Quote from: Petti on July 17, 2015, 02:37:10 AM
My nasty facial hair, 6' tall body, size 14 women's shoe, 21" shoulders, adams apple, brow ridge, ugly ass tattoos and deep voice.

I'll never bleed, I'll never grow moist when a man caresses me and if I got the surgery I am destined to eternal dilation and pill popping and most men would never want to go down on me or make love to me because they'll say that was vagina once a penis now inverted and shoved into my abdomen.

Yes some cis women are tall, yes some cannot bear children, yes some do not grow moist enough to really make it count at least), yes some have big feet and hands, yes some have no ovaries, yes some have adams apples, yes some have big heads and brow bossing, but I HAVE ALL THAT! Hairballs may grow inside my vagina? This truly, truly makes me cry.


Here I am in my 30s (so past prime transition time, let's be really real) without a penny to my name living in my parent's house. What the hell am I to do?!  I have no uterus and I never will. A child will never grow inside me!

I had a friend online who knows my condition and I asked her to do me a favor. I asked her to get me pics of 10 of the "best" neovaginas she could find and 10 "cis" vaginas to see if I could spot the neovag. On all but one I spotted the neovagina and in short order too. This makes me SAD SAD SAD.

When I die and if in a thousand years some archeologist digs me they would analyze my bones and say "and this was a male human."

Hi! Many of us can really relate to how you feel now. But, in spite of feeling that our transition attempt would probably be an utter failure, we still went through it, expecting that achieving something is always better than nothing.

But let me first ask a simple question. If you hate so much looking like a man physically, what would you prefer, to just complain about it and keep looking like that the rest of your life, OR AT LEAST TRY and feminize your body as much as it would realistically be possible? BTW being in your 30's is still a GREAT age to start transitioning.

I'll make it even easier for you, assuming you really look as male as it gets at the moment, and you hate that with all your heart: what would you prefer, looking 100% male, as you seem to feel right now, OR:

Let's say 99% male, 1% female, when you just start transition?

and then, after time and much effort doing lots of different stuff most of us have had to go through, maybe changing that into 90% male, 10% female, maybe after a few months?

and then 20% female, probably after a year or so

and then 30% a few years later, and so on (this being purely by HRT and some physical exercises such as aerobic dance, etc.)


until maybe you can get to 50/50 and if you keep at it for years and years, maybe even start moving your physical looks towards the feminine side?

But if you are one of those all-or-nothing 100%-or-0% kinds of unrealistic people, please do disregard what I'll write next. But I am sure many others will appreciate it though.

I will address your list of issues, which BTW are almost the very same as mine were, before I decided to transition. All I was expecting BTW was just developing a bit of breasts, hips and having a less masculine face. I never even fathomed transitioning socially and ever being called "miss" or "ma'am" by most people. I mean anybody other than my very judgmental and transphobic relatives who will never ever see me other than their "son" or "brother" (bummer, but it's their loss, not mine).

BTW I was a bodybuilder all my teenage years, until about 21-22 years old, and I mean a TOP LEVEL one at it. Yet believe it or not, today, after six years of HRT, orchi, trachea shave, lots of exercise for my hips, even facial exercises and many, many other things I have done, I have managed to acquire an approaching-hourglass figure, even though I still have a relatively large upper body. I would say my body may be probably 55/45 or 60/40 fem/manly looking now, but it was 100% manly, even big and muscular when I was 22. So to me, that is a great achievement! Face wise I would say I may be around 70/30 now, yet before HRT and stuff, I was maybe 10/90 fem/male, and this is only because of my eyes and smile, which are the same as before and were not really so masculine compared to all my other facial features.

So let's see, point by point:

=Nasty Facial Hair=
I had that too, 100% manly. Most of it medium-brown hairs all over my face, about 70% of it, the other 30% or so, has always been fair, colorless hairs, since I was a post-pubescent teenager. A combined herculean effort (12 laser sessions BEFORE HRT, year and a half sessions of facial waxing, three failed IPL sessions, and, more recently, 14 IPL sessions), got rid of most of those 70% of non-colorless facial hairs. IT WASN'T EASY AT ALL and my cosmetologist and I had to run the extra mile to achieve that in the end. I know I still have the 30% nasty colorless hairs, but believe me, when I shave my face and simply use a bit of powder foundation, my face looks like that of any cis woman, for about three days, then the 4th day the colorless hairs are evident. But I have been able to "pass" even the 5th day. Bottom line, YOU CAN GET RID OF ENOUGH OF YOUR FACIAL HAIR, EVEN WITHOUT ELECTROLYSIS, to be able to pass, facial-hair wise.

