It seems as if I am the ONLY one who hates, hates, hates shopping for clothes and shoes. Why? The reason, is pretty obvious. Women's clothes were made for women born with women bone structures. Now, someone will say that women come in all different sizes, shapes and colors, but there is a range, which is a feminine range. No matter how thin some of us become, we just have a different bone structure. So, shopping for clothes is the most horrible experience for me. I seem to be the only one, though. My therapist was shocked because she says that women love clothes, fashion, whereas I hate it. I would prefer to work over time, to clean my house, to vacuum the floor, but not to go shopping.

When the summer comes, it's even worse. At least, during the winter, you can camouflage what mother nature did. When the summer comes: forget it.

Did I say how much I hate shopping for clothes?

I love shopping for clothes. I love the style and how you can mix and match to create different styles for many occasions. The part I do hate is finding items long enough for my 6'7" body. In the summer months it's not that bad. I'm curvy in all the right spots and women's clothes fit me well as long as it's long enough. I do have to try nearly everything on. Lane Bryant, Torrid and Long Tall Sally are my go to places but for pants, it's strictly mail order only. Shoes are not too bad between Amazon and Globe Shoes (local to me and they carry up to size 13W.)

The other thing I dislike about shopping is crowds. I prefer to shop when it's not so crowded.

Do you have a Torrid store nearby? they specialize in women's sizes 12 to 28. I've only bought from their online store. But the fit is good on my 6-foot frame. Also, I don't know if Long Tall Sally has retails stores anywhere near you (they only have three in the U.S. with a fourth coming) But they were highly recommended by a friend of mine from Canada. They also have a web store.

LOL..Sydney

I think we simultaneously posted 

Whaattttt... seriously I used to hate it, now like all women I love it... only problem has been is keeping a reign on spending...

However it does take time to get it right, finding your style etc... not easy shaking off those years of half interestingly buying what was really needed clothing and getting it right now...

My problem is I'm  too short, only 5' 4" at dead straight upright with a body weight of 8Kgs over target size...

hugs it'll all come together

L Katy 

Marly and Sidney, thank you so much for your responses. I appreciate. Sidney, I admire and applaud you for enjoying shopping. My problem is not the height, so much. I am barely 5'9'', which is tall but not so tall for a woman. Plenty of women taller than me. The problem is that my body is ugly, unattractive and masculine. Period. I do admire trans-women who enjoy shopping, but I don't. I have so many characteristics that are grossly manly. The legs, the calves, feet, torax, ribcage... before taking hormones, my body was the one of an attractive, athletic 5'9'' guy. Post hormones, my body is that of an unattractive guy. The hormones basically made me flabby, gave me cellulite and stretch marks but I am still manly.

The two questions I have is 1) why hormones are so over-rated? On me, they just gave me the bads of a womanly body without getting rid of the bads of a male body 2) why is it so hard for therapists to understand my hate for shopping? It does like this: I have gender dysphoria. My dysphoria is still persistent after being POST OP (even though, I am glad I am post-op), hence, I avoid situations where I have to face my ugly, masculine body

Hormones depend on where you start out. I am 5'14" and was 145 pounds when I started hormones. I put on about 20 pounds that went where I wanted it. Over the years, I moved up to 200 pounds which has given me a tummy and a little spare tire so I am on my way back to 170 pounds. The weigh is coming off where I want to get rid of it so that is a good thing. My tall store is gone but I need to update my wardrobe. If I can find what I need, it will be fun. If not, it will not be fun and I will have to dig around on the internet for what I need.

So sorry its not working for you.... hugs

It does take time for the 'mones to work across all fat and muscle masses... I am much older, but It has taken me close to 10 years to make an impact.

My ribcage is a source of issue, as being short the ribcage seems much bigger in proportion to the rest of my body... But to be honest I try not to look to hard and get anxious over it. There is a tendency for E to increase weight.... sorry that you got stretch marks etc...

I know we all get excited over some of the hormone effects, but there's always good with bad.... it does vary incredibly from person to person... I think we love them because it is helping to bridge the gender ID gap.

Oh and I still get anxious looking in the mirror, BTW. I have been learning (hard) to be less critical of my body, face etc... as it would only make me go back to how I was a year or so ago... Also I have spent much more time over the last year observing characteristics, looks, clothing choice etc. of CIS women without being too obvious, and guess what I am not that different really.... with a little practice.

L Katy 

Clothes shopping is not easy, you definitely need to experiment, look for online sales, so much easier and costs less if it stuffs up. Sorry about my quirkiness in earlier post...

