Quote from: Petti on July 17, 2015, 02:37:10 AM
My nasty facial hair, 6' tall body, size 14 women's shoe, 21" shoulders, adams apple, brow ridge, ugly ass tattoos and deep voice.
I'll never bleed, I'll never grow moist when a man caresses me and if I got the surgery I am destined to eternal dilation and pill popping and most men would never want to go down on me or make love to me because they'll say that was vagina once a penis now inverted and shoved into my abdomen.
Yes some cis women are tall, yes some cannot bear children, yes some do not grow moist enough to really make it count at least), yes some have big feet and hands, yes some have no ovaries, yes some have adams apples, yes some have big heads and brow bossing, but I HAVE ALL THAT! Hairballs may grow inside my vagina? This truly, truly makes me cry.
Here I am in my 30s (so past prime transition time, let's be really real) without a penny to my name living in my parent's house. What the hell am I to do?! I have no uterus and I never will. A child will never grow inside me!
I had a friend online who knows my condition and I asked her to do me a favor. I asked her to get me pics of 10 of the "best" neovaginas she could find and 10 "cis" vaginas to see if I could spot the neovag. On all but one I spotted the neovagina and in short order too. This makes me SAD SAD SAD.
When I die and if in a thousand years some archeologist digs me they would analyze my bones and say "and this was a male human."
Hi! Many of us can really relate to how you feel now. But, in spite of feeling that our transition attempt would probably be an utter failure, we still went through it, expecting that achieving something is always better than nothing.
But let me first ask a simple question. If you hate so much looking like a man physically, what would you prefer, to just complain about it and keep looking like that the rest of your life, OR AT LEAST TRY and feminize your body as much as it would realistically be possible? BTW being in your 30's is still a GREAT age to start transitioning.
I'll make it even easier for you, assuming you really look as male as it gets at the moment, and you hate that with all your heart: what would you prefer, looking 100% male, as you seem to feel right now, OR:
Let's say 99% male, 1% female, when you just start transition?
and then, after time and much effort doing lots of different stuff most of us have had to go through, maybe changing that into 90% male, 10% female, maybe after a few months?
and then 20% female, probably after a year or so
and then 30% a few years later, and so on (this being purely by HRT and some physical exercises such as aerobic dance, etc.)
until maybe you can get to 50/50 and if you keep at it for years and years, maybe even start moving your physical looks towards the feminine side?
But if you are one of those all-or-nothing 100%-or-0% kinds of unrealistic people, please do disregard what I'll write next. But I am sure many others will appreciate it though.
I will address your list of issues, which BTW are almost the very same as mine were, before I decided to transition. All I was expecting BTW was just developing a bit of breasts, hips and having a less masculine face. I never even fathomed transitioning socially and ever being called "miss" or "ma'am" by most people. I mean anybody other than my very judgmental and transphobic relatives who will never ever see me other than their "son" or "brother" (bummer, but it's their loss, not mine).
BTW I was a bodybuilder all my teenage years, until about 21-22 years old, and I mean a TOP LEVEL one at it. Yet believe it or not, today, after six years of HRT, orchi, trachea shave, lots of exercise for my hips, even facial exercises and many, many other things I have done, I have managed to acquire an approaching-hourglass figure, even though I still have a relatively large upper body. I would say my body may be probably 55/45 or 60/40 fem/manly looking now, but it was 100% manly, even big and muscular when I was 22. So to me, that is a great achievement! Face wise I would say I may be around 70/30 now, yet before HRT and stuff, I was maybe 10/90 fem/male, and this is only because of my eyes and smile, which are the same as before and were not really so masculine compared to all my other facial features.
So let's see, point by point:
=Nasty Facial Hair=I had that too, 100% manly. Most of it medium-brown hairs all over my face, about 70% of it, the other 30% or so, has always been fair, colorless hairs, since I was a post-pubescent teenager. A combined herculean effort (12 laser sessions BEFORE HRT, year and a half sessions of facial waxing, three failed IPL sessions, and, more recently, 14 IPL sessions), got rid of most of those 70% of non-colorless facial hairs. IT WASN'T EASY AT ALL and my cosmetologist and I had to run the extra mile to achieve that in the end. I know I still have the 30% nasty colorless hairs, but believe me, when I shave my face and simply use a bit of powder foundation, my face looks like that of any cis woman, for about three days, then the 4th day the colorless hairs are evident. But I have been able to "pass" even the 5th day. Bottom line, YOU CAN GET RID OF ENOUGH OF YOUR FACIAL HAIR, EVEN WITHOUT ELECTROLYSIS, to be able to pass, facial-hair wise.
