Come out to Parents

Dena · July 22, 2015, 07:48:01 PM

Reassure her you are the same person you were before and will be come a better person because you won't have to hid this problem anymore. Almost all of us improve as we get treatment because we no longer have to deal with the depression and uncomfortable feelings any more. My personality is a great deal different that before I started treatment and I am sure if you knew the old me and the new me, you would like the new me much better.

A little side note, your mother will have to do a lot to help you, so help her when ever you can and thank her often for what she is doing. This will help her understand how important this is to you.

Laura_7 · July 23, 2015, 06:57:05 AM

Quote from: Murplethepurple on July 22, 2015, 06:20:02 PM
Is it normal for parents to treat their kids like they are different after they learn that their child is transgender? I feel like my mom is treating me differently and acting differently around me. Any tips?

You could give the male/female twin comparison... you will be like your male/female twin, with the same sense of humour... in the core the same person...

hugs

Murplethepurple · July 23, 2015, 08:59:33 AM

Thank you all for your help. Hopefully she will get used to the idea and will start acting normal around me.

Turtlesrule · July 23, 2015, 10:29:08 AM

Hello Im new here and since this was a topic I wanted to ask if there was a way to make a joke out of my being transgender? My family takes things better when it is funny. Any suggestions?

Dena · July 23, 2015, 10:51:16 AM

Quote from: Turtlesrule on July 23, 2015, 10:29:08 AM
Hello Im new here and since this was a topic I wanted to ask if there was a way to make a joke out of my being transgender? My family takes things better when it is funny. Any suggestions?

Welcome to Susan's Place. There are a number of jokes/ funny moments after you have come out but coming out is pretty serious and the humor is best avoided until after the business is completed. A sense of humor is something my family has as well and I was blessed with a really twisted mind that sees humor in far to many thing but when I came out to my mother, there was no humor about it.

Turtlesrule · July 23, 2015, 11:06:56 AM

Quote from: Dena on July 23, 2015, 10:51:16 AM
There are a number of jokes/ funny moments after you have come out but coming out is pretty serious and the humor is best avoided until after the business is completed. A sense of humor is something my family has as well and I was blessed with a really twisted mind that sees humor in far to many thing but when I came out to my mother, there was no humor about it.

Ok. I have that same sense of humor. Not sure my family sees humor in as many things as I do though. My friends think i am a sociopath. Probably not good reputation. I will try to ease the tension afterwards with a "really" funny joke.

Dena · July 23, 2015, 11:16:49 AM

Quote from: Turtlesrule on July 23, 2015, 11:06:56 AM
Ok. I have that same sense of humor. Not sure my family sees humor in as many things as I do though. My friends think i am a sociopath. Probably not good reputation. I will try to ease the tension afterwards with a "really" funny joke.

There is something I have noted about those of us who deal with transsexualism and that is our mind tends to be more flexible and open that other people's minds. I think it's the result of attempting to resolve our feelings that opens up to thoughts most people don't think about much. On reason I enjoy this web site so much is the flow of ideas and the people behind the ideas. I knew this in therapy many years ago but it has been missing from my life until I discovered Susan's. I like to think of myself as somewhat abnormal because who wants to be just normal? In any case, enjoy you quest and if I can help you, let me know.

Turtlesrule · July 23, 2015, 11:36:15 AM

I like that. Thinking of yourself as abnormal. I am pretty sure that according to "normal" society we are abnormal. I like to think of myself as a free human. Staying away from social stereotypes. They cause too much confusion anyways.

Turtlesrule · July 23, 2015, 12:17:45 PM

I wish that I had the courage to tell my mom now but I am scared she will just throw it to the side as a "phase" and not take me seriously.

Dena · July 23, 2015, 12:39:29 PM

I don't know how old you are but I am guessing from your writing that you are 16 or a bit older. You mind seems even older that that but we have to grow up fast so that's not to uncommon. If you want to come out the best approach is a proper education on the facts and documentation to support your view point. If you want to make the effort, we will over the next week or two help you learn your argument so when you face your parents you will be able to educate them on the facts of life (what a change). For starters the following link will give you something to chew on.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_transsexualism

Turtlesrule · July 23, 2015, 12:43:40 PM

Thanks for the link. Am reading it now. I'm just about to turn 17. The problem is I am like the best procrastinator in the world so I just keep saying I will do it at so and so time and then say you know what im going to read something about it I have already read a million times. Im ready to tell them. Just dont got the courage.

Dena · July 23, 2015, 12:56:11 PM

Quote from: Turtlesrule on July 23, 2015, 12:43:40 PM
Thanks for the link. Am reading it now. I'm just about to turn 17. The problem is I am like the best procrastinator in the world so I just keep saying I will do it at so and so time and then say you know what im going to read something about it I have already read a million times. Im ready to tell them. Just dont got the courage.

Another August baby? The courage we can't do very much about t however you should consider the earlier we get you into treatment, the better the outcome will be. I wasn't able to address the damage until I was in my mid 20's and by then T had done it's job well. In the end, the decision will be yours.

