This is a good discussion, brings up a topic my therapist and I go 'round and 'round on.
Seemingly lots of "fetish" when I was "closeted" -- mostly because I could not integrate two gender identities. Then I began to realize that I'm cis-Male, but Gender ID as trans-female.
My therapist asks, "Where do you ID between "trans" and "fetish"
And so "in the closet" there was a lot of "fetish" because the ID was not integrated. ID was fractured, dysfunctional, indistinct. Then I learned from a trans-woman in transition M to F, how to integrate gender expression -- how to make somewhat ambiguous gender presentations.
Mostly I grew hair past my shoulders, no secondary male body hair (shaved, not hormones), triple pierced earlobes and ear bangles that are all over the place gender wise, unisex clothing and women's clothing that is gender neutral: shorts, cargo pants, hoodies, pull overs, tank tops, beach sandals. (We live in a west coast recreation area, rec. casual is the style for both genders.)
I don't wear dresses. Etymologically, "skirt" and "shirt" are the same Anglo-Saxon word. The Patriarchy extended the "shirt" on women and removed their pants -- primarily to provide sexual access. Dresses feel sexy as hell, and I have my share. They're INTENDED to induce fetish/sexual feelings, because the wearer is without pants and sexually exposed. Heaps of female fashion is intended to drape the cis-F form with sexually provocative styles, lots of skin, peeks and glimpses.
http://everydayetymology.tumblr.com/post/41313289924/shirt-from-old-english-scyrte-skirt-tunic"shirt"
From Old English scyrte "skirt, tunic," from Common Germanic *skurtijon "a short garment", from Proto-Indo-European *sker "to cut". Our word "skirt" was borrowed from Old Norse "skyrta" (also from *skurtijon), after the "sk" in English changed to "sh". So "skirt" and "shirt" once were the same word, but changed slightly in meaning and pronunciation and now are distinct! The words "shear", "short", and "curt" come from this root too, as something cut is subsequently short.
I'm staunch anti-Patriarchal, feminist political. We don't do dresses, heels, make-up, panty-hose. And neither do most of my cis-Sisters!
No interest in "passing" as cis-Female. Let's do a graphic:
Cis-Female 4, 3, 2, 1, 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, Cis-Male
Most of the time I present, ID somewhere to the right of ZERO between 0 and 2, maybe 3 for reasons, like riding the Harley.
NOW THAT I'M OPENLY COMFORTABLE WITH MY ID --
Cis-M.
Orientation is exclusively toward cis-Female, but a huge element of "gender envy" integrated here.
ID is trans- . . . somewhere in the midst. Not "femme" female, not passing as female. Cis-Male ID alienates, even threatens me because of my experiences with male sexual abuse.
IMPORTANT here to note I am not sexually active. Being not sexually active simplifies orientation immensely. I'm 67, and have been me all my life. Not going to change who I am, but will work on how I present.
I have a Sof' Butch Lesbian colleague, an MD -- "You're no more cis-F than I am cis-M. We're NOT BROKEN, and shouldn't need invasive medical intervention to be who we are. HRT is scary stuff, surgery is dangerous, expensive, and in a very real sense for some of us a sort of 'costume' that strives to change the "US" we've been all our lives. Trans is not a medical issue. Trans is a SOCIAL issue."
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"Sex" is physical, the shape of your physiology. I'm cis-Male (cis is
Latin for "on this side of")
"Orientation" is who you find sexually attractive. I'm sexually
attracted to cis-Female, although it's more about "gender-envy -- "I
wish I could look like that." than any sort of motive for sexual union.
It's very convoluted, "non-hetero-normative."
"Gender" is who you ID or desire to ID as a socio-cultural presentation.
Gender is "who you go to bed as . . . " -- In the rare instances I have
sex with cis-Females, I invariably have this relationship as a
trans-female -- Cis-Male physical sex, Female gender ID.
Google is very up to speed on all these concepts, theories, terms . . .
Most of the Judith Butler sites online are counterfeit. I have personal
email from Judith Butler, discussing "Non-Hetero-Normative." Gender
theory is one of my graduate fields.