=6' tall body=Well, who knew? I am exactly that tall as well. The average man where I live is about 5'6" and the average woman is about 5'2" or even shorter. But guess what? I pass most of the time. The only days when I have some trouble passing are when I neglect wearing a bit of makeup, or have a really bad hair and face day. Many girls on here are taller than me, I mean even a few inches taller and they pass 100% fine. The height screws you over only if everything else, that is, the way you dress, wear your hair or wig and talk screams androgynous or male. Also, look up "Anterior Pelvic Tilt" on Google images or elsewhere. Just doing this simple thing can make your body look more feminine while making you lose one or two inches in height. I use this when I am standing up in line at the bank or elsewhere, to look less tall and more feminine.
=size 14 women's shoe=I don't like my feet and hand size either. So what I do is simply not attract attention to those areas. I wear comfy women's loafers, or regular female sneakers like pink Nikes, instead of pretty sandals that would attract attention to my feet. Same for my hands, I don't wear pretty rings or nail polish, so I don't attract any attention there. If I wear any rings, they would be feminine but very modest. A simple general rule is: emphasize only your best areas, to attract attention to them. In my case, my eyes and lips is what I emphasize, as well as my legs and hips with super-tight jeans. I make use of my smile whenever needed to distract attention from my flaws. It's difficult to do all this at first but you start getting more confident as you see some people start treating you differently!
=21" shoulders=I have never even measured my shoulder width. I know I wear women's XL tops, so that's enough for me. And my trapeze muscles are still too large, a cis woman rarely develops them like that. What I do is the same as the previous issue. I minimize its appearance. I wear loose-shoulder stuff and darker colors. Something that helps A LOT to make your shoulders appear much narrower, is simply throwing your shoulders back whule sticking your chest out, as much as you can, without looking forced or silly. Think of making your elbows almost touch your sides, that is, your ribs. The closer you get your elbows to your waist area, the narrower your shoulders will look. There is also padded stuff to wear under your clothes, that helps your hips look wider and compensate for very broad shoulders. Cis women use this stuff, so trans women are encouraged to use it as well, why not?
=adams apple=Mine was HUGE. I went through a whole 14 months of HRT with that thing still in me, until I had it removed the same day as I finally had my orchi. I maxed out my credit card for these surgeries, and believe me, this was my best spent money ever!!! In fact, the surgeon only charged me for the orchi and added a small fee for the t-shave, for assistant and anesthesiologist fees, but his work was free of charge for me, because he really sympathized with my problem. IMHO, the Adam's Apple, when it is evidently male-looking, is a HUGE issue for passing. In fact, before having it removed, I don't think I had ever been called miss or ma'am before, but as soon as I had it removed, this thing started happening more and more frequently. If yours is real big as mine was, I'd definitely put it on the list before everything else. It may save you from enduring a bunch of miserable months on HRT like I did, where just having that thing there prevented me from even trying to pass as a female for the world.
=brow ridge=I still have that thing as well. It is NOT EASY finding a good surgeon for that, and it is very expensive surgery when you do find a capable one, specially if you have to travel abroad. So for now, I just cover it the best I can with my own hair, and, as stated before, I emphasize my eyes and lips and cheeks so people don't notice that issue. Also, there are some cis women that do have that. It is a small minority but they do exist nonetheless. So again. if you emphasize your positives, and wear a fringe or something to cover the issue, I am sure almost nobody will even notice such issue.
=ugly ass tattoos=Unless you have them all over your face, you can go perfectly through life presenting as a woman without anybody ever noticing them. So you can go slowly at removing them or replacing them with feminine-looking ones as your transition goes on. In the meantime, simply avoid wearing sleeveless stuff or anything that showcases the areas where you have them. I always cover my legs and arms with tight jeans and jackets and I can still pass fine. IMHO, if your face including hairdo and voice passes, even if just barely, that is enough if you don't draw attention to your flaws deliberately.
=deep voice=The voice has been one of the toughest issues for me. But even the lowest-pitched male voice has the capability to be trained to sound feminine. If you start training the voice, and really listening to ALL KINDS of female voices, you will realize that it is NOT the pitch that matters most, but it is rather the resonance. You can speak very low and still, if your sound comes out bright and crispy, with almost no male undertones or overtones in it, and you learn to generate your resonance from your face mask rather than your chest or throat, you will sound feminine even if very low-pitched. There are men who speak way higher in pitch than most women and still sound male because of their resonance (male under and overtones). It takes a lot of practice and patience, and you need to record yourself all the time. But in time it starts working out slowly and, like the Adam's apple removal, it makes A HUGE difference in how people perceive you. I'd say my fem voice may sound like 60/40 fem/male now, but believe me, that's just enough to get by. Trying to sing alto songs from female singers helps a lot as well. You may do like I do, lock yourself in a car in the garage when everybody is asleep or something, and do practice and record yourself away with no shame!
=I'll never bleed, I'll never grow moist when a man caresses me and if I got the surgery I am destined to eternal dilation and pill popping and most men would never want to go down on me or make love to me because they'll say that was vagina once a penis now inverted and shoved into my abdomen.=What exactly do you want to bleed for? I've never ever met a woman who enjoys the physical act of menstruating. I think it's just a cliche, thinking that not having that feature would make you less of a woman.
