This is a genuinely interesting thread and fits well with my own self discovery and self knowledge.
I have to say firstly, I think I've said this before, that your transness is entirely your own. I more and more like the idea from sociology of phenomenology. You are unique and how far you are trans, and how you will personally manage it, are also unique. Passing through the guilt, transphobia, self hatred, hiding, denial, avoiding, and maybe drinking and drugging, working out your own place is the key.
It's often said on here that nobody can tell you if you are or aren't trans. That's what I first sought in counselling. I agree with this wholeheartedly.
It's also often said that you should speak to a gender counsellor. I did. I had more success though with a different counsellor who learned about gender issues from me. That depends on your counsellor though. Probably, a gender specialist counsellor would have got me to where I am sooner. They wouldn't have got me somewhere different though.
All gender is on a spectrum across society. As is 'sex' as in 'genitals' and gender presentation.
When you're in the trans part of the spectrum, think of the spectrum within the spectrum. There are cross dressers or ->-bleeped-<-s who are on one side, and the Jazz Jenning people whose first words were, "I'm a girl/a boy". I used to think I couldn't be 'a transsexual' because my own narrative didn't fit with those narratives. I also realised, on the path to waking up, that I wasn't a ->-bleeped-<- either.
Dysphoria, to get to the original post, is confusing, and strange, and deeply deeply uncomfortable. From reading others stories, it can reveal itself very early in life or much much later. From my own and others versions, it was always there, it just didn't have a name, a cause or a clearly visible shape. You recognise it retrospectively though.
When it has been identified, it does seem almost impossible to ignore. It's a bit like Pandora's box in that you can close it, it's different in that it doesn't need to be destructive.
All of this has been pretty much focussed on the physical, chemical, biological factors that make us trans.
The radfem movement still wants to believe that gender is 'created' by our socialising and early childhood. It isn't. Trans people are the only ones who truly understand this. But...they are a big factor in the way an individual receives and acts on their trans feelings and self knowledge as it manifests itself.
What about the financial circumstances you live in. Do you have lots of cash (Caitlyn Jenner) or none?
What is your concept of male and female roles in society? How closely to they need to be adhered to? What is your sexuality and does that encourage you to become outwardly trans or does it make you hide it?
What are your family circumstances? Race? Cultural values? Religious values?
Are you in a relationship? Do you have children? Parents? That are supportive or would judge you? Are you educated? Etc etc.
This is what, I believe, places us on the trans spectrum. We can move up or down it sometimes. We can change views and perspectives and understanding. We can't, without medication, change our bodies.
Dysphoria, for some is attached to their physical body, for others their role, and for others their sense of self and their feelings. There is going to be a unique blend of those for each and every one of us. There will also be gradations of severity I suppose. Not that I can ever know of course! Maybe some people just handle pain better than others. That doesn't matter really, it's all relative. Unbearable is unbearable. It doesn't ever help to know that there is somebody worse off than you!
There is an old saying about having courage to change what you can, serenity to accept what you can't and wisdom to know the difference. I think that is quite relevant to trans folk.
For me...I have awful (to me) Dysphoria. I place myself as non-binary, the vagueness and breadth of the label suits me. At the moment I am working out how far I will travel along the actual changing spectrum. I hope hormones (prescribed) will allow to live in a dual role way, for all kinds of reasons, without suffering from Dysphoria.
For you, if counselling, dressing, and acceptance won't work to cure Dysphoria maybe hormones are also needed. If that still doesn't work, try another step...and another.
I might have lost my thread a bit while writing. Sorry if I've gone off piste. MSG me if you like.
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