=6' tall body=
Well, who knew? I am exactly that tall as well. The average man where I live is about 5'6" and the average woman is about 5'2" or even shorter. But guess what? I pass most of the time. The only days when I have some trouble passing are when I neglect wearing a bit of makeup, or have a really bad hair and face day. Many girls on here are taller than me, I mean even a few inches taller and they pass 100% fine. The height screws you over only if everything else, that is, the way you dress, wear your hair or wig and talk screams androgynous or male. Also, look up "Anterior Pelvic Tilt" on Google images or elsewhere. Just doing this simple thing can make your body look more feminine while making you lose one or two inches in height. I use this when I am standing up in line at the bank or elsewhere, to look less tall and more feminine.

=size 14 women's shoe=
I don't like my feet and hand size either. So what I do is simply not attract attention to those areas. I wear comfy women's loafers, or regular female sneakers like pink Nikes, instead of pretty sandals that would attract attention to my feet. Same for my hands, I don't wear pretty rings or nail polish, so I don't attract any attention there. If I wear any rings, they would be feminine but very modest. A simple general rule is: emphasize only your best areas, to attract attention to them. In my case, my eyes and lips is what I emphasize, as well as my legs and hips with super-tight jeans. I make use of my smile whenever needed to distract attention from my flaws. It's difficult to do all this at first but you start getting more confident as you see some people start treating you differently!

=21" shoulders=
I have never even measured my shoulder width. I know I wear women's XL tops, so that's enough for me. And my trapeze muscles are still too large, a cis woman rarely develops them like that. What I do is the same as the previous issue. I minimize its appearance. I wear loose-shoulder stuff and darker colors. Something that helps A LOT to make your shoulders appear much narrower, is simply throwing your shoulders back whule sticking your chest out, as much as you can, without looking forced or silly. Think of making your elbows almost touch your sides, that is, your ribs. The closer you get your elbows to your waist area, the narrower your shoulders will look. There is also padded stuff to wear under your clothes, that helps your hips look wider and compensate for very broad shoulders. Cis women use this stuff, so trans women are encouraged to use it as well, why not?

=adams apple=
Mine was HUGE. I went through a whole 14 months of HRT with that thing still in me, until I had it removed the same day as I finally had my orchi. I maxed out my credit card for these surgeries, and believe me, this was my best spent money ever!!! In fact, the surgeon only charged me for the orchi and added a small fee for the t-shave, for assistant and anesthesiologist fees, but his work was free of charge for me, because he really sympathized with my problem. IMHO, the Adam's Apple, when it is evidently male-looking, is a HUGE issue for passing. In fact, before having it removed, I don't think I had ever been called miss or ma'am before, but as soon as I had it removed, this thing started happening more and more frequently. If yours is real big as mine was, I'd definitely put it on the list before everything else. It may save you from enduring a bunch of miserable months on HRT like I did, where just having that thing there prevented me from even trying to pass as a female for the world.

=brow ridge=
I still have that thing as well. It is NOT EASY finding a good surgeon for that, and it is very expensive surgery when you do find a capable one, specially if you have to travel abroad. So for now, I just cover it the best I can with my own hair, and, as stated before, I emphasize my eyes and lips and cheeks so people don't notice that issue. Also, there are some cis women that do have that. It is a small minority but they do exist nonetheless. So again. if you emphasize your positives, and wear a fringe or something to cover the issue, I am sure almost nobody will even notice such issue.

=ugly ass tattoos=
Unless you have them all over your face, you can go perfectly through life presenting as a woman without anybody ever noticing them. So you can go slowly at removing them or replacing them with feminine-looking ones as your transition goes on. In the meantime, simply avoid wearing sleeveless stuff or anything that showcases the areas where you have them. I always cover my legs and arms with tight jeans and jackets and I can still pass fine. IMHO, if your face including hairdo and voice passes, even if just barely, that is enough if you don't draw attention to your flaws deliberately.

