I understand how you feel because around age 23 I thought life was pretty well over but I made the decision to try coming out. When I did, my parents didn't understand and it took years before my mother did but they didn't throw me out of the house and I reached my goal. We have been over this and I understand why you don't want to come out to your parents but as I said, tell your parents you are depressed and if they aren't willing to get you to therapy, tell them you are cutting. I know you don't want to hurt your parents but it's not your fault you feel the way you do. Your parents job is to take care of you when you can't and now you need to trust that they will get you the therapy you badly need. It won't be a gender therapist but you will still be able to receive some help. You are dealing with far more pain than most people ever deal with and containing is going to become harder with time. If you don't get help now it will be worst when you can't contain the pain any longer.
I lived with this pain between age 13 and around age 27 because my initial therapy was poor and it took me a while to find somebody skilled in treating the issues I had. That destroyed the life I should have lived in that time and even today I regret I wasn't able to live a more normal life in those years. You have a shot at avoiding the wasted life I had in those years but you need some form of therapy now. As you are younger than I was when I first started therapy, you won't have nearly as much to deal with. Please let us know you will ask your parents for help dealing with the depression. What you are doing isn't going to help and you know it because you are cutting as much as before.
