How to stop cutting self?

[Sadephanie]

Whenever I get upset I cry until I cut and I can't be happy in the least if I don't cut.. I don't want to cut.. I hate it but I can't stop.. I cut myself yesterday after going a week and a half without.. But I want to stop.. Any advice..?

[Tessa James]

Sade I don't really know jack about cutting but have heard that it is a way to make emotional pain feel more real???

If that is part of the problem then part of the solution might be to deal with the underlying emotional pain perhaps??  I can guess where some or your pain originates from. 

Honey IMO you really do need to talk with a professional about this tho.  Just saying no doesn't cut it

[Sadephanie]

I'm unable to see a professional because I have no way to.

[Tessa James]

OK I get that you are home schooled with seriously conservative parents but do you ever get to a doctor for anything?  Might there be a time when you could ask your parents about talking to a doctor on your own?  I don't like to BS people but might you consider a reason you need to see someone?  Do other people know you cut?

I understand that cutting is a way to respond to pain and there are other ways that may not leave you so scarred.  Your pain is real and hurting is expressed or "acted out" in sometimes creative ways.   Do you like to write, play music, dance, sing, draw, take a nature hike or ride a bike??  Those are ways I have expressed myself and lost myself in something greater than my fears.

Thanks for sharing and so sorry about life's painful realities.  It is one reason people spend time zoned out but that too is just a temporary balm.  There is another way and you are smart enough to find the key to that door.

[Sadephanie]

I don't go to the doctors pretty much ever.. And tbh I'm too scared to give them a reason to take me and the only person who knows I cut is my best friend.. As for the hobbies thing.. Drawing depresses me because I'm horrible at it and don't improve. And same for most others..

[Laurette Mohr]

 I know this maybe a shot in the dark but if you have email maybe you could email a Dr. or someone else. If you can Google mental health places in your hometown and see if they have an email address and email them. Good luck to you. I hope that you can get the help that you so desperately need. HUGS

[Sadephanie]

I don't think that will work either because my parents will go through my phone every so often and the only way I can get on here is an incognito window on my phone..

[Tessa James]

I worry about you as there are worse ways to self harm and we really want you to have a better time.  If you are cutting in a obvious area then maybe that part of your skin can be exposed and reveal a bit more about your internal turmoil to the rest of the world?  If this is a sign of anxiety or depression there are countless medications and other ways to get back in to the more joyful rhythms of life.  Just want you to get some help......

[Sadephanie]

I cut on my inner thigh where no one can see.. I'm scared of what my parents will say otherwise..

[Laura_7]

Please don't... get rid of any usable objects...
you might reward yourself with a nice big ice at the next opportunity...

for distractions you might have a look here, esp. at page 2 :
http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf


And please reach out... talk to someone...

you can call one of those for example, people are there to support and give advice (there are many others):
they also have a chat:
http://glnh.org/talkline/ (this is the national lgbt youth helpline)
http://translifeline.org

One possibility to talk to a professional is to talk to your doctor. They can refer you to someone.
You might say to parents you need some counseling for emotional purposes.

Another possibility might simply be to go to a school. There should be a school counselor there , who you might talk to.

Another one would be to call or email plannedparenthood, or a lgbt center, and ask for some counseling.


here are some further resources:
*1-800-DON'T-CUT – More info on self-injury
*1-800-273-TALK – A 24-hour crisis hotline if you're about to self-harm or are in an emergency situation.


many *hugs*

[Sadephanie]

Thanks.. But I'm not sure I can do much really.. I'm in a horrible spot to get help in every way..

[Laura_7]

Thanks.. But I'm not sure I can do much really.. I'm in a horrible spot to get help in every way..

-look at the sheet with the distractions. Next time some urge comes up, do one or a few of the things mentioned there.
You might strike a pillow, make paper balls and throw them on the floor...

-you can chat on one of the helplines given. Just like you post here.
There is also a chat on susans, by the way.

-you can also talk to a friend.

-think about going to a school in your vicinity, and ask for the counselor there. People are there to help.
Or go to your doctor, and simply tell them. Its not uncommon, you are not the only one.


giving you big hugs

[suzifrommd]

Jackie, do you understand why people cut?

Normally it's to get some control over their lives and their feelings.

My best advice is to try to take control in other ways. I disagree with the advice that you need to distract yourself. In my experience that hasn't worked well.

How do you want your life to be? What is one step you can take to bring yourself closer to that life? What has to happen in order for things to change? What can you do to make those things happen?

The problem is that fixing your life requires risk and effort. Sometimes it's easier to hide from what needs to be done, because making the changes you need will be a long, unpleasant road. But then your life is out of control and cutting is the only way to give you control.