=deep voice=
The voice has been one of the toughest issues for me. But even the lowest-pitched male voice has the capability to be trained to sound feminine. If you start training the voice, and really listening to ALL KINDS of female voices, you will realize that it is NOT the pitch that matters most, but it is rather the resonance. You can speak very low and still, if your sound comes out bright and crispy, with almost no male undertones or overtones in it, and you learn to generate your resonance from your face mask rather than your chest or throat, you will sound feminine even if very low-pitched. There are men who speak way higher in pitch than most women and still sound male because of their resonance (male under and overtones). It takes a lot of practice and patience, and you need to record yourself all the time. But in time it starts working out slowly and, like the Adam's apple removal, it makes A HUGE difference in how people perceive you. I'd say my fem voice may sound like 60/40 fem/male now, but believe me, that's just enough to get by. Trying to sing alto songs from female singers helps a lot as well. You may do like I do, lock yourself in a car in the garage when everybody is asleep or something, and do practice and record yourself away with no shame!

=I'll never bleed, I'll never grow moist when a man caresses me and if I got the surgery I am destined to eternal dilation and pill popping and most men would never want to go down on me or make love to me because they'll say that was vagina once a penis now inverted and shoved into my abdomen.=
What exactly do you want to bleed for? I've never ever met a woman who enjoys the physical act of menstruating. I think it's just a cliche, thinking that not having that feature would make you less of a woman.
Now, as far as growing moist I have read that the current most innovative SRS techniques do allow you to do that. Also, a man who really loves you won't even care the least bit about how your vagina came to exist. He will love it as it is, believe me, because it is PART OF YOU and it is YOU who he loves. I am sure you will understand this some day, when you find true love. Also, many of us do present and do pass as women for the world without even having had SRS yet, for many reasons. In my particular case, simply for financial ones (too expensive and where I live, it is not covered by the health system). So I'd tell you this, don't put the cart before the horse! You are already thinking about a vagina and all the issues that come from having such surgery, when that's the icing on the cake for most of us! You need to go through lots and lots of other transition-related stuff before getting to that point, so why worry about it now???

=some cis women are tall, yes some cannot bear children, yes some do not grow moist enough to really make it count at least), yes some have big feet and hands, yes some have no ovaries, yes some have adams apples, yes some have big heads and brow bossing, but I HAVE ALL THAT!=
I had all those issues as well, before starting transitioning and HRT. And I still have most of them, except the Adam's apple, and a big head. But guess what? People do call me "miss" or "ma'am" most of the time when they didn't meet me before, or they simply refrain from assigning me a gender, and I don't even dress utterly feminine. And when I take my clothes off to shower, I see the body and face of a being that looks more like a woman than a man. It has taken me six years already, but I am finally starting to get there. And all my body changes have been only through HRT and orchi. No cosmetic surgery at all. I may not look even remotely as hot as many cis women but I DO NOT look like a man either, not even close!

There are tall women everywhere in the world.  And you don't have to be able to become pregnant to be perceived and loved as a female. Nor do you have to be able "get moist" either, or have ovaries by any means. Big hands and feet is a tough one, I'll give you that, but as I mentioned before, the trick is simply not to attract attention to either of those areas, and instead purposely drawing attention to your best features.

Now let me mention a few "freebies" for you, that is, what I call "intangibles" or non-stereotypical things that one achieves fron transition/HRT and are really underrated most of the time, but it is super-cool to achieve them!

Skin tone and color: In my case, it looks and feels way softer, more delicate, paler. definitely on the feminine side.

Loss of most body hair. Other than the face, armpit and pubic hair, I'd say I've already lost about 80% of my body hair. That is great stuff!

A softer-looking face. Even though I still feel I really need FFS for my forehead and jaw, my cheeks have definitely rounded up a bit, making my face look softer in general, and when I smile, I notice a positive reaction almost 100% of the time, which I didn't get before transition, when living purposely as a so-called guy.

Loss of road-rage issues, anger-at-noisy-neighbors (or their mascots, etc.) issues. Loss of holding grudges for a long time, or wanting to act violently towards beings that I don't like and may be aggressive towards me, such as small pathetic dogs, aggressive swallows protecting their nests, and even nasty bugs like roaches or nasty beings like mice and the likes.

I can empathize way better than before. Specially with other people's suffering and pain, but I can empathize as well with other people's success even if I envy them. These kinds of things were literally impossible for me to experience, when I still had testosterone running through my system.

I can appreciate nature, other beings even if they look nasty in appearance, but I still marvel at their existence. I don't take anything for granted as I did before. I can now appreciate both the qualities of male and female beings, and I enjoy the differences.

Most of all, I feel free to be me. I feel free to buy makeup, nice feminine clothing, without feeling fear of being seen as a weirdo or as a freak. This feeling comes more from one feeling comfortable in one's skin as a female, than whether one really passes as a woman to the world of not. When you have such confidence, people around you, even the biggest transphobic bigots, do sense it and they stop staring or showing discomfort. So the change, at least in my own experience, has to come from inside oneself first, and then it will come from the outer world as a result of one's confidence.

