Hormones for emotional relief, not physical feminization

[translora]

I know this is something of a YMMV question, but I'm wondering if there is a hormone option/combination available which could provide me with emotional relief from my dysphoria, but without any (or much) physical feminization.

Basically, I'm not in a position to transition fully (or even partially), but everything in my environment seems to be triggering my dysphoria, basically by way of my male libido, which appears to be fully engaged in that task. My best case, for the moment, I think, is to reduce my libido, and hope that it reduces the distraction I experience now pretty much wherever I go.

I often read about transwomen lamenting that hormones are having too little physical feminizing effects, but I think that's exactly what I want, at least for now. And I'm wondering if an endocrinologist who regularly deals with transgender patients will think this an odd request. (I have a therapist who is willing to refer me to a doctor, but I have resisted it for fear of too-much-too-soon physical feminization.)

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Lora

[Laura_7]

You could try a soft approach:
avoiding aggressive activities, including watching them (movies, tv...)
looking for more serene pastimes
avoiding carbonated drinks, and raw meat...


hugs

[Randi]

I can certainly attest that lowering testosterone and raising estradiol can greatly lessen dysphoria.

I find this article by psychologist Ann Vitale to be illuminating. 

http://www.avitale.com/TNote15Testosterone.htm

It seem that in some people, me included, testosterone brings on intense dysphoria.  If the testosterone is lowered and estradiol increases they dysphoria goes away the the patient thinks they are cured.  As testosterone rises the dysphoria comes back.

Around eight years ago I was diagnosed as hypogonadic and my doctor started me on weekly testosterone shots.  Although this solved some health problems, it caused me to experience increasing gender dysphoria.  In addition the enzyme aromatase caused much of the testosterone to be converted to estradiol by a process called aromatization.  Within six months my breasts were budding, nipples erect all the time.

I can't tell you how to take estrogen and avoid feminization.  I currently have breasts larger than many cis-women.  I've got a virtually hairless body, and feminine fat distribution.

Since I produce virtually no testosterone I need to take either testosterone or estradiol to remain healthy.  If I take testosterone it converts to estradiol, so  (for me) the effect is the same.  My body is becoming increasingly feminine and there is little I can do to prevent that.

Some people will tell you that "low dose" estrogen will allow you to reach a happy medium where your dysphoria is lessened but without excessive feminization.  I personally think that just slows things down a bit and you will end up being physically female sooner or later.

Certainly many trans women do not fit the model observed by Anne Vitale, but that's the way it works for me.  It's not pleasant at all. The choice is either to experience extreme gender dysphoria or tolerate a physical change of sex.  The option of remaining in a male body and getting rid of the dysphoria is not something that was in the cards for me.

[Beth Andrea]

I took over-the-counter "maximum strength" menopause supplements for 8 months prior to HRT...it helped with my anxiety/dysphoria but without much feminization.

(I did take a few other supplements, because I wanted feminization, but at any rate, Estrogen is boocoo better for emotional distress and physical changes...ymmv)

[translora]

I've done some reading about OTC menopause products, but that would feel like self-medication, so I'm hesitant. Plus, what I've read says that they don't help much for transwomen who have tried them anyway.

Lora

[Melanie CT]

Lora
I started on a low does of estrogen which tremendously helped my dysphoria with little femanizing affects. My skin softened, my facial hair comes in slower but still comes in and my hair became softer. Other than that there has not been much physical change after 2 months.

Check into to a low does of HRT.


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[katrinaw]

I Agree with Melanie
I started on a very low dose of AA and E and it did supress most of the Dysphoria... (except body hair ) and had all the benefits as Melanie said... My problem was it was not enough, my age and knowing the time and effects would take longer I drove higher HRT intake after about a year... but I can say it did calm a lot! I guess it depends on what your ultimate goals are?

Katy xx

[Dena]

There is another solution and that is blockers only. The male hormones are the real problem and HRT reduces the male hormones to almost nothing. I have been off all hormones for 10 years because I am reaching the age were the risk of continuing the hormones is greater than the benefits and my mind is still calm without female hormones. This is not what my mind would have been like when I still had T from natural sources.