Turtlesrule · July 23, 2015, 01:06:30 PM

The 26th. Sucks cause nobody thinks I try hard but I try harder than anyone in the family. Too bad can't do anything about courage. Maybe I should tell myself that it is not only for them but also for myself so that way I can relax and feel good about myself?

Turtlesrule · July 23, 2015, 01:55:06 PM

I feel really scared. I now have a feeling of I dont care about anything. Im tired of it all. Being terrified of peoples reactions, hiding my true self, Im tired of it and I dont care. Is that A normal feeling?

Dena · July 23, 2015, 02:20:21 PM

I am August 20th. Coming out may be one of the hardest things you do in your life. I had to be driven to the point of suicide before I could face my family and it took all my effort to tell my mom. She told my father so I didn't have to face him. I couldn't eat for three days after that because my stomach was tied in a knot and I could get more than a few mouths full of food down before my stomach told me that was enough. My sister had done the ground work for me with her drug problem so I was taken seriously but my mother though this was a problem she could "fix" so she didn't understand what the outcome would be.

I know my schooling suffered because of dealing with this and the only way I was able to force it into the back ground with with programming that drew all my attention away from my emotions. Once you come out it will take some pressure off you and over time treatment will eliminate the transsexualism from your life but there has to be a first step and you will have to make it. When you come out it will be for yourself. Treatment wasn't very available in my time and so little was knowing about TS. Today, we can get you treatment in days and if needed over the internet. The younger of us in treatment were in our mid 20's, now they are treating 3 and 4 year old children so they will never have to go through this. You have so many options open to you and you only need to reach out for help. We can't do it for you because we have no clue who you are and where you are. That is a condition of this web site. As I said the decision is yours and I want you to go for it so you don't have to go through a much latter transition like I did.

Turtlesrule · July 23, 2015, 02:38:39 PM

Thank you for all the support. You like programming too? That's awsome. One of the only things i am good at. It is also a way for me to make sketchy income to help myself go to college. I had no idea it could take only a couple of days to get treatment. I thought it was at least weeks or months before anybody would consider it. Maybe I can come out after all. Thanks (redundant) for helping me get meaning back into my life. I now care about being open and only living as my true self. Hopefully it will make it easier to come out.

Dena · July 23, 2015, 02:51:48 PM

Quote from: Turtlesrule on July 23, 2015, 02:38:39 PM
Thank you for all the support. You like programming too? That's awsome. One of the only things i am good at. It is also a way for me to make sketchy income to help myself go to college. I had no idea it could take only a couple of days to get treatment. I thought it was at least weeks or months before anybody would consider it. Maybe I can come out after all. Thanks (redundant) for helping me get meaning back into my life. I now care about being open and only living as my true self. Hopefully it will make it easier to come out.

By treatment I mean therapy. Hormones take longer as they have to feel comfortable in giving them to you. Blocker they are a little more free with as they don't do any lasting harm and give you more time to decide.

I paid all my living expenses, medical cost and saved for my retirement with Fortans and mostly Assembler programmings. I like being down on the metal but I have played around with C a bit.

Turtlesrule · July 23, 2015, 03:02:37 PM

Any treatment is better than no treatment. Especially since I know my parents are very open and accepting people in general. Hopefully once I come out they will let me socially transition. What are the legal requirements for being considered a female? I still have to go to school this year as a boy but maybe next year I can register as female. I think puberty blockers might be too expensive for my family.

I pay about a fifth of my school tuition from summer jobs and my programming. I create and maintain websites for some lets say internet sensations. Of course I do not use my real name when working with them because I can only do so much at one time.

Dena · July 23, 2015, 03:17:20 PM

None of my paper work was altered until I was post surgical. My only defense was a letter I carried from my doctor explaining I was under treatment and part of the treatment required living in the female gender. The letter was needed because they had some strange laws on the books about driving in disguise and it was in case of issues in the rest room. I never used the letter once. Legal standards understand us better now and if you are somewhat stealth you wouldn't have any problems appearing in public as a female right now. Many crossdressers do it all the time without any documentation or letter.
As for the cost of medication, I don't have a clue. Blockers didn't exist in my time and I haven't been on hormones in 10 years. The medication they use now is entirely different that what I was on. That's one of the problems in getting stuck with an old timer answering your questions. i suspect the blockers are not real costly because this is an off label application for a blood pressure medication. The bigger cost will be therapy but it is possible that your school may be able to help you in that area. Many colleges are trans friendly including my ASU. Just what that means, I am not sure either because I haven't been on campus in years.

Turtlesrule · July 23, 2015, 03:25:25 PM

I checked on google. The cheapest is $700 getting them online and can get as expensive as $1,500 in certain places. I am not as afraid appearing female in public as I am getting my drivers licence and school records changed. I currently have a permit but it states I am male and so do all my records for the driving school. Afraid if I change my gender then I will have to start drivers ed over again.

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Come out to Parents