And of course, nothing ever beats developing real (your own) breasts and hips, along with the soft almost-hairless palish skin all over your body, that I already mentioned. When I tell my BF that my breasts and hips are too small and my waist isn't as small as I'd want it to be, or I hate my pot belly, he just says to me "I love it because it is ALL YOURS, that is ALL YOU, I know what you have had to gone through to get that, and the fact that you look like that without any surgery, makes me feel proud of you and makes me love you even more". I know they say love is blind and I tell him repeatedly that he needs to get some new glasses or a new eye doctor, but he still keeps telling me that I am beautiful over and over again. Sorry if this sounds like bragging, it is not, all the opposite, I don't even consider myself an attractive person (physically), but I am sure he can see my soul just as well as I can see his, and he KNOWS 100% that I am a woman in my soul, and my physique is finally starting to slowly, VERY slowly, match that. Even if ONLY ONE person in the world notices this, it is worth living for!

I apologize to everybody for this super-lengthy message. I just wanted to express that even for the most masculine-looking people, there is still hope, but we have to stay optimistic, with the mindset that ANY progress is GOOD progress!

Cheers

Bibi B.

Wow, Bibi. I wish I could hug you so tight for that.

That's not intended to take anything away from the rest of you. You understand.  As it stands, you girls are all I got for this. My sister helps, bless her heart, she even said "I wish you could wear a dress to my wedding. I am so sorry" she even talks to me about girl things and treats me like a sister, yet she (understandably) does not grasp all the issues I face as a woman with this condition.

I want you all to know something, please. I may sound overly dramatic, it may sound fake, but you are saving me. You are doing good by helping a lost, beaten and confused woman gain some confidence.

Quote from: Petti on July 20, 2015, 03:49:27 AM
Wow, Bibi. I wish I could hug you so tight for that.

That's not intended to take anything away from the rest of you. You understand.  As it stands, you girls are all I got for this. My sister helps, bless her heart, she even said "I wish you could wear a dress to my wedding. I am so sorry" she even talks to me about girl things and treats me like a sister, yet she (understandably) does not grasp all the issues I face as a woman with this condition.

I want you all to know something, please. I may sound overly dramatic, it may sound fake, but you are saving me. You are doing good by helping a lost, beaten and confused woman gain some confidence.

See? You are already doing better than many of us who have been transitioning for many years now! Your own sister treats you like a sister! That means she can already see your soul, and that's really the coolest stuff! I haven't even been able to get any of my relatives to see that in me, they got stuck in that fake big macho bodybuilder portrait I created to try and please my family and society, and mostly to defend myself from bullying at school, and they just can't get rid of such an image.

If you have an ally and an adviser in your own sister, transition will be much easier for you. To me, right now the biggest emotional issue that makes me feel like a total failure on a daily basis, is my folks treating me like a man all the time, and my siblings being ashamed of me and lamenting the fact that I am not the "manly brother" I used to be to them. Nobody realizes that all that was just an act for survival. They just can't see my soul. Life is tough, so be strong, sister, remember that you are not alone in this!

Cheers

Bibi B.

Woah

That wiki based nastiness is horrifying. Wasted data time reading through it. Kinda messed my head up. Seems like the author has had a horrible experience, poor thing

It's awesome thing to see the opposite of her story from other ppl on here and other places. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Avoiding negative thoughts and realizing my own path had kept me positive.

Uhhg on that quasi wiki post. Garbage

*hugs* I agree with everyone else, that wiki information is incredibly vicious and unhelpful. Some of it is technically true (there are risks, not everyone gets ideal results from HRT, it can be stressful) but it's all presented as harshly as possible as if to scare people away. There are lots of people who do get good results - for example, I started at 32 years old and had a very solidly male build and big square face. I am now 38DD and curvy, and couldn't pass as male at six months in. You never know what you'll get until you try, and it's amazing and miraculous how much rearranging soft tissue can do - I still have serious brow bossing and had a square jaw/chin, for example, but softening my face changed those features' appearance enough that it's not an issue. Soft tissue changes made me lose an inch in height and a whole shoe size. Etc.

Oh, and I also agree that worrying about GRS now is putting the cart before the horse, but I definitely do lubricate when aroused and have had a gynecologist certify mistakenly that I was cis. Dilation isn't that much fun, it's true, but at 15 minutes once a week or less it's no big deal. And as for bleeding, the time right after GRS was enough of that experience, thanks.

