My SO and I are at a crossroad

[warlockmaker]

My SO who showed such support some two years ago has been asking me to delay my transition. I have told her I cannot. She then raises the damage to our 14 year old daughter which I understand but I cannot wait, the therapist says that she is much stronger and supportive than my SO thinks. I'm over 60 plus and I have waited my whole life. Then she says don't come to the Villa in Phuket where she lives with my daughter, as a female. I own the Villa.

Seems like she wants to accept me only when I'm not in her space. Maybe too much fighting, hurt and negativity when we were a couple. She does not see the new me but she knows now she can be abusive with me. I do love her but I know I cannot have this negativity with surgery coming up in January.

The best made plans of mice and men.....

[suzifrommd]

Hugs, WM. This is the toughest thing I had to go through as part of my transition. I can understand your SO's position. Things are moving quickly, and she's trying to assert some control. She can't and shouldn't control whether you transition, but she hasn't realized that yet.

Transitioning will not damage your daughter (though if your SO uses her as a pawn against you, that might). Trying to keep you away from her is more of a power play.

I agree with you that your transition shouldn't be put on hold for your SO or your daughter. No human has the right to ask another to be someone they're not.

And you're right not to put up with abuse. No one deserves that.

[ChiGirl]

Hugs.  I sympathize so much with your situation.  You will get through it, as will I.  Just remember you are not alone in this. 

I agree with Suzi.  This is your transition.  Yes, it affects your family, but it sounds like you are considering their feelings.  But she doesn't have the right to control the pace or the conditions of your transition. 

Good luck and hugs!


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[iKate]

Hi warlockmaster,

I feel for you and your wife. What "damage" is she referring to with your kid though? The only "damage" is if your wife makes it an issue.

I have 3 four year olds and they love me to pieces. My wife absolutely hates the fact that I'm transitioning but their love and affection for me hasn't changed one iota.

[warlockmaker]

I need to clarify our relationship. We are separated and had a bitter split up some 5 years ago. When I first told her I was a TG, over 2 years ago,  she embraced this. So we became close again. It's important to add that I come from a very wealthy Eurasian family in Asia. She was a top international french model when we married.

Now that I'm on the home stretch she does not want me to be a female in her space. I feel that that she is embarrassed and that the initial lip service was only that.

Plus she has repeatedly tries to delay my transition citing my daughter whom I love dearly. Sometimes just too much hurt,anger for her to see I have changed.

I live in my home city and was visiting to hopefully get her to understand. I now accept that too much sad history  between us.

We agreed to tell my 14 year old in December. But I will not come to our Villa anymore when i transituon fully. I've been throwing away all my clothes etc here. It's sad but I cannot have negativity going forward.