Now, as far as growing moist I have read that the current most innovative SRS techniques do allow you to do that. Also, a man who really loves you won't even care the least bit about how your vagina came to exist. He will love it as it is, believe me, because it is PART OF YOU and it is YOU who he loves. I am sure you will understand this some day, when you find true love. Also, many of us do present and do pass as women for the world without even having had SRS yet, for many reasons. In my particular case, simply for financial ones (too expensive and where I live, it is not covered by the health system). So I'd tell you this, don't put the cart before the horse! You are already thinking about a vagina and all the issues that come from having such surgery, when that's the icing on the cake for most of us! You need to go through lots and lots of other transition-related stuff before getting to that point, so why worry about it now???
=some cis women are tall, yes some cannot bear children, yes some do not grow moist enough to really make it count at least), yes some have big feet and hands, yes some have no ovaries, yes some have adams apples, yes some have big heads and brow bossing, but I HAVE ALL THAT!=I had all those issues as well, before starting transitioning and HRT. And I still have most of them, except the Adam's apple, and a big head. But guess what? People do call me "miss" or "ma'am" most of the time when they didn't meet me before, or they simply refrain from assigning me a gender, and I don't even dress utterly feminine. And when I take my clothes off to shower, I see the body and face of a being that looks more like a woman than a man. It has taken me six years already, but I am finally starting to get there. And all my body changes have been only through HRT and orchi. No cosmetic surgery at all. I may not look even remotely as hot as many cis women but I DO NOT look like a man either, not even close!
There are tall women everywhere in the world. And you don't have to be able to become pregnant to be perceived and loved as a female. Nor do you have to be able "get moist" either, or have ovaries by any means. Big hands and feet is a tough one, I'll give you that, but as I mentioned before, the trick is simply not to attract attention to either of those areas, and instead purposely drawing attention to your best features.
Now let me mention a few "freebies" for you, that is, what I call "intangibles" or non-stereotypical things that one achieves fron transition/HRT and are really underrated most of the time, but it is super-cool to achieve them!Skin tone and color: In my case, it looks and feels way softer, more delicate, paler. definitely on the feminine side.
Loss of most body hair. Other than the face, armpit and pubic hair, I'd say I've already lost about 80% of my body hair. That is great stuff!
A softer-looking face. Even though I still feel I really need FFS for my forehead and jaw, my cheeks have definitely rounded up a bit, making my face look softer in general, and when I smile, I notice a positive reaction almost 100% of the time, which I didn't get before transition, when living purposely as a so-called guy.
Loss of road-rage issues, anger-at-noisy-neighbors (or their mascots, etc.) issues. Loss of holding grudges for a long time, or wanting to act violently towards beings that I don't like and may be aggressive towards me, such as small pathetic dogs, aggressive swallows protecting their nests, and even nasty bugs like roaches or nasty beings like mice and the likes.
I can empathize way better than before. Specially with other people's suffering and pain, but I can empathize as well with other people's success even if I envy them. These kinds of things were literally impossible for me to experience, when I still had testosterone running through my system.
I can appreciate nature, other beings even if they look nasty in appearance, but I still marvel at their existence. I don't take anything for granted as I did before. I can now appreciate both the qualities of male and female beings, and I enjoy the differences.
Most of all, I feel free to be me. I feel free to buy makeup, nice feminine clothing, without feeling fear of being seen as a weirdo or as a freak. This feeling comes more from one feeling comfortable in one's skin as a female, than whether one really passes as a woman to the world of not. When you have such confidence, people around you, even the biggest transphobic bigots, do sense it and they stop staring or showing discomfort. So the change, at least in my own experience, has to come from inside oneself first, and then it will come from the outer world as a result of one's confidence.
And of course, nothing ever beats developing real (your own) breasts and hips, along with the soft almost-hairless palish skin all over your body, that I already mentioned. When I tell my BF that my breasts and hips are too small and my waist isn't as small as I'd want it to be, or I hate my pot belly, he just says to me "I love it because it is ALL YOURS, that is ALL YOU, I know what you have had to gone through to get that, and the fact that you look like that without any surgery, makes me feel proud of you and makes me love you even more". I know they say love is blind and I tell him repeatedly that he needs to get some new glasses or a new eye doctor, but he still keeps telling me that I am beautiful over and over again. Sorry if this sounds like bragging, it is not, all the opposite, I don't even consider myself an attractive person (physically), but I am sure he can see my soul just as well as I can see his, and he KNOWS 100% that I am a woman in my soul, and my physique is finally starting to slowly, VERY slowly, match that. Even if ONLY ONE person in the world notices this, it is worth living for!
I apologize to everybody for this super-lengthy message. I just wanted to express that even for the most masculine-looking people, there is still hope, but we have to stay optimistic, with the mindset that ANY progress is GOOD progress!
Cheers
Bibi B.