Sorry if this requires a new thread, my logic is that I dont wanna clutter up the first page with more threads fro me so I'll just add it to this thread.


Does referring to us as transwomen take away some of our identity? Is it wrong to just refer to ourselves as just women? Will we ever be accepted by GGs? Most of what I read is very vicious. Why is our lot so hated?

Replying to a topic that was something about whether transwomen were real women someone who identified as a gg said "You can be a woman, but you'll never be a female."   What do you all make of that?


Alos about GRS

Someone told me that since a "neovagina is not a natural vagina" the "user" has to take extra steps to care for it, like being required to douche more than a GG and also a transwoman's vagina will never develop the scent of a natal vagina despite what folks say.

my philosophy is that I love myself and I'm trans. I am what I am, big deal.

I meet very few people who think I'm not a "real" woman, and I do my best not to meet up with them twice.

I don't douche (at least not since the immediate post-op period when it was required for wound care) and have had no problems. I have the appropriate flora and bacteria in there - it's been tested recently - and the scent seems normal to me, though obviously this is NOT something I am willing to prove! I think what "they say" about HRT and GRS both is a) partly urban legend and b) partly from the range of possible outcomes but *not* guaranteed, whether positive or negative.

Quote from: Petti on July 21, 2015, 05:40:28 PM
Does referring to us as transwomen take away some of our identity?

I don't think so. I'm proud of being trans. It gives me a perspective other people don't have.

Quote from: Petti on July 21, 2015, 05:40:28 PM
Is it wrong to just refer to ourselves as just women?

No, not wrong at all. If that's how you see yourself, then that's your identity. No one else gets a vote.

Quote from: Petti on July 21, 2015, 05:40:28 PM
Will we ever be accepted by GGs?

I have a number of friends who are cis women. Being trans doesn't seem to get in the way.

Quote from: Petti on July 21, 2015, 05:40:28 PM
Most of what I read is very vicious. Why is our lot so hated?

I don't think we're hated. The viciousness is a combination of factors. (1) People are generally scared that things are going to Change. Our acceptance is a visible sign of that. (2) We're a convenient scapegoat for leaders who want to instill fear in people to solidify their power. (3) We've done a bad job of letting people know why we do what we do, so people don't understand. People are often afraid of what they don't understand. (4) Some closeted trans people are afraid of their own impulses. Our visibility make those harder to hide from.

In fact, most people I meet and come out to are very supportive and friendly.

Quote from: Petti on July 21, 2015, 05:40:28 PM
Replying to a topic that was something about whether transwomen were real women someone who identified as a gg said "You can be a woman, but you'll never be a female."   What do you all make of that?

Who died and made her queen? Where does she get off telling me what I am?

Quote from: Petti on July 21, 2015, 05:40:28 PM
Alos about GRS

Someone told me that since a "neovagina is not a natural vagina" the "user" has to take extra steps to care for it, like being required to douche more than a GG and also a transwoman's vagina will never develop the scent of a natal vagina despite what folks say.

True, it's not natural, it's human-made. Not the way I want it, but something I need to accept.

I occasionally smell the "fishy" smell that I've come to associate with natal VJs. But it usually smells more vinegary. I'm happy with that. Means the pH is low and less likely to house nasty bacteria.

Quote from: Petti on July 21, 2015, 05:40:28 PM
Sorry if this requires a new thread, my logic is that I dont wanna clutter up the first page with more threads fro me so I'll just add it to this thread.

Don't be concerned about starting new threads. They get a lot more visibility and anything you have a question about, there probably are a lot of other people who want to know.

Quote from: Petti on July 21, 2015, 05:40:28 PM
Replying to a topic that was something about whether transwomen were real women someone who identified as a gg said "You can be a woman, but you'll never be a female."   What do you all make of that?

Even though the quote is not exactly the same, I am almost 100% sure you are referring to this quote: "Sorry, Kellie Maloney, but to be a woman you must first be a girl"

It is the headline of an article published in The Spectator, a weekly British conservative magazine, by Carol Sarler, 23 August 2014.

The article is IMHO, an extremely biased and opinionated one against transsexual women, specifically MTF individuals, because interestingly, it never even acknowledges the existence of the FTM group.

Here is the part where this so-called writer mentions something very similar to your quote: "No matter the miraculous advances in medicine and technology, a woman is born, not made. You cannot be a woman unless you were a girl first. You cannot be a woman unless you came into the world as a female."