[Serenation]

I agree with Dena, t blockers and have as little as your comfortable with.

[JoanneB]

I've been on/off low dose HRT several times over the decades for the much needed brain or emotional reset. After a few months things may/will be affected down stairs which for me created a lot of conflict with wanting to be a "normal" guy. But hey! I wasn't looking to jump out in front of a train either.

With or without a T blocker didn't make a big difference (20's to 30's). Though these days I know without a doubt my T level is a MAJOR factor in how I feel about myself and the path I am on and all the other balls I need to juggle in my life.

[judithlynn]

I Agree with Melanie and Katy;
I was started on a very low dose of Oestrogen only (because my T levels wee very low for a genetic male <5.9. At first it did  suppress most of the Dysphoria, but after a few months I had a breakout again.  The doctor increased my dosage, then it was fine again for about 6 months, then another breakout (by then my T Levels we about 2.5 (about the most found in a Genetic female). Still another breakout  and the doctor increased the dosage yet again.  I the had a period of slow feminisation with some dramatic results in both breasts, nipples, aureola and buttocks, very soft hair on my head, rounded facial cheeks, very soft skin and body hair decreasing, but  I am still occasionally having more periods of dysphoria (My T levels are now under 0.9, but my Doctor wants to double it now. But I think thats going to push me right over the cusp into 100% Male fail as I am pretty much there already. The problem is when I had the breakouts it was just not enough to stop the dysphoria and it has driven me and my Doctor to want to increase  my Oestrogen intake more and more. My doctor reckons I am now hormonally female, so low dose seems to be working, but I think I am really now already on a full transition dose! Basically he wanted my T Levels to under 0.25. Any more and I would appear to be on a full bottle transition, which I am not yet ready for, so I may hold off yet and just live with the occasional dysphoric episode!

Like Katy says it depends on what your ultimate goals are?

JudithLynn

[luna nyan]

Lots of us here who started on low dose.

I've sort of kept a running record of my experience.  Thread is in my sig.

[AnonyMs]

I started low dose, E only. It worked wonders for how I felt, and the physical changes were there but easy to hide.

It was good for some years, but eventually not enough and now I'm on a normal transitioning HRT dose. Still not actually transitioning though. Social transition would cause me problems I'm not ready to have, and I'm not desperate enough to do it yet. No telling how that's going to work out.

Once you start HRT there's no knowing how its going to work out, but I found its a one way trip. Be prepared for that. The difference in how I feel before and after is hard to imagine, and there's no going back. It's unthinkable.

[translora]

I'm hearing more or less what I feared: Low dose hormones work for a while, but eventually you need more and more, to the point that physical feminization is unavoidable. Basically, ANY level of hormones is a step on the road to full transition, and there's no way station where you can just hang out -- dysphoria-free, yet still socially male -- for a few years.

I once told my therapist, when she offered me a referral to an endocrinologist, that I'm staying as far away from hormones as possible because I have a pretty good idea that I would love them, and that would make me want to go ALL IN on transition.

On the one hand, that's probably where I'm headed eventually, and I love the idea. But practically, I have young children and a beloved spouse to consider. My life is really great, except in this one area...

Looks like I need to stick with the "this, too, shall pass" approach and cross my fingers, at least for the time being.

Lora

[AnonyMs]

I'm hearing more or less what I feared: Low dose hormones work for a while, but eventually you need more and more, to the point that physical feminization is unavoidable. Basically, ANY level of hormones is a step on the road to full transition, and there's no way station where you can just hang out -- dysphoria-free, yet still socially male -- for a few years.

I once told my therapist, when she offered me a referral to an endocrinologist, that I'm staying as far away from hormones as possible because I have a pretty good idea that I would love them, and that would make me want to go ALL IN on transition.

On the one hand, that's probably where I'm headed eventually, and I love the idea. But practically, I have young children and a beloved spouse to consider. My life is really great, except in this one area...

Looks like I need to stick with the "this, too, shall pass" approach and cross my fingers, at least for the time being.

Lora

I've been there, tried that.

