So this Saturday, for my fourth ever therapy session, My therapist is having me bring in my mom, older sister, and I'm bringing my best friend along too. And we're gonna talk about my, as my T puts it 'Treatment plan'.
My mom read up on some trans articles I gave her and then she read one she found that had to do with hormones and surgeries and whatnot and asked me if that was all stuff I wanted, to which I said yeah. But I get the sense from her that she thinks it's all happening REALLY fast.
And to her it is. She's only known about me being trans for less than a month and already my therapist and I are talking about hormones and transitioning while she has yet to really wrap her head around the fact I'm NOT a girl. I told her it's hard to explain and whatnot, but her obvious concerns and doubt just bring on the onslaught of 'Am I going to make the right choice with this', 'Am I making things up', 'Is this me being impulsive again?', 'Will Testosterone and boob removal really make me happy?(I cannot see that answer being anything but yes, with my only concern being future baldness...)''
And then there's the fact that I passed as a guy today at starbucks when the barista told a lady who went for my tea that 'that's not yours, that's /his/' and I felt very satisfied and happy.
And then feeling like I'm holding myself back while I have this female body. Like I don't want to go to college or take any classes until I can feel more comfortable with myself... because I wouldn't be able to handle school along with feeling depressed over my body every night.
I get doubts. Then I don't know WHY I have doubts. It's like I care a lot about what my mom and my older sister think, but on the other hand, I know I need to take care of myself.
Not even going to touch the subject w/ my dad and older sister even though I still live with everyone, but APPARENTLY my mother is talking to my father about a lot of these things and on top of that, he has to deal with his mom being in and out of hospitals and nursing homes and generally not doing OK, so I don't know why she's stressing him out with this stuff without telling me she was telling him. UGh.
Why is life complicated
I wish I was just born a cis male. Or a cis female.
Or a happy lesbian.
But nope. I get the queer/bi/confused male trans deck of cards.