Here are a few bits of information for everybody to judge how seriously to take such an article:

==The Spectator is a weekly British conservative magazine.

==The editor of The Spectator magazine is Fraser Nelson, a British political journalist and a supporter of the Conservative Party.

==Editorship of The Spectator has often been a step on the ladder to high office in the Conservative Party in the UK.

==Its total circulation (December 2013) was 54,070. So it is not even included in the Wikipedia's list of 100 British magazines ranked according to their circulation figures of the second half of 2013. The magazine ranked #100 has a circulation over 112,000, more than twice than The Spectator. This shows how small and opinionated its readership actually seems to be.

==The author of the article, Carol Sarler, is an evidently opinionated feminist-transphobic person and this particular article seems to apparently be the last one she has written, dated almost a year ago already. If you check her list of published articles on The Spectator's web page, this particular one seems like it may be either THE or one of the most read articles written by her in such magazine ever, where she takes advantage of Kellie Maloney's fame and name recognition --formerly known as boxing promoter Frank Maloney--, whose recent coming out as a transsexual made big news in the boxing world worldwide as well as in the general UK news media. In the UK, this news was comparable in importance, to Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as Bruce Jenner, coming out as a transsexual in the USA.

==If you visit The Spectator's article on Wikipedia, you can realize that Sarler is not even mentioned anywhere, which can give you an idea of how relevant this person is for the magazine in general.

==Sarler doesn't even have a Wikipedia page, which, again, can give you an idea of how unimportant her opinions and articles are, in the great scheme of things.

I am just stating facts here. Anyone can verify these and set me straight if any of these are incorrect.

Bottom line, if a person who is a virtually unknown writer, in a very unimportant publication according to its circulation numbers, and such publication also happens to be an opinionated one, catering almost exclusively to the conservative-minded individuals in the UK, it can probably give you an idea of how irrelevant this person's views and opinions really are, for both the world in general, and the LGBT community in particular. In fact I hope that my just mentioning that person's name on here doesn't help this biased person get a bit more name-recognition that she doesn't deserve, but it she does, at least it will be in a more unbiased and critical light, rather than protected and shielded by the opinionated conservative magazine she writes for.

Cheers

Bibi B.

Dear Petti,
I'm really sorry that you feel this way. I stopped my transition twice because my physical disability made me question the worth of the endeavour, so I understand where you're coming from. It seems to me that you want most to be a cis woman. I'm sorry, hun, but this isn't possible. So, you have two options: you can dwell on things you can't control, or you can try to be happy. This may involve transition, it may not. You may not ever even succeed at finding happiness, but trying is better than dwelling. Trust me, I did my fair share of dwelling on things outside of my control. Focusing on what you can control is so much more satisfying.

Post surgically a close examination of me by experts would detect a number of flaws that would expose my past. The truth is I will never have those experts examine me in that way. I could take a man to bed without telling him my history and we both could have a pleasurable experience. Yes, I am 5'14" and don't have much of of a figure. I can pass well enough in public that I am just a person in the crowd. I am gendered female in public. Most important the ghost of the past have been removed through therapy and a new life making me happy just to be alive.

That is what's important in life. Transexuals have this idea of the perfect female form that very few CIS females meet and go through great efforts to obtain it. They are seeking the wrong goal because what is important is to be comfortable in your own skin. It take surprising little to reach that goal though some of us need more work than others. The most difficult part is adjusting your goals an views to a life style that will truly make you happy and not a life style cooked up by visions of the perfect woman.

I will tell you right now you will never be the "perfect" woman, but you can become somebody you will be happy being.

Thanks, girls. Just letting you all know I am still reading and appreciating everything you're saying. It helps. 

@ Bibi - that quote I mentioned was buried in some forum or blog somewhere. I really wish I could link it for you, but it's totally lost in the sauce. I believe It was just some random poster on the internet saying it.

*~*~*~*~*

What makes a woman a woman? Should or could someone who for the sake of conversation looks like, hmm, Lebron James or for that matter anyone who at first glance appears to be a man be able to say "I am a woman and identify as such" and be allowed to enter women's space? Are we destined to exist in some nether realm between the sexes never being fully woman? If I went through transition, srs and all, and I was raped or beaten would I not be treated as any other woman and welcomed to a crisis center? Should I be?

