Need some advice...

[CourtneyAngelina]

I have been waiting to transition for such a long time and I've reached the point where I'm just going to drop everything and do it. For the past few months I've had therapy sessions with an online therapist and I've finally got my letter for hormones. (still waiting for her to write it, but she should have it for me within a week or so)

I live in the Midwest and really don't have anything going for me here. I live in the basement of my grandmothers house along with my mother who is a drunk. The more time I spend here the more time I'm wasting because there is literally no upside of staying other than keeping my family happy. They wont be supportive of my transition so I need to move out. My hopes are to move far away from where I am now, my goal being to begin a new life in/near one of the major cities on the west coast (LA, SF, Portland, Seattle).

There are some plus sides and some down sides to my current situation, I'll list them as follows:

+ I have quite a bit of money (five figures) combined from my saving these past few years and a legal settlement.
+ I'm youngish, so it is likely hormones will work well on me.
+ I have a decent resume for a teenager so I shouldn't have trouble finding a job (minimum wage probably, but still a job)

- I have no college edcuation
- I don't really know a whole lot about "being a girl" (clothing, makeup, hair, etc), so I probably won't pass or anything for quite a while
- I'm pretty antisocial, I don't like being judged. (good luck with not being judged for being trans, I know... )
- Wherever I move to I won't have any connections (not that I really have any here... )
- Upon arrival, I would be unemployed. I highly doubt a landlord would rent an apartment to me even if I could pay the entire lease on day one.
- Family won't understand why I left. (too bad I guess, no avoiding this one)
- Finding a transfriendly (preferably trans as well) roommate will be difficult. Not to mention my being extremely antisocial.

I just want to know how survive, really. Entering the adult world with no one really to help you through it can really cause a lot of stress and confusion, pile that on top of being trans, and you have a real train-wreck waiting to happen if not managed properly. I'm not sure I've really proposed a direct question, as I'm really not sure what to ask. My main concern is just finding a place to stay I guess. I don't now if it's possible to have a place waiting for me when I get there or if I'm supposed to spend a week or so in a motel while I find a place? I have enough to afford a place but who would rent to some unemployed transgender stranger from across the country?

I want to go back to school too, but I really would like to begin transition first so I can sort of get a grip on the social/mental aspect of transition. Otherwise I feel like my studies will suffer severely. I'll probably start applications for universities this November/December so I can get in the 2016-2017 school year. That'll put me about a year into transition before school starts so I would hope to have a good head on my shoulders by then.

I could do a job training program or something too, if the class didn't take more than 3 - 6 months. But I'm not sure what I'd want to do. I was considering an EMT or something like that but I don't even know if I'd be good at it, or if I'd like it, or if I could even find an actual job as an EMT. So a certificate program like that would be unlikely unless I was fairly certain there would be a job waiting for me when I finished my courses.

I think I've rambled long enough. Thanks to anyone who read all that. If you have any ideas, advice, concerns, etc, please feel free to let me know below. I'd really appreciate some advice on how to get my life going, I'm so tired of being stuck in one place, never going forward.

[sam1234]

You might want to consider going through your transition where you are now, even if you have to stay in one of those rent by the week motels. That way, once you move, unless you tell someone, no one will know you are a transgender.

Depending on your personality, the stress and name calling that may have occurred in school can certainly make you antisocial. I was a ghost all through middle and high school. I continued to be one after I graduated until I transitioned at 26. It was night and day. Before the transition, I rarely spoke, never smiled and had a job where I could be away from people. After I transitioned, I went back to school, finished an under graduate degree and then a graduate degree.

Another reason for staying while you transition is that you have a therapist who you get along with here, and as you go through transition, you will have questions and need help working out some issues. Once you start HRT, you will have some changes that may allow you to pass until you finish all the transition you feel you need. If you dress and act like the gender you identify with, most people won't question it. If you have no one to teach you how to put on makeup or how to dress, some of the women on the forum can probably help, and you can also look up techniques online.

Once you transition, you don't have to tell anyone unless you get into a relationship or telling your physician. That part is up to you. Once you have transitioned, try not to rush into things you think are part of being normal. I speak from experience on that. In trying to be normal and have a family, I wound up marrying the wrong girl and it ended badly. Take your time.

sam1234

[ChiGirl]

You said you're in the Midwest.  Chicago has a very active and friendly trans community.  The Howard Brown Center in the city has all the resources you'll need to get started. 

Good luck and hugs!

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

[CourtneyAngelina]

You might want to consider going through your transition where you are now, even if you have to stay in one of those rent by the week motels. That way, once you move, unless you tell someone, no one will know you are a transgender.

Depending on your personality, the stress and name calling that may have occurred in school can certainly make you antisocial. I was a ghost all through middle and high school. I continued to be one after I graduated until I transitioned at 26. It was night and day. Before the transition, I rarely spoke, never smiled and had a job where I could be away from people. After I transitioned, I went back to school, finished an under graduate degree and then a graduate degree.

Another reason for staying while you transition is that you have a therapist who you get along with here, and as you go through transition, you will have questions and need help working out some issues. Once you start HRT, you will have some changes that may allow you to pass until you finish all the transition you feel you need. If you dress and act like the gender you identify with, most people won't question it. If you have no one to teach you how to put on makeup or how to dress, some of the women on the forum can probably help, and you can also look up techniques online.

Once you transition, you don't have to tell anyone unless you get into a relationship or telling your physician. That part is up to you. Once you have transitioned, try not to rush into things you think are part of being normal. I speak from experience on that. In trying to be normal and have a family, I wound up marrying the wrong girl and it ended badly. Take your time.

sam1234

Thanks for the reply. I think if I'm going to use one of those rent by the week motels I will at least get out of my town and into a more LGBT friendly area so I could find employment.

I was a complete ghost in middle school and high school, I even managed to avoid being in my school yearbook my last two years of school. I'm sure I will have a greatly improved social life once I live as female.

I did Skype sessions with my Therapist because I didn't have a car, so I could talk to her from anywhere and it wouldn't be a problem.

I appreciate the advice, especially about not rushing into things to fit in and be "normal". It's easy to do and I could definitely see myself losing a bit of myself in order to fit in, if I'm not careful.

My main concern is really just the first few months which will be super difficult because I'll pretty much be a brand new person in a brand new environment. I can eat into my savings in order to make it through that, but I want to make sure I find the best situation I can. I want to find the balance between having a stable home and saving money, that way I have enough to cover all my surgeries.

You said you're in the Midwest.  Chicago has a very active and friendly trans community.  The Howard Brown Center in the city has all the resources you'll need to get started. 

Good luck and hugs!

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

Thanks for the reply. I'll be honest I never really considered Chicago, but I'll definitely look into it. It is after all one of the largest cities in the nation, there may be opportunities for me there. Thanks

[CourtneyAngelina]

Going to bump this topic just in case anyone else has some advice, really trying to figure this all out before July/August rolls around.

[Sam Alexei]

LA and Portland are both very lgbt friendly. I live in LA however, so the bulk of my knowledge is about here.
The LA LGBT center takes in homeless LGBT youth and has resources for finding a job and getting on your feet. Best of luck!!! Let me know if you have any questions about LA or California in general.
http://www.lalgbtcenter.org/youth_center