When Political Correctness Hits Below the Belt

[stephaniec]

When Political Correctness Hits Below the Belt

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/zoe-dolan/i-could-not-stop_b_7939810.html?utm_hp_ref=transgender

The Huffington Post/by Zoe Dolan   08/06/2015

"The conversation goes like this:

Him: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

Me: Yes, I have a vagina. Yes, I have a clitoris, and also labia majora and labia minora. Yes, I feel sensation and I can have orgasms -- both vaginal and clitoral. And yes, I self-lubricate; but who ever said no to a little coconut oil?

Him: Wow. That's amazing. Thank you for being so open. I've been curious but afraid to ask.

I've written before, and I maintain: my view is that there's no shame in the human body. We all have one."

[Ms Grace]

I have to disagree with Zoe.

[Rowan]

No. Nonononononono. All of the no. Nope.

Uninvited questions about genitalia/surgery status are NEVER EVER EVER OKAY. If a person feels comfortable making that information public/available, then that's fine, but handing out free passes to ask all of us these questions is bull->-bleeped-<-.

I am allowed to say that my genitals are none of your damn business. I am not "hurting the cause" or whatever. This whole article sounds like we should be walking/talking ever-patient textbooks and that's bull->-bleeped-<-. I just want to buy some milk, go to class, and finish my workday thank you. IF I decide I want to have a conversation, it will be with someone who has earned my trust.

[Cindy]

My stock answer is that I discuss my genitals with my gynaecologist and my boyfriend.

[suzifrommd]

Well, I kinda agree. If someone is genuinely curious, I'm usually glad of the opportunity to educate people. If they don't hear it from me correctly, they'll hear it from the media wrong.

Though I always tell them that not every trans woman will be comfortable having them ask this question.

[Ms Grace]

As long as they're prepared to talk about their genitals first...

[BenKenobi]

I think more education is important because i keep getting warnings from people who say "oh you'll never have an orgasm again" or "you'll never be able to have kids".

Someone has to clear up these misconceptions and if we refuse then where will they get their information?

[stephaniec]

I'm all for education, but I'd try to stay clear of that small % of Cro Magnons that escaped the last ice age

[ainsley]

Seriously?  They can just google it as far as I am concerned.
My dad has prostate cancer.  No, it is not ok to ask him if he is castrated or impotent.
I am transgender.  You may not inquire about my bits.  Period.

[BenKenobi]

Seriously?  They can just google it as far as I am concerned.
My dad has prostate cancer.  No, it is not ok to ask him if he is castrated or impotent.
I am transgender.  You may not inquire about my bits.  Period.

Google isn't infallible. They're more apt to find misconceptions than fact. For instance the anti-vax movement Googles and I'm pretty sure we know how well that turns out.

[ainsley]

Google isn't infallible. They're more apt to find misconceptions than fact. For instance the anti-vax movement Googles and I'm pretty sure we know how well that turns out.

Let me amend my suggestion to https://scholar.google.com/ to find out about trans* surgeries and treatments, then.

[suzifrommd]

Let me amend my suggestion to https://scholar.google.com/ to find out about trans* surgeries and treatments, then.

Between letting people google something and maybe they'll get it right, or setting them straight myself, I have a lot more confidence in my own teaching.

Most people's curiosity are not going to lead them to google. When someone asks me something about being trans, that may be the only teachable moment I have with that person, my one chance to add one to the number of people in the world who "gets it" and subtract one from the number of people who don't.

[ErinS]

Between letting people google something and maybe they'll get it right, or setting them straight myself, I have a lot more confidence in my own teaching.

Most people's curiosity are not going to lead them to google. When someone asks me something about being trans, that may be the only teachable moment I have with that person, my one chance to add one to the number of people in the world who "gets it" and subtract one from the number of people who don't.

This is pretty much how I feel about it. It isn't for everyone, but I'm personally happy discussing pretty much anything with someone displaying honest curiosity.

[Jill F]

I just might have to get that T-shirt that says, "Ask me about my genitalia". 

Seriously, I am defined by what is between my ears, not what is between my legs. 

I was once told by an ignoranus that if you have a penis, you're a male, end of story.  I had to ask him if he would ID as female if he ever got his chomped off.

[iKate]

I would say, "it depends."

If someone supports you and is an ally, I don't mind sharing some details with them. I have told some people the details about my VFS for example. I don't tell everyone.

Then there are some people... just... no. Like my "friend" (not anymore) who said he wanted to see my vajayjay when I'm post op SRS (whenever that is) to see how "real" it looks. Um, no! Hell no! Especially since he likely just wanted to validate that I had one so he wouldn't be calling me "she" and "her" if I still had my original parts. Yes, he is weird like that. He thinks that someone can never be identified as female unless they have a vagina. Totally ignores the concept of gender identity.

[Rejennyrated]

I accept I'm probably out of date, and a dinosaur, but in my case, if there was ever any question of my being read as trans then I would tend to rapidly volunteer the answers, because while I certainly don't wish in any way to invalidate the identity of anyone who chooses to be non-op, I am absolutely ultra-longterm POST-op and I wouldnt ever want someone assuming I wasn't, anymore than presumably someone non-op would want anyone assuming they were operative.  The two identities are equally valid and equally genuine - but they are subtly different.

So in many respects I have to say I tend to agree with the author. In any relevant situation I'd generally like people to know exactly what I am rather than assume anything. Heck I would even get pissed off if someone assumed I'd had the surgery any less than the full 31 years ago that it was... In otherwords if they start questioning not only do I want them to know the truth, but I also then want them to realise that it all happened for me so very long ago that it really isnt in the slightest bit relevant. Paradoxically when that penny sinks in most of them then apologise.

[gennee]

Why is a person's genitalia any of their business? How would they feel if I asked about their genitalia?

 

[ainsley]

I think it is great that many of us are willing to share information about ourselves and the things associated with our trans* experience.  It really is a benefit to the education and understanding of the lay person with respect to trans* issues.  However, that does not mean that every person should feel it is ok to ask any trans* about their genitalia.  When I say to google it, I certainly do not mean that literally every person interested should go to the internets and find out from the online community about trans* issues.  I mean to say that looking or asking for information from sources designed to provide information is the best option, and not EVERY tran* person is that encyclopedia, as the article suggests they should be.  I do not mind educating some people that I may know well, but the author of the article implies that we have gone too far and are making these issues taboo by merely retaining our dignity and some decorum about our trans*-ness with how we approach talking about this with general people.

[Rowan]

I think it is great that many of us are willing to share information about ourselves and the things associated with our trans* experience.  It really is a benefit to the education and understanding of the lay person with respect to trans* issues.  However, that does not mean that every person should feel it is ok to ask any trans* about their genitalia.  When I say to google it, I certainly do not mean that literally every person interested should go to the internets and find out from the online community about trans* issues.  I mean to say that looking or asking for information from sources designed to provide information is the best option, and not EVERY tran* person is that encyclopedia, as the article suggests they should be.  I do not mind educating some people that I may know well, but the author of the article implies that we have gone too far and are making these issues taboo by merely retaining our dignity and some decorum about our trans*-ness with how we approach talking about this with general people.

THIS. Yes. Thank you, ainsley.