I have felt like what I consider to be a woman my entire life. I've been wearing sister's clothes  before I even started puberty or knew anything about sex. I feel comfortable and not horny in women's clothing and it just feels right, but, like, I have a penis, I have a beard... am I just deluded? Does mind trump those physical features of mine that are, in fact, male? If so how? Can I in sound mind really stand next to someone who was born and raised a woman, who does not need hormones and surgery to form her body into that which is considered one of a woman and say "I am also a woman"?

I am just trying to come to terms with my condition, I hope you all see my position.  I am so sorry if any of this offends, but I have no money for any therapy and know no one to whom I can pose these rather blunt and possibly offensive questions.

It actually *is* a bit offensive to suggest that someone has to be pretty/feminine/"look good" enough to call themselves a woman, but mostly because there are plenty of exceptions among "someone who was born and raised a woman." There are cis women who look like ugly men; there are cis women who look like attractive but 100% masculine men. There are even cis women with beards. (There are also cis women with AIS, who are XY in chromosomes but were born as, raised as, look like, and identify as women.) Sure, these are rare, but nobody thinks they should have to show their birth certificate, baby pictures, and an affidavit from their mother to prove they're women. And they would be offended if someone demanded it. I think we should be equally offended at the suggestion that, unlike the "real" women, we need any proof beyond knowing what we are.

On a less hypothetical note, a cis female friend of mine has more facial hair than I do. She's not even suffering from a significant hormone imbalance - although some cis women *can* produce enough testosterone in their bodies to see many of the effects - and while she's hugely embarrassed about it, this has never made her question her essential womanhood. She's the one who told me that if I got the point where I felt the same way, I'd be a lot more comfortable living my life.

Quote from: Jenna Marie on July 24, 2015, 06:44:30 AM
It actually *is* a bit offensive to suggest that someone has to be pretty/feminine/"look good" enough to call themselves a woman, but mostly because there are plenty of exceptions among "someone who was born and raised a woman." There are cis women who look like ugly men; there are cis women who look like attractive but 100% masculine men. There are even cis women with beards. (There are also cis women with AIS, who are XY in chromosomes but were born as, raised as, look like, and identify as women.) Sure, these are rare, but nobody thinks they should have to show their birth certificate, baby pictures, and an affidavit from their mother to prove they're women. And they would be offended if someone demanded it. I think we should be equally offended at the suggestion that, unlike the "real" women, we need any proof beyond knowing what we are.

On a less hypothetical note, a cis female friend of mine has more facial hair than I do. She's not even suffering from a significant hormone imbalance - although some cis women *can* produce enough testosterone in their bodies to see many of the effects - and while she's hugely embarrassed about it, this has never made her question her essential womanhood. She's the one who told me that if I got the point where I felt the same way, I'd be a lot more comfortable living my life.

I didn't mean to be offensive, even if only a bit. I truly apologize.

I feel as if personally (not you or anyone else, but ME) will never be equal to or as good as a cis woman.  I could be the most gorgeous tgirl on this planet, but part of me feels I would not be equal to someone with a natal vagina and all I can ever be is a quasi-woman. But the thing is a part of me feel that line of thought it wrong, yet another part feels it is right. I am so utterly confused. I fear that I will never be accepted as a woman in women's space, and, again, I can kinda understand where folks are coming from, but it saddens me off still. Like, seriously, if I am raped or beaten and I need help from sisters what do I do? Will I just be laughed at, called a man and sent away, is the best I can hope for is some room separated from the rest of them women because I am not a woman but a woman*?

I am scared, I m confused, I have been like 2 years into confronting these issues and it feels as if I have learned so little.

Will we ever be accepted as women? Heck I don't even know what a woman is. Is being a woman just believing one is? If so what is the foundation of that belief?

Petti : I'm really sorry that you feel that way about yourself, and I hope you do become more comfortable with your womanhood in time. Unfortunately, we live in a society that's dedicated to making cis women feel insecure and imperfect, much less trans women.

So, I feel that replying to this thread is kind of a gamble.  I don't want to give bad advice and I don't want to just echo what others have said.  There has been SO MUCH already shared that I also don't want to feel like I'm doing any of it an injustice by the following tiny summary of my feelings, but here goes.  It's only an opinion after all.


So, you grew up thinking you should've been born a woman.  You never did anything about it to amount to much, and you maybe even tried to run away from it by burying yourself in masculine things.  I'm sure many of us have done that.  I know I did.  Those hobbies and feelings eventually faded though and just become another passing fad in my life.


