I learned that I have to make what makes me happy. For me, shopping for clothes, is a huge source of stress and sadness. So, I avoid that. Every time friends forced me into shopping, we ended up arguing and I got frustrated. I do not know. Maybe, I have a different perception of things. I am post-op and very happy. That is the best thing I did. However, even post-op, I am at the beginning. I still have a long way to go. I believe that most transsexuals have to be under-weight. We start off with big bones. Whereas genetic women can get away with a few lbs of over weight, on us, it makes us look bigger, bulkier. I do not believe the height is really the issue, unless someone is VERY tall. I don't know, I do not mean to sound arrogant, please believe me. I think ignorance is bliss. I have friends who do not pass and I see people laughing at them or being obnoxious but they, my friends, just don't notice. Are they happier than me? It looks like they are, but, if you look closer, they take drugs to numb the pain. They only gravitate around trans circles and do not have jobs. Again, I am not generalizing, I am just comparing my experience to theirs. It is normal.
As for the 'mones, I think they don't do sh*t. Sorry if I sound round, that is not my intention. I have seen people who started hormones at 13 and they are still grossly masculine. By contrast, people who started them after 38 years and they look feminine. It's a matter of luck, but, in our community, hormones are over-rated. I hear all the time ts-women saying who the 'mones made them womanly, softer (they say "softer" with a lisp and mushy pronunciation") and they even show before and after pictures, and I can't say any difference.
The bottom line is that I think that being oblivious is better than being aware. Contrary to popular belief, it is not true that we are our own worst critics. Studies suggest that we tend to over-estimate our attractiveness.
Anyway, I just have to stay away from clothing stores to be happy.
