core of it I'm more tired of the infighting in our community than anything else, I've been trying to help and  make a difference but I feel like most of it is wasted effort because of internal politics.

On a positive note though I changed all my IDs the other day and now I'm just waiting to get everything in the mail

[Eveline]

... On a positive note though I changed all my IDs the other day and now I'm just waiting to get everything in the mail

Wow, congratulations!

If getting all that ID changed didn't make you tired, nothing will.

[coffeezombie]

Congratulations on the name change, unfortunately, I'm stalled out trying to get my name changed, but my job makes the whole process so hard ( I'm a truck driver an get home once or twice a month )

[antonia]

I basically got all my paperwork in order, took the day off and then did everything in one day, otherwise I'd be stressed out running around after work trying to deal with government officials. In my case it took a whole day and I think every person that serviced me called their supervisor and head office but it all worked out in the end

Congratulations on the name change, unfortunately, I'm stalled out trying to get my name changed, but my job makes the whole process so hard ( I'm a truck driver an get home once or twice a month )

[Rachel]

Congratulations on getting the name change paperwork done.

There is a huge rift forming in the community in Philadelphia. I am keeping out of it. I dislike it to the core.   

[Eveline]

... There is a huge rift forming in the community in Philadelphia. I am keeping out of it. I dislike it to the core. ...

What is the issue causing the rift?