I learned that I have to make what makes me happy. For me, shopping for clothes, is a huge source of stress and sadness. So, I avoid that. Every time friends forced me into shopping, we ended up arguing and I got frustrated. I do not know. Maybe, I have a different perception of things. I am post-op and very happy. That is the best thing I did. However, even post-op, I am at the beginning. I still have a long way to go. I believe that most transsexuals have to be under-weight. We start off with big bones. Whereas genetic women can get away with a few lbs of over weight, on us, it makes us look bigger, bulkier. I do not believe the height is really the issue, unless someone is VERY tall. I don't know, I do not mean to sound arrogant, please believe me. I think ignorance is bliss. I have friends who do not pass and I see people laughing at them or being obnoxious but they, my friends, just don't notice. Are they happier than me? It looks like they are, but, if you look closer, they take drugs to numb the pain. They only gravitate around trans circles and do not have jobs. Again, I am not generalizing, I am just comparing my experience to theirs. It is normal.

As for the 'mones, I think they don't do sh*t. Sorry if I sound round, that is not my intention. I have seen people who started hormones at 13 and they are still grossly masculine. By contrast, people who started them after 38 years and they look feminine. It's a matter of luck, but, in our community, hormones are over-rated. I hear all the time ts-women saying who the 'mones made them womanly, softer (they say "softer" with a lisp and mushy pronunciation") and they even show before and after pictures, and I can't say any difference.

The bottom line is that I think that being oblivious is better than being aware. Contrary to popular belief, it is not true that we are our own worst critics. Studies suggest that we tend to over-estimate our attractiveness.

Anyway, I just have to stay away from clothing stores to be happy.

Quote from: teresita on June 02, 2015, 11:07:04 PM
.....The problem is that my body is ugly, unattractive and masculine. Period. I do admire trans-women who enjoy shopping, but I don't. I have so many characteristics that are grossly manly. The legs, the calves, feet, torax, ribcage... before taking hormones, my body was the one of an attractive, athletic 5'9'' guy. Post hormones, my body is that of an unattractive guy. The hormones basically made me flabby, gave me cellulite and stretch marks but I am still manly.

The two questions I have is 1) why hormones are so over-rated? On me, they just gave me the bads of a womanly body without getting rid of the bads of a male body 2) why is it so hard for therapists to understand my hate for shopping? It does like this: I have gender dysphoria. My dysphoria is still persistent after being POST OP (even though, I am glad I am post-op), hence, I avoid situations where I have to face my ugly, masculine body

I don't know how long you've been on HRT, but for most it does make a huge difference. There are exceptions of course. You may just need to give it more time.

My wife hates shopping with a passion unless it's for something technical. (She prefers tech to jewelry and clothes, LOL) A few weeks ago I took her shopping because she needed some clothes for her mom's memorial service the following week. She was reluctant to go, but was happy afterwards that she had something nice to wear. Some cis-woman are just not into shopping so it's not a big deal. I hope your therapist isn't the type of person who says a woman (trans or cis) has to be or dress a certain way.

BTW, it's Sydney with a "Y" 

Hi Sydney, sorry for misspelling your name. I am glad you pointed that out. Yes, my therapist, and the previous one, and the previous one too, cannot get their heads wrapped around the fact that I HATE shopping with all my heart. I have been on hormones for 5 years. I did notice changes: cellulite, stretch marks, flabbiness, lack of energy, less concentration. So, all bad things. I think my problems are mostly bone structure. So, until I resect my ribs and do a lipo in certain areas, I will be a bulky person. Either way, I guess I am the ONLY transsexual in the world who hates shopping. Also, people tell me to accept myself. They are good hearted but if I had been REALLY able to accept myself, I would have accepted myself as a male.

In my previous life clothes shopping was an in-and-out experience, to be done as quickly as possible - get new jeans or a button down shirt or brown/black shoes and get out as quickly as possible. It was sheer drudgery.

Now I greatly enjoy shopping and can spend endless time doing it.

My body is not that feminine shaped - I am pear shaped and I wear a size 16 dress. I weigh almost 190 lbs on a 5'8" frame.

Since it's the only body I have I have had to learn the styles that look good on me and the styles that don't. Like anything in life you have to buckle down and study the problem and find the solutions. I'd suggest that you look at other women when you are out and about and notice the ones that have builds similar to your own - do you like how they look? If so, study what they are wearing, and try to figure out why it looks good on them. Do the same for the ones that don't look attractive to you to help you learn the difference. In time you'll be able to identify clothing that looks good on you and you will be able to put together a fantastic wardrobe.

After 22 years on HRT my body looks like a woman's when I look at myself in the mirror with my clothes off (provided I keep wart covered up).  I used to be a heavy truck mechanic so I had muscle to die for, but as time as gone on change has happened and my body has grown itself to be all I could want (apart from wart).  So I can tell you that change will happen, though it might take some time.