I'm fortunate to not have grown up into a super-masculine body.  I've always been on the smallish side in height and weight and bone structure.  I have reasonably soft facial features, for a guy, and I have curly hair that some women would murder people for, lol.  However I am 33 years old and testosterone has wreaked it's havoc on my body already.  I see it in my shoulders, in my hips, in my hands and feet, in my nose, in my brow, in my hairline, in my ribcage and of course the facial hair.


I have been on an extremely low dose of HRT for about 5 weeks now.  I have maintained my weight, +/- 2 pounds.  I got my haircut literally days before realizing I was trans, so I am letting it grow out now (seeing a stylist tomorrow!)  I have a large back tattoo that is something I have wanted for a dozen years or more, but finally just started working on 2 years ago (yes, it's A LOT of work).  I have come to terms with the fact that it's not as girly as it could have been, but it's me, it gives me a little more of a raw edge to my femininity and I like that.  I will doctor it up a bit maybe as I'm actively still getting work done to it, but there you go, what's on me is on me, move on.


Getting to the point.  When I started out, I too had this ridiculous idea of how beautiful I wanted to be, the slutty things I wanted to wear, the places I wanted to go and the things I wanted to do with/to the people there, lol.  My masculine upbringing was grasping for straws about what this all meant and what I could/should do with the future.  But, after living with this for 3.5 months and being on hormones for a bit, I really have adjusted my outlook.  I feel confident in who I am, who cares what other people's "ideal woman" looks like.  Sure, it's easy enough for me to say that, maybe not so much for others, but you CAN get to that point if you want to.  You just have to stop trying so hard.  It's like finding your soulmate.  When you stop looking for it is when you usually find them!  Also, friends help.  Try to make some girlfriends that you can hang out with, go see a movie en femme, go to dinner, hell, go dress shopping!  And if you don't feel comfortable expressing female yet while doing those things, keep dressing male for the time being.  Being around other confident and friendly women can really help reinforce your own confidence.


This shouldn't be a stressful experience, but it is, so make light of it when and where you can to lessen the tension.  Have fun with it and before you know it, it'll be second nature.

Thanks you all.

It does feel like I am making some progress but at the pace of a tectonic plate! Rwarrr, so frustrating.  But  nonetheless I am super appreciative of the comments I am receiving here. Someone once told me there are places that can help girls like me with sliding scales and whatnot, but it's hard for me to find those things. Were do I even begin to search? Google ain't helping much. In a world where people are as quick to exalt intellect and high IQ as they are raw, physical beauty I must be honest and admit I am not the sharpest tool in the shed. As such navigating this bureaucracy with insurance and all these technical words, rules and regulations is quite the challenge for me. I am so alone. My father and sister support me, but they are soooo just not fully aware of what being trans really means (and honestly as you all tell neither am I). I have cried, literally cried for help, and have been told "Well some people are just unhappy with their bodies, it's like if someone was unhappy having dark skin or a big nose." This is not something that I can power through. My life has been one of complete failure as I am expected to be a man when I am a woman. Everytime I have to check "male," every time I have to wear a suit or other manly clothes, everytime I have to pee and see a penis, everytime I am segerated with the guys I grow that much more disheartened and I fear soon it will reach a critical mass. I am a woman with a very serious condition, it is killing me and I need help. I must transition and I don't even know where to begin.

Just needed to vent that off, Thank You.

We have threads here to help you with just about anything you might need. Not having ever seen a picture of you, here is a list of things to consider. You may add or subtract or add to the list depending on your needs.
Therapy
HRT
Beard removal
Diet
Wardrobe
Hair
Makeup
Appearance surgery (may not be needed with work in other areas.)
Comfort in public
Speech therapy
Tato removal/ redo

Yes, the list is long but noting stops you from working on two or three items at the same time. In fact, may of us have may have pretty well the whole list in progress at some point in our transition. I suggest Beard removal as something you start early because it is a pain appearing female with several days of growth.

And that is how you get started becoming a woman. Should you have questions, ask. I sure did when I was starting out.

Dena, one of the things you mention that actually worry me is tattoo removal. On each forearm and each upper arm I have some rather large (and masculine) tattoos. At one point I was trying so hard to be manly and I literally bear those scars.


I have done some research on tattoo removal and I am uncertain as to how good it really is. From what I understand I may get them decently removed but there will be scarring. I am half black half white with caramel colored skin and I hear getting tattoos removed with darker skin makes it that much harder, also one of my tats has red and blue pigment supposedly adding to the problem.

So many great tops out there I fear I may not be able to wear because I have a tattoo of a dang ghost duel wielding scimitars, lol. OMG what was I thinking... oh wait, I wasn't.