You are strong enough to face whatever needs to be faced. I can't guarantee that everything will turn out well. I can guarantee that the power you feel by trying to make thing happen is WAY BETTER than the power you feel by cutting.

Good luck and hugs. I really hope this helps.

[StartingOver]

Have you tried bringing this up with your parents?  Surely - no matter how conservative - they'd rather get you the help you need instead of continuing to self-harm?

Cutting isn't healthy at all.  Please at least give them a chance to help you.

[Sadephanie]

At this point. I'm scared sh- to death to tell my parents anything like this.. They think I'm fine and I don't want then to worry about me at this point.

[Tessa James]

It is all your call on where to go and how to get there Sade.  I sure don't want to rain on your family parade but sometimes the safe, "everything is fine" bubble people create is a harmful illusion.  I worry that you are being isolated, controlled and restricted from full participation in your own life.  If your folks want to live in the bubble that's their right.  I would also hope they understand your right to self determination especially in matters of identity and consciousness.  Without opportunities to gain experience and test yourself in the real world you and they may find it harder to eventually think for yourself.  Part of a parents role is to encourage the development of independence and to help you learn the dances of diplomacy in getting there.  Critical thinking does not mean criticizing people it is a way to be a good judge and evaluate what the issues are.

I expected my kids to talk back and question me.  I wanted to be and was the one they could try ideas out with and be safe in knowing they are loved even if we disagree.  The truth is likely coming out some day.  How would you set that stage?

So I philosophize plenty and really don't know what is going on in your family but I worry for you.  Any bros or sisters?

[Dena]

Jackie in some ways we are very much alike. I knew at age 13 that I was transexual but I also knew that treatment wouldn't be possible so I started keeping everything inside me so my family wouldn't know. Cutting didn't exist so for me it was a matter of living with the pain. The pain continued to build until I reached the age of 23. One day I came very close to taking my own life. The only thing that stopped me was they thought I hadn't tried to get medical help. A few days latter I told my mom and it may have been the hardest thing I ever did. I expected I might get thrown out of the house but I wasn't. My mother found and set up an appointment with my first doctor and that is where my path to transitioning started resulting in me finding a very happy life.
The only one who isn't conservative in my family is my sister and I am a conservative. Being a conservative doesn't keep you from caring or wanting to help other people. Your parent went through a good deal of trouble home schooling you because they want the best for you. This may not be what they planed but you need to explain how bad you hurt on the inside and that you need help dealing with it. You will be no worst off than you are but I think your parents will get the help you need.
I know I am asking a lot from you but the only way you will be able to stop the cutting is with medical help. You are dealing with to much pain to fix this without help. Please let me know you you will think about this and let us know what you decide.

[ClaudiaLove]

Hello ,

I really hope my reply won't seem, insensitive , i am a little cold these days . My approach is a biological one , fitted for the desire to cut no matter the reason itself . I know part of the answer is to deal with the traumas and dysphoria , but on the other hand one can look the other way round . Sure , the problems exist , but with a healthy approach they are not insurmontable . I used to cut myself too , but then i read one article about cutting being an impulse given by the lack of serotonin . When we cut ourself serotonin is secreted and we feel better and clearer , in control , but it is a vicious circle . Think of the girls that restrict their diet , they get to lack proteins , thus lacking tryptofan , then the lack of tryptofan affects the mind into depression and also into not seeing themselves corectly and dieting further on .
From what i read , no matter the genetic factor , all the mental conditions are in fact physical ones and can be seen and treated as such , even that not completely .
There are a few great sites about alternative psychiatry , as i would never recommend the conventional drugs , they just cover the wound and , even worse , hurt deeper , even in the area they were marketed as treatment .

It's a cold , rational , reply , i know , but it has great results , I managed to deal with my OCD and severe depression by being carefull on my nutrition and supplements . I am still in progress but the differences are just huge .

So , yes , of course people contact and talking will help , but please take care of the physiological perspective . No matter how much we think of ourselves as superior , mistical entities , loved by someone upthere , we are just pieces of flesh and function like any other living thing , psyhically included .
I used to cut and cut , and cry , and seek someone to help me , yet there was no one there , not a single person to care for me , that until one day i felt so deep i had no where to fall . Then i found this will to heal myself , because no one would help me anyway .

Sorry for the rant and the apparent insensitivity .
Here is one link  http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/articles/

[suzifrommd]

At this point. I'm scared sh- to death to tell my parents anything like this.. They think I'm fine and I don't want then to worry about me at this point.

Remember, Jackie, it's your parents' job to take care of you. It's not your job to take care of them.

[Sadephanie]

I just wish they would support me. They are convinced trans and bi is sinful so they won't support it.