I can remember the difficulty of trying to find clothes to fit, which wasn't helped at all by me not really knowing what styles of clothing suited me best.  I dress mostly unisex femme these days, but occasionally will dress up a bit more posh.  Shopping for clothes, - oh yeah sister!  I'm a woman of slender means so mostly I shop for clothes at the church thrift shops or the Sallys here in town, but fortunately the three shops we have here in town are very well run and everything is presented just like it would be in a mainstreet clothes shop.
The farming district where I live was originally settled by Norwegian colonists so a lot of the women around here are TALL and have the build of Norse warrior maidens which means that second hand clothing in my size is easy to find.

As Sydney and Marly have said on-line shopping can be your friend though if you can't find what you need locally.  I can't really suggest any on-line stores for you though as I live in New Zealand.

It sounds to me like you have some issues with body dysmorphia to go along with the gender dysphoria. It's something I've struggled with as well. I get around my body image issues by only picking out clothes that aren't very close-fitting, and favoring low necklines that draw attention away from the frame of my shoulders.
Avoiding cap sleeves, anything strappy or with embellished shoulders and you'll be fine. Shoulder pads are "in" again, you can always buy something with shoulderpads, and remove the pad. My mom has the same wide shoulders as I do and did the same in the 80s.
Cis-women do have all sorts of shapes and sizes, it's one of the reasons there are so many different styles to accentuate parts and deemphasize others.
Avoid skinny jeans, and make sure your dresses and skirts flare out above or below the knee or are A-line to make up for thinner hips. Clothing can be overwhelming, but if you go with someone who is supportive and understanding of your anxieties, it can be mitigated. I used to hate shopping, but my mom helped me get over it. And I've recently been having fun albeit with some frustration  finding something I like that fits well.
Hormones aren't a miracle cure, nor are they for everybody. If they cause undesirable side effects, you may be taking too much or too little. With a doctor's care, you can adjust your dose as needed. Remember, too much estrogen gets turned into testosterone in our bodies and vice versa. Our body regulates our hormone levels automatically, but finding the Goldilocks Zone for your hormone levels can take a significant amount of time.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I hate it a bit too... First of all, whenever I enter female section, I become puzzled and stunned (literally) of the variety of styles and the idea which comes to my mind is "I will never ever figure this all out". I usually end up with trying on a pair of jeans or denim jacket, become frustrated with my waistline, decide that there is hardly any point in doing this until I loose ~10-20 pounds in right places and head off to the children section (and leave the shop having spent ~ 60-70 EUR on kid stuff - at least I can see and figure out how this or that would look on my daughter). Yeah, I kinda like the process - looking at stuff, but not touching - because being overweight and with male bone structure kinda sucks.

It's the cost I don't like because it can add up so darn quickly, but despite that I still love to shop for clothes. One thing to remember is even CIS woman have difficulty shopping for clothes sometimes and trying them on whenever possible really is the best policy to make sure they fit right. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on June 03, 2015, 01:27:28 AM
I hate it a bit too... First of all, whenever I enter female section, I become puzzled and stunned (literally) of the variety of styles and the idea which comes to my mind is "I will never ever figure this all out". I usually end up with trying on a pair of jeans or denim jacket, become frustrated with my waistline, decide that there is hardly any point in doing this until I loose ~10-20 pounds in right places and head off to the children section (and leave the shop having spent ~ 60-70 EUR on kid stuff - at least I can see and figure out how this or that would look on my daughter). Yeah, I kinda like the process - looking at stuff, but not touching - because being overweight and with male bone structure kinda sucks.

The experience you described is pretty normal for a lot of women. Remember we're catching up and have to learn what looks good over time. Finding the styles you like and those that suit your figure is something you do all your life. All my girlfriends have gone through many different stages of this, most have gotten frustrated by body shaming propaganda, and settled on tshirts and jeans. Cis women just started earlier and have had more time for their fashion sense to evolve.
Although if you've watched What Not To Wear with Stacy and Clinton like me, you know that being cis doesn't mean they automatically make good choices. They usually are overwhelmed and opt out of fashion trends. It seems pretty ubiquitous as part of the female experience.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My problem is not having the kind of money I need to fulfill my shopping fantasy.

I like shopping for clothes and shoes but have very particular tastes. I'm going for a certain look and most things don't seem right to me. But this makes those good finds that much better.

I'd suggest you concentrate on the parts of your body you like...
and expand on that feeling...
otherwise its like a gardener watering weeds...

you might give second hand shops a try.
Often there are pieces there you would have not thought of... in nice colours and styles...
and it may be possible to take one or two items more...


hugs