One thing to bear in mind is that if/when things get really bad its likely not just you that's suffering but everyone close to you. I've been taking it as slowly as possible, to the point where I've only moved forward when I really had to, and I've caused myself and my family a fair bit of suffering along the way. I feel there's no good choices at this point, only less bad.

Watch out for depression and how you are affecting your family, as I found out the hard way that its not obvious until it was really bad. I probably should had gone a little faster than I did, but I guess I was trying not to think about it.

A fair number of people transition quite successfully and lead happy lives. Its easy to worry about the worst, but it doesn't always happen.

[luna nyan]

I'm not so sure about that - I've been on HRT for 3 years now and not transitioned, and am no where near mail fail as yet.

The only reason I've let my levels reached where they are is for the pure convenience of being off spiro, and not having to physically take meds everyday.

As with all things, it boils down to how disciplined you will be with your approach.  Many of us are in the same situation.

[Melanie CT]

AnonyMs
I thought I wrote your post. My depression got so bad I had to do something and it effects the family. And I found out the hard way. So many of us go through the same thing. You think you are protecting your family but you're not.
Melanie


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[translora]

It was fears about depression that took me back to my therapist last year after taking a six-month break. But in her evaluation, it wasn't an issue for me at that time. It's another subject that I've certainly read about, and try to be attentive to.

Sometimes I think I'm manufacturing all of this in my head -- that I've just worked myself into a supposed state of heightened dysphoria and could just as easily work myself down from it. Most of the time it feels like an overlay onto a life which is totally great in almost every other way.

And sometimes I think that if my home-based business were just a little more busy, I would be distracted enough that I wouldn't have as much time to think about all of this and it wouldn't even be a factor. Lord knows that distraction has worked in the past. Unfortunately, that level of busyness is, to a certain degree, beyond my control, though the need to keep busy (mostly just to tamp down the dysphoria) has me considering full-time employment elsewhere for the first time in over 20 years.

I've always been leery of using chemicals to solve problems which can be solved another way, but I've started to wonder if there even really is another way this time.

Lora

[Dena]

It was fears about depression that took me back to my therapist last year after taking a six-month break. But in her evaluation, it wasn't an issue for me at that time. It's another subject that I've certainly read about, and try to be attentive to.

Sometimes I think I'm manufacturing all of this in my head -- that I've just worked myself into a supposed state of heightened dysphoria and could just as easily work myself down from it. Most of the time it feels like an overlay onto a life which is totally great in almost every other way.

And sometimes I think that if my home-based business were just a little more busy, I would be distracted enough that I wouldn't have as much time to think about all of this and it wouldn't even be a factor. Lord knows that distraction has worked in the past. Unfortunately, that level of busyness is, to a certain degree, beyond my control, though the need to keep busy (mostly just to tamp down the dysphoria) has me considering full-time employment elsewhere for the first time in over 20 years.

I've always been leery of using chemicals to solve problems which can be solved another way, but I've started to wonder if there even really is another way this time.

Lora

Take it from me, it comes and goes but is pretty much with you all the time. I know of only one way to fix the problem so it never bothers you again. The lack of T helps but once that feature is turned on in you mind it is with you always. I enjoy being a woman and never want to be a man again but I no longer have that drive that pushed me to become one.
Chemicals don't really solve the problem but aid in reaching your goal. The transition is what solves the problem and makes you comfortable with yourself.
Until you move into the role you desire, even on blockers you will feel uncomfortable. Many years ago I attempted to fight it and I may be weaker than you but it pushed me to the point of suicide. A couple of years on hormones before cross living didn't do anything either. It was only after I moved into the female role and my mind accepted the fact it was possible for me to be accepted as a woman that I truly broke the barriers down.

[Tessa James]

Lora you have a unique life path but it worries me to hear about ideas that I tried for years that only delayed my transition and feeling better.  Like so many, I worried i could be making this up and just needed to cope better and/or distract myself with something more important.  There is always something or someone that can challenge our need to be our true selves.  Only you can decide the cost to your ultimate happiness but please recognize our emotional wold is completely a biochemical process with neurotransmitters, receptors and hormones at play.  An imbalance for any of us can be a crisis we can